Kent Ehrhardt has spent more than four decades on television. But this conversation isn’t really about television. It’s about being a dad.

Kent joins Pondoff’s Anonymous for an incredibly open conversation about the life and loss of his son, Alec, who died after years of struggling with substance use, mental health and isolation.

Kent talks about the parts of Alec he wants people to remember—the football player, motocross rider and music lover who followed String Cheese Incident around the country and handed out tiny rubber ducks at shows just to meet people. He also opens up about the parts that are much harder to revisit: finding out how badly Alec had been struggling near the end of his life, the questions he still asks himself as a father, and the guilt that can come with wondering whether there was something else you could have done.

There are also moments Kent still can’t completely explain. Cardinals appearing at exactly the right time. A song dedicated to Alec at a String Cheese Incident show. And standing outside the building where his son was being prepared for his funeral and feeling one message more clearly than anything else:

“I’m okay, Dad. Finally I’m okay.”

Kent also shares how Alec’s death connected him with Addiction Is Real and turned his grief into advocacy aimed at helping other families recognize the warning signs of addiction before it’s too late.

We also get Kent’s accidental start in television, a helicopter crash, getting screamed at for interrupting Survivor with a tornado warning, his time as a Cardinals bat boy, David Gilmour, Leroy Jenkins, the world’s most well-traveled dog, and more than a few stories from 40+ years in broadcasting.

This is Kent Ehrhardt beyond the television screen: a father remembering his son, living with grief, and trying to make something meaningful out of an unimaginable loss.