エピソード

  • Reconstruction Indicator
    2026/05/04

    merritt, Niki and John talk about Ted Lasso for a really, really long time, after which they discuss shoes, the legend of Achilles, the Will Smith vehicle Hancock, and now that the gang is back together, somehow even more.


    Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.


    Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social


    Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    54 分
  • All Women Are Related
    2026/04/27

    Niki and John wrap up their doubles set by discussing what happens to your soul if/when you die in space, seeing dangerous animals in the wild, hunting Big the Cat, Niki's legally relevant total lack of opinions on The Super Mario Galaxy Movie, the Glossary of terms in our Discord server, movie remakes they haven't done yet, and if you can believe it, somehow even more.


    Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.


    Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social


    Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    1 時間 5 分
  • Hiding Under Desks Was Better Than This
    2026/04/20

    merritt's back in space for some reason, I dunno I've lost track, but John and Niki are still here holding down the fort and talking about important issues that affect our lives daily, including the Pope, phone calls from Burger King, the sad tale of albert the alligator, the new fockers movie, and somehow even more.


    Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.


    Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social


    Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    58 分
  • 1-900-SMUT-BUSTERS
    2026/04/13

    John, Niki and merritt pause their Smut-Busting activities to refocus on more pressing matters, which include (but are not limited to) Shrek 5, the new "patched' Whopper® from Burger King (Home of the Whopper®), leaving important voicemails for important people, the burgers they got on the space station, HEB(!!!!), dating Shaboozey and, somehow, even more.


    Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.


    Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social


    Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    57 分
  • John's Razors
    2026/04/06

    merritt reunites with John and Niki via satellite for an update on the status of the Artemis II mission (which everyone on the show was definitely aware of), a brief discussion about various use cases for pneumatic tubes in the household, the plot to kill the baseball child, merritt's first royalty check from Marvel Comics, and somehow even more.


    Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.


    Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social


    Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    51 分
  • The Wilt Chamberlain of Elevators
    2026/03/30

    Apparently it's Elevator Week, so John, Michael and Niki discuss a number of topics relevant to the theme, including what everyone's favorite elevator is, whether you press the open/close door buttons, the Guardians of the Galaxy redesign of the Tower of Terror, elevators with various interior finishes, and somehow even more.


    Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.


    Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social


    Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    59 分
  • Fix Your Back or Die
    2026/03/23

    Friend of the Show™ Michael Higham joins Niki and John for an episode of our audio television program wherein the gang discusses Niki falling down the stairs, various types of dog food, getting a burger after that big win, "fuck-ass food," the stagnation of western cultural development since the proliferation of the Internet, and yeah, somehow even more.


    Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.


    Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social


    Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    1 時間 6 分
  • Spoonworthy
    2026/03/16

    With merritt once again visiting the International Space Station, John and Niki hold down the fort by investigating Taco Bell's desperate new menu items, the contents of Niki's mail, what Enron was or did, the difference between then and now (money ver.), Niki's new health insurance, and folks? Somehow even more.


    Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.


    Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social


    Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    続きを読む 一部表示
    55 分