In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down why small moments in your relationship can trigger huge emotional reactions.

If you’ve ever felt embarrassed by your reaction, overwhelmed by jealousy, or hijacked by anxiety over something that logically felt minor, this episode explains what’s really happening beneath the surface.

Shanenn introduces the concept of emotional agility—the ability to feel deeply without losing yourself—and explains why trust, confidence, and security aren’t built by suppressing emotions, but by learning how to stay present with them. This episode offers practical tools to help you stop spiraling, rebuild self-trust, and respond instead of react

Golden Episode Nuggets

💎 Your reactions aren’t random—your nervous system is trying to protect you
💎 Feeling deeply is capacity, not a weakness
💎 Trust is built through experience, not reassurance
💎 Naming sensations instead of emotions creates emotional power
💎 Discomfort doesn’t mean danger—nothing has gone wrong
💎 Staying with a feeling builds confidence one moment at a time

Key Moments

• 2:30 – A relatable story about reacting “bigger than the moment”
• 4:20 – Why your body reacts before your brain can catch up
• 7:45 – What emotional agility actually means (and what it’s not)
• 9:00 – Why trust isn’t about your partner—it’s about you
• 12:10 – The truth about “feeling too much”
• 16:30 – Why resilience isn’t toughness or pushing through
• 18:20 – One simple shift that gives you power over emotional spirals
• 20:30 – Four practical ways to stop getting hijacked by your emotions
• 24:20 – Reflection questions to build self-trust in real time

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

If you've ever thought "I'm too much," felt shame around your jealousy, or struggled with feeling "needy" in relationships, this episode will be a relief and a revelation. Shanenn sits down with Trevor Hansen, coach and founder of The Art of Healing, to dismantle the shame loop of anxious attachment and show how it can be transformed into self-trust and secure connection.

Trevor shares his raw personal story—from toxic relationships and a broken jaw to leaving a high-powered career at Tesla—and the powerful tools he discovered to move from fear to security. This is a must-listen for anyone stuck in the cycle of over-functioning, people pleasing, or "proving" their worth in love.

IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why awareness alone won't heal your insecure attachment
• How childhood experiences can create a "love gap" that fuels jealousy
• What emotional reprogramming looks like in practice
• Why inner child work isn't woo-woo—it's essential
• A powerful shift from controlling to compassionately curious in relationships

GOLDEN NUGGETS:

• You’re not too much. It’s the behavior that needs support, not your worth.
• Anxious attachment is just a part of you—not all of you.
• You can turn your jealousy into a catalyst for deeper connection.
• Emotional healing > intellectual awareness.
• When you stop outsourcing your worth, you stop fearing abandonment.

GUEST BIO: Trevor Hansen is a relationship coach and the founder of The Art of Healing. After navigating his own journey through anxious attachment and emotional wounding, he now helps individuals break the cycle of fear-based relationships and build secure emotional foundations. His Secure Self Club is transforming lives by helping clients go from insecure to grounded in just months.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "You're no longer a problem to be solved, but a person to be loved."

PERFECT FOR LISTENERS WHO...

• Feel shame around their jealousy or emotional needs
• Struggle with anxious or insecure attachment styles
• Want to stop overthinking and start feeling secure in love
• Are tired of outsourcing their peace and self-worth
• Crave emotional safety, clarity, and confidence in their relationships

Loved this episode? Be sure to leave a review and share how you're starting to show up for your inner child.

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

🦋 Join the experience - enroll in 30 Days to Different today!

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn flips the script on what it means to be “the jealous one” in a relationship—and trust us, you’ll never see your spirals the same again.

Ever swear you’re not going to snoop, spiral, or snap... and then do it anyway? That doesn’t mean you’re some controlling jerk. It means you’ve got a genius-level nervous system doing exactly what it was wired to do: keep you safe.

This solo episode unpacks the psychology behind jealousy, why it’s not sabotage but stabilization, and how to trade unhealthy patterns for new, empowering ones—without shaming the old you who just wanted to feel safe.

Oh, and there’s a German shepherd, a deer, some stargazing, and one mood-ruining poop. You’ve been warned.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• Jealousy isn’t sabotage—it’s a stabilizer your nervous system picked to survive pain
• You don’t need to feel ashamed of your coping strategies—they were genius solutions for impossible circumstances
• You can teach your body new patterns—because you’ve done it before
• The most powerful shift isn’t “How do I stop this?” but “What was my system trying to protect me from?”
• New stabilizers aren’t about perfection—they’re about choosing different

🗝️ Key Moments:

• 1:10 – Why repeating patterns doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means your body is succeeding at survival
• 3:40 – What stabilizers are and how they show up as jealousy, control, or overeating
• 6:20 – Why we don’t pick yoga or the gym as coping tools (hint: your nervous system doesn’t give a damn about kale)
• 13:20 – How the jealousy loop works and why it feels so hard to break
• 17:30 – You’re not controlling—you’re a genius at creating predictability
• 25:00 – The dog poop that ruined a magical moment (and why it matters)
• 27:00 – What it looks like to pick new, healthy stabilizers and stop suffering silently
• 28:50 – Introducing: 30 Days to Different, the transformative new experience to rewire your relationship patterns from the inside out

🔥 Want to Go Deeper?

30 Days to Different is officially open for enrollment!
If you’re ready to ditch the spiral and actually rewire the patterns of jealousy, this is your moment.
✔ Daily mindset rewires
✔ 6 live Zoom sessions
✔ Nervous system & neuroscience-based tools

🔗 Join now: TopSelf.com
or scroll down to the show notes to click the link!

🎧 Perfect for Listeners Who:

• Feel ashamed or guilty about their jealousy or control habits
• Want to understand why they keep reacting the same way
• Are ready to replace ol

Join the Experience and enroll in 30 Days to Different today!

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your Discovery Call here

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn dives into one of the most exhausting relationship cycles—when you keep second-guessing your partner, breaking up, getting back together, and wondering if they’re “the one.”

The truth? Your confusion isn’t about your partner. It’s about your pattern.

If you’ve ever caught yourself analyzing every text, tone, or gesture, or if you’re tired of asking “should I stay or should I go?”, this episode will hit home. Shanenn unpacks how fear, self-doubt, and emotional hot potatoes (yep, you read that right) keep us in chaos—and what to do instead.

You’ll learn how to pause the decision, regulate your nervous system, and start building self-trust, so you can finally feel confident in your choices—no matter who you’re with.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• You’re not confused about them—you’re disconnected from you.
• Fear-based decisions aren’t decisions; they’re safety strategies in disguise.
• If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.
• You can’t heal what you keep outsourcing.
• Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.

💡 Key Moments:

• 2:00 – Why your breakup reflex isn’t about your partner—it’s about escaping discomfort
• 6:45 – The “emotional hot potato” that keeps you stuck in the same patterns
• 10:25 – Why your feelings might be valid… but not about what’s happening right now
• 13:20 – The difference between deciding and reacting
• 17:00 – How to tell the difference between a red flag pattern and a personal trigger
• 22:37 – Why you don’t have to decide today if your partner is “the one”
• 30:00 – The 30-day pause: the simple reset that stabilizes your decision-making
• 33:50 – How to soothe your own nervous system without outsourcing it to your partner
• 38:00 – The question that changes everything: “What would I choose if I trusted myself to handle any outcome?”

❤️ Quote of the Episode:

🧠 Resources Mentioned:

• Free Discovery Call with Shanenn → Schedule Here

✨ Perfect for listeners who:

• Break up and get back together on repeat
• Feel anxious, jealous, or unsafe in relationships
• Want to stop obsessing over every text or tone
• Are ready to make decisions from confidence, not fear
• Are tired of repeating the same emotional patterns

🔥 Call to Action:

If you’re ready to stop spiraling and start trusting yourself again, book a free discovery call with Shanenn. This is the work she does every day—helping you rebuild from the inside out, so you stop changing partners and start changing your pattern.

🎧 Subscribe, lea

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.


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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE Discovery Call

In this powerful solo episode, Shanenn cracks open a question many of us quietly carry:

“If I weren’t jealous… who would I be?”

From the deck of a cruise ship years ago to the emotional trenches of everyday hypervigilance, Shanenn walks you through how jealousy feels like its become your identity—and how to begin shedding it.

She reveals why your brain clings to jealousy like a job, how it tricks you into thinking you're protecting yourself, and the truth about what control really looks like. If you've ever spiraled over a thong-wearing dancer or found yourself interrogating a partner just to feel safe, this one’s for you.

This episode is an invitation to stop playing small, stop playing scared—and remember who you were before jealousy moved in.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• Jealousy feels like protection, but it’s just fear in disguise
• Hypervigilance is a survival strategy, not a love strategy
• Your brain learned jealousy from chaos—but it’s ready to relearn
• Without jealousy, you don’t lose love—you get your life back
• That confident, secure version of you isn’t new. She’s just been waiting

🔑 Key Moments:

• 1:10 – The cruise ship moment that cracked something open
• 5:55 – When jealousy becomes a job you never applied for
• 10:45 – Why control isn’t the same as protection
• 14:30 – The origin story of your inner security guard
• 20:40 – Does jealousy actually prevent betrayal—or just exhaust you?
• 27:00 – What happens to your energy when jealousy leaves the building
• 36:08 – Why your “security guard” isn’t crazy—just untrained
• 41:00 – Create your own security protocol
• 44:50 – The difference between a red flag and a one-off
• 46:19 – How to become the version of you that trusts again

💖 Perfect for listeners who:

• Feel like jealousy has hijacked their personality
• Replay conversations, stalk socials, or analyze texts for clues
• Want to stop managing a partner’s behavior and start managing their own peace
• Crave deeper self-trust, emotional regulation, and a life beyond fear

Join the Experience and enroll in 30 Days to Different today!

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.


Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy



Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE 30-Minute Discovery Call here

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn gets real about a silent habit that so many listeners can relate to—but few talk about openly: using alcohol to cope with jealousy, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm in relationships.

From the glass of wine that helps you "take the edge off" before date night… to the third drink that leads to a spiral of shame, regret, and disconnection—this episode breaks down what’s really happening when we reach for a drink to manage our feelings.

Shanenn explores how alcohol not only numbs the bad stuff, but also disconnects you from your intuition, dulls your emotional clarity, and makes jealousy even harder to navigate. You'll learn practical tools to pause, get curious about your emotions, and build real self-trust—without having to escape into a buzz.

This episode isn’t anti-alcohol. It’s pro-you.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• You're likely not drinking because you have a drinking problem—you're drinking because no one taught you how to feel your emotions.
• Alcohol doesn't just numb pain—it numbs joy, intuition, and connection too.
• Every time you reach for a drink instead of feeling your feelings, you’re teaching your brain you can't handle them.
• Shame keeps the cycle going; guilt helps you change.
• Your emotions aren't your enemy. They're your superpower.

🔑 Key Moments:

• 2:10 – Why alcohol is often used to manage anxiety and jealousy
• 6:30 – The emotional pattern behind pre-date drinks (and how it backfires)
• 10:45 – What happens when “buzzed you” says too much
• 14:30 – The brain science: how alcohol blocks emotional processing
• 22:00 – Alcohol, anxiety, and why the fire comes back stronger
• 25:00 – Shame vs. guilt: the emotional cycle that keeps you stuck
• 28:30 – How using alcohol creates self-abandonment and insecurity
• 34:00 – The practice of sitting with emotions without numbing
• 39:20 – 3 questions to ask before you drink
• 43:00 – How to experiment with alcohol-free moments and collect emotional “data”

🧠 Resources & Coaching Mentioned:

• 30-Minute Discovery Call with Shanenn – Learn how to break emotional patterns and build self-trust. Book via TopSelf.com
  
  
• Coaching Program: Feel Free Again – For women ready to stop outsourcing emotional regulation to alcohol, anxiety, or partners.
• Whitehall II Study & Sleep Research – Learn how alcohol disrupts emotional processing during REM sleep.

🗣️ Quote of the Episode:

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE Discovery Call

In this solo episode of Top Self, host Shanenn dives deep into one of the most anxiety-triggering scenarios in relationships: witnessing your partner flirt with someone else. Is it a sign they’re unhappy? Are they secretly interested in someone else? Or…could it mean something entirely different?

Drawing from scientific research and her personal journey, Shanenn shares the six core reasons people flirt—and reveals that only one of them is actually about sex. With compassionate insights and a powerful reframe on validation, esteem, and trust, this episode offers a fresh, empowering take on how to handle flirting without spiraling into insecurity.

If you've ever felt the sting of jealousy or wanted to understand what flirting really means in a committed relationship, this episode is a must-listen.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• Flirting does not always equal sexual or romantic interest.
• Only 1 out of 6 reasons for flirting involves a desire for sex.
• Flirting can actually boost relationship satisfaction—not destroy it.
• Feeling attracted ≠ acting on attraction. The nuance matters.
• Jealousy is a signal—not a certainty. Trust your gut, not your fear.
• You can’t be your partner’s only source of validation—and you shouldn’t have to be.

🧠 Key Moments:

• 2:40 – That sinking feeling when your partner flirts: What’s really going on?
• 5:00 – The 6 scientific motivations behind flirting—and only one is sexual
• 10:15 – Why people flirt to boost self-esteem (and why it’s not a threat)
• 14:30 – The “relationship development” vs. “relationship threat” misunderstanding
• 18:00 – Do happy partners still crave external validation? Yes—and here’s why that’s okay
• 23:45 – How jealousy can mislead you into toxic behavior patterns
• 30:00 – The research-backed truth about fantasy, flirting, and fidelity
• 38:00 – Shanenn’s real-life jealousy moment (and what it taught her)
• 42:00 – How to use “The Power of One” to reframe your thoughts around flirting

🧰 Resources & Mentions:

• The Study: Northern Illinois University research on the 6 motivations for flirting
• Power of One Exercise: Practice reframing jealousy with one new explanation

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.


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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Enroll in the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp starting soon!

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn shares a deeply relatable scenario: it’s 10 p.m., you’re staring at your phone, spiraling over a text that simply says, “Okay, sounds good. Talk to you tomorrow.” If that’s ever sent you into an emotional tailspin, this episode is for you.

We explore why relationship insecurity creates an overwhelming urge to process everything out loud—and why your friends might be reaching their limit. Shanenn dives into the neuroscience of emotional regulation, the critical role of co-regulation, and why being understood by someone who “gets it” can feel like a lifeline.

You’ll learn why exhausting your friendships isn’t the answer—and how group support like Talk It Out Tuesday and the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp can offer real change, practical tools, and deep emotional relief.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• Criticizing yourself for needing support only deepens the wound.
• Relationship insecurity is a nervous system issue, not a character flaw.
• Friends mean well—but they’re not therapists. Group support gets it.
• Shame thrives in secrecy. But when you share your story with people who truly understand, it loses its power.
• You are not "too much." You are not broken. You are human.

⏱ Key Moments:

• 1:30 – That late-night spiral we’ve all had—why your brain won’t let go
• 6:00 – The neuroscience behind why we have to talk things out
• 9:30 – Why your friends can't always be your emotional support system
• 12:00 – How insecurity starts impacting all of your relationships
• 15:50 – The invisible burnout your friends may be feeling
• 17:40 – “You’re not broken”—the power of being truly understood
• 20:00 – Why shame thrives in silence and how to break the cycle
• 24:30 – Group support vs. going it alone: the real difference
• 26:40 – How helping others with their insecurity reinforces your own healing
• 28:30 – Group coaching isn’t exposure—it’s your power move

👩‍🏫 Shanenn Says:

🧰 Resources Mentioned:

• Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – A six-week guided experience to rewire your nervous system and build relationship security. [Register here]
• Talk It Out Tuesday – Free group coaching calls inside the Jealousy Junkie Facebook Group. Join now to get notified of upcoming sessions.

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.


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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.