What happens when supporting someone else's career means losing your own voice entirely? In this conversation with military spouse and author Heather Sweeney, we talk about the both/and of military life—holding community and loneliness, pride and resentment, grief and relief all at once.

Heather shares her story of navigating anxiety, identity loss, and starting over after a 13-year marriage ended. From seven-month in-house separation to rediscovering her writing career under her maiden name, this is a raw, honest conversation about boundaries, self-trust, and learning that you can initiate a divorce AND still grieve what you lost.

In this episode, you'll hear:

- The both/and of military divorce: "My condolences and congratulations"

- How to rebuild self-trust and voice after years of selflessness

- Why boundaries erode when you're always saying yes to someone else's needs

- The cycle that kept them stuck: no time to talk before deployment, during deployment, or after

- Navigating transitions when you're holding grief and gratitude simultaneously

- The moment she knew: "We are not partners in this"

- Practical tools for starting over and rebuilding identity during major life changes

Follow It's Both for weekly conversations on navigating transitions, anxiety, overthinking, and personal growth—without toxic positivity.

Get Connected & Support the Show:

- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions

- Follow Heather Sweeney on Instagram, visit her website, follow her on Substack, & order her book

- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts

- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation

Feeling hijacked by anxiety and overthinking every decision—like you're constantly "neck up" in your head, unable to just be? In this episode, Nikki P sits down with therapist and author Joanna Hardis to talk about distress tolerance: the skill of feeling uncomfortable without making situations worse.

Joanna shares her story of going from white-knuckling through life to learning how to be "neck down"—staying in her body instead of spiraling in her thoughts. You'll hear how she moved through divorce, single parenting three kids, and being ghosted right before her birthday (yes, really) by practicing the paradox at the heart of her book Just Do Nothing: you can be safe and uncomfortable at the same time.

This conversation offers emotional regulation tools for when anxiety hijacks you, practical distress tolerance practices (starting with your phone), and honest language for parenting without being controlled by fear or guilt. Joanna explains why most of us armor up to avoid discomfort—through people-pleasing, perfectionism, or overthinking—and how microdosing discomfort can help you respond to situations instead of reacting from emotions.

In this episode, we cover:

- Overthinking vs. neck-down awareness (and why therapy helped Joanna get out of her head)

- How to tell if you're parenting from anxiety or responding to the actual situation

- Distress tolerance 101: what it is and why it matters for emotional regulation

- The phone as a five-pound weight: microdosing discomfort in real life

- Boundaries for parents (and why asking for two minutes isn't selfish)

- How to hold the paradox: safe and uncomfortable, grief and gratitude, love and anger

- Why acknowledging feelings is essential—but fixating on them keeps you stuck

- Self-compassion when you screw it up (because we all do)

If you're navigating parenting, anxiety, or life transitions where your default is to armor up or white-knuckle through, this episode offers a different way forward—one that doesn't require fixing, forcing, or figuring it all out.

Because life isn't either/or—it's both.

Get Connected & Support the Show:

- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions

- Follow Joanna Hardis on Instagram, visit her website, & buy her book Just Do Nothing or Just Do Nothing For Parents

- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts

- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation

What if the moment that saved you started as a question you were afraid to ask?

Ten years ago, I wrote in a question about love, boundaries, and faith to a podcast called Ask Science Mike… and Rob Bell answered it. I didn’t know it then, but his response helped move me from people-pleasing to self-respect, from either/or thinking to both/and thinking—and it became one of the turning points that changed the direction of my life.

In this solo episode, I’m sharing the full context of what was happening behind the scenes at the time, reading the transcript of my original question and parts of Rob’s response (I don’t have the rights to air the original audio), and reflecting on the ripple effects that followed—on my relationships, my faith, my healing, and the full-circle moment of having Rob Bell on It’s Both.

If you’ve ever felt torn between being “loving” and having boundaries… or wondered if taking care of yourself makes you selfish… this one is for you.

Get Connected & Support the Show:

- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions

- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts

- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation