Why does trying to look confident often make you look completely unnatural? In this video, we break down the social psychology of confidence training, body language, and why the advice to "fake it till you make it" usually backfires by making you hyper-aware of yourself.

We dive into how self-perception theory actually works, why your brain needs evidence before it feels secure, and how to practice natural confidence without looking stiff or awkward.Nothing makes people behave more strangely than being told to “act natural”. The moment it happens, you immediately start overthinking your every move.Confidence training does this to people all the time.

Some poor unfortunate gets told to hold eye contact for three seconds, sit forward, pause before answering, and drop their voice at the end of a sentence. Then everyone wonders why they suddenly look like they’re desperate for the loo.The problem isn’t the advice. The problem is having to think about it. The second you start monitoring your own behaviour, you become weirdly aware of yourself.

So you stop listening properly because half your attention is busy checking whether your face is doing confidence.This is also why I hate “fake it till you make it”. It makes confidence sound like a performance. It isn’t.You practise a few behaviours until they become normal enough that you stop noticing them.

Then your brain does something quite interesting and starts treating the behaviour as evidence about who you are. That’s self-perception. Which means confidence often turns up after the behaviour, not before it.

Chapters:
00:00 Fake it till you make it, and why people object
00:46 What you can fake and what you can't
00:55 The associate, the course and the list
02:12 Why doing all of it at once failed
02:16 Self-perception, and behaviour you take to be your own
04:17 Attention is finite, and the pause that runs too long
05:24 What the client picks up is effort, not dishonesty
06:33 Habit one: cut the hedges
07:41 Habit two: stop repairing yourself out loud
09:11 Habit three: say you don't know, without decorating it
10:04 Where to practise, and why not in the room
10:42 What this won't do for you

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