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  • Mince Pies in the House: Can Jo Resist? (Plus: Wrong Car Chaos)
    2025/12/12

    👫 Stu & Jo | Married 24 years, empty nesters | Jo gets things confidently wrong, Stu lovingly corrects her

    Jo's mince pie addiction reaches CRITICAL levels (12 pies under one roof!), and we accidentally become your new educators - learning about panettone, leavened bread, and medieval insults. Plus: Why did Stu get into someone else's car? 🚗

    🎯 IN THIS EPISODE:

    📚 The Discovery Channel of Podcasts (not really)

    Learn about panettone (it's LEAVENED, people!)

    Etymology deep dive: Why is Tom the fool?

    The origin of "lovelorn" revealed

    Crampons vs Clamp-ons: Jo's mountain climbing confusion

    You can call yourself a DOCTOR after watching 3 episodes! 🎓

    🎄 Christmas Chaos Begins

    Storm Bram vs the front door wreath

    Chief Elf hands over the tinsel reins (empty nest alert!)

    Jo's mince pie obsession reaches defcon 1

    Current supply: 12 mince pies (place your bets for next episode)

    The great panettone investigation

    🚨 DANGER OF LIFE WARNING

    Not a danger TO life... a danger OF life

    Why September & October are popular birthday months

    Storm Bram's unintended consequences

    Stu comes home "sodden" (word of the episode!)

    🌱 Jo's Gardening Update

    Planting bulbs in a storm (smart gardening!)

    How many of our audience are gardeners? (Hordes, obviously)

    Storm Bram does the watering for free

    🚗 THE WRONG CAR INCIDENT

    Stu's car is suspiciously clean 🤔

    Classic tomfoolery at the supermarket

    Video reaction: Man's dad gets in wrong car

    Link: https://www.instagram.com/reels/DRkP_92Ea2Q/

    The rolling Audi mystery: Did our car move itself?!

    🎭 Life Together: Perky vs Peaky

    Jo's energy levels: From flat to BUZZING

    The "thinking has a satellite delay" phenomenon

    Stu's loving observations about Jo's... unique brain

    Why Jo seems like a fool (but isn't... completely!)

    🍕 Forgotten Pizza & Abandoned Children

    That time Stu forgot to pick up the child from school

    Why being early is NOT our thing

    The red coat ninja entrance at comedy shows

    ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:

    0:00 - Intro & PhD Level Education

    2:00 - Storm Bram & Wreath Drama

    3:00 - Christmas Tree Chief Elf Crisis

    5:45 - MINCE PIE ADDICTION ALERT

    8:00 - The Panettone Investigation

    10:00 - Clamp-ons, Tomfoolery & Lovelorn

    14:00 - The Pizza & Forgotten Child Story

    15:58 - Wrong Car Video Reaction

    17:00 - Stu's Wrong Car Confession

    18:15 - The Rolling Audi Mystery

    💬 BEST QUOTES:

    "Once you've watched three of our episodes, you can call yourself a doctor!"

    "This car is terribly clean..."

    "I instantly knew which child I'd abandoned"

    "Like an addict with some supply in the building"

    "Maybe this is where all the Christmas babies come from"

    👫 ABOUT US:

    We're Stu & Jo - married 24 years (somehow!). He's logical. She speaks at 100mph while her brain catches up later. We're very different people making it work, one sodden episode at a time!

    📱 CONNECT WITH US:

    Got mince pie addiction support? Car park confusion stories? Leave a comment!

    Gardening demographic: Make yourselves known! 🌱

    #EmptyNestFullBanter #CouplePodcast #BritishComedy #UKPodcast #MarriedLife #EmptyNesters #ChristmasPodcast #MincePies #Panettone #StormBram #Etymology #WordOrigins #ComedyPodcast #WrongCar #MarriageHumor

    ⚠️ WARNING: Contains dangerous levels of mince pie obsession, educational content about leavened bread, and evidence that both hosts probably shouldn't be allowed near car parks.

    👍 LIKE if you've ever gotten into the wrong car

    💬 COMMENT your best car park disaster story

    🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly tomfoolery

    Thanks for watching! Stay perky, not peaky! 🎄✨

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    19 分
  • Jo's Ballet Delusions + Japan's Human Washing Machine (She Expected Rotation in Both)
    2025/12/05
    Jo's on the NAUGHTY STEP this week! Mystery men's pants appear in Stu's drawer (awkward...), Jo gets caught speeding, AND we discover Japan has invented a HUMAN WASHING MACHINE. What could possibly go wrong? 🎯 IN THIS EPISODE: 🩲 PANTGATE: The Mystery Deepens Unknown gentleman's pants discovered in Stu's drawer "Where are these man's pants come from?!" Post-truth era defense strategies deployed Does Stu now have a FREE PASS? 👀 🚗 Jo's Speed Awareness Course Caught doing 68 in a 60 (it was a fair cop!) Jo thought she might START THE COURSE FOR EVERYONE Imagined the instructor in his pyjamas panicking 🎄 December Panic Mode ACTIVATED The poinsettia is doing "a lot of heavy lifting" Christmas tree purchased: "I've only got a little one but I'm getting it up at the weekend" Are Stu & Jo's decorations up? Absolutely not. 👯‍♀️ BONUS: Jo's Ballet Disaster (Redux) Why Jo thought she was NAILING ballet class The mirror incident that changed everything Turns out: she was watching the instructor, not herself Same thing happened at Zumba... and possibly more recently "That old lady in the mirror... oh no, that's ME" 💬 Apology Tour: Sandra Edition Catherine's angry voice note: "Where the f**k was I?!" "Sandra, who the f**k is Sandra?!" If Jo still follows you on social media, you're safe Love letter to all former colleagues (yes, ALL of you) 🧼 THE HUMAN WASHING MACHINE Japan invents $385,000 washing machine... FOR HUMANS "Cleans the soul" - that's a DEEP cleanse Jo imagined ROTATION (obviously) Test pilot waves goodbye to his family before entering Would YOU get in? Comment below! 🐕 REJECTED: Competitive Dog Grooming Career "17 poodles in 30 minutes" - is that even possible? Jo doesn't know the difference between dog grooming and sheep shearing ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 0:00 - Intro & Mirror Confusion (Again) 0:47 - Poinsettia Festive Fail 2:07 - December Panic & Decorations 2:58 - PANTGATE: Mystery Underwear Discovered 4:08 - Free Pass Negotiations 5:03 - Jo's Speed Awareness Course 6:21 - Jo Thinks She Starts Courses For Everyone 6:25 - Apology to Former Colleagues (Except Sandra) 7:19 - Katherine's SAVAGE Voice Note 8:10 - Bonus Content: Ballet & Dog Grooming Chaos 11:32 - Ballet Story: The Mirror Incident Returns 13:11 - The HUMAN WASHING MACHINE Revealed 16:00 - Jo Imagines Rotation (Obviously) 💬 BEST QUOTES: "I'm gonna say another stupid thing now... but I imagine rotation" "Sandra, who the f**k is Sandra?!" "That old lady in the mirror... oh no, that's me" "Someone started the course! I haven't got my slides ready!" "It wasn't me" - Jo's post-truth defense strategy "I nailed it on my first go" (she was watching the instructor) 👫 ABOUT US: We're Stu & Jo - married 24 years and somehow still talking to each other. Stu's a computer programmer with spatial reasoning. Jo has excellent spatial awareness (the poinsettia incident says otherwise). We're bringing you chaos, confusion, and conversations about washing machines you didn't know you needed. 📱 CONNECT WITH US: Got mystery pants? Been on a speed awareness course? Think rotation is involved in human washing machines? COMMENT BELOW! Special shout outs: Catherine (sorry!), and all of Jo's former colleagues who are still on social media 💙 #Podcast #Comedy #MarriedLife #RelationshipHumor #Couples #BritishComedy #SpeedAwareness #Japan #WeirdInventions #ChristmasDecorations #MysteryPants #BalletFails #MirrorConfusion #HumanWashingMachine #CouplePodcast #PodcastEpisode #ADHD #MotorwaySafety #DomesticChaos #PostTruth #SandraDrama #CompetitiveDogGrooming #ZumbaFails #SpatialAwareness ⚠️ WARNING: Contains discussions of mystery underwear, imaginary rotation, multiple mirror-related incidents, and questionable spatial awareness. Jo may or may not understand how mirrors work. 👍 LIKE if you've ever thought you were nailing something but were actually watching someone else do it 💬 COMMENT your weirdest "naughty step" moment 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly domestic disasters Thanks for watching! Now go check your pant drawer! 🩳 🎥 Links mentioned in this episode: Human Washing Machine Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfNrAIITDi0 https://interestingengineering.com/innovation/human-washing-machine-goes-on-sale P.S. If you lost a pair of men's pants, please get in touch. We have questions.
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    17 分
  • Bird Quiz - ”I Nearly Said SCARECROW!” + Love Actually Made Us Cry
    2025/12/03

    Can you name 20 birds without Googling? Jo thinks she can... but wait until you hear "scarecrow" make an appearance! Plus, we fall down the Love Actually rabbit hole after watching the Waitrose Christmas advert. Spoiler: Emma Thompson is EVERYONE'S sister?!

    🐦 IN THIS EPISODE:

    🦜 THE GREAT BIRD NAMING CHALLENGE

    Jo attempts to name 20 birds off the top of her head

    "I nearly said scarecrow!" - The moment that broke us

    Blue tit, green tit... "you can have two tits!"

    Miliband or Mallard confusion: Is it a duck?

    Standard Goose? The struggle is REAL

    Final score: Did she hit 20? (You'll be surprised!)

    🎄 LOVE ACTUALLY: 22 YEARS LATER

    Inspired by Joe Wilkinson & Keira Knightley's Waitrose ad

    Why this 2003 classic still hits

    Stu's rating: "3 cries and 1 sob"

    The Colin Firth Portuguese romance moment 💔

    That video scene with Keira Knightley that DESTROYED us

    Emma Thompson revelation: Wait, she's WHOSE sister?!

    Hugh Grant dancing down the stairs (still iconic)

    🐦 ROBIN DRAMA: Christmas RUINED?

    Are robins actually MEAN birds?

    Jo's wild theory: Do they steal eggs like cuckoos?

    The great robin vs. cuckoo debate

    Can we still enjoy Christmas cards after this?

    Territorial robin facts that shocked us both

    🎬 ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Where Would We Be?

    Stu's dream: Independent film director (Hollywood would crush his creativity)

    Jo's confession: West End star... but NO SINGING

    "Some sort of mute musical" - The career that never was

    Would we have worked together? (Spoiler: Rom-coms only!)

    😤 MARRIAGE SURVIVAL TIPS

    How does Stu handle anger? "I tell her!" 😂

    The Great Potato Gratin Freezer Incident

    Pet peeves explained (Jo thought it was about ACTUAL PETS)

    Secret to happy marriage: "Tell him he's an idiot"

    ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:

    0:00 - Intro & Questionable Foreplay

    1:24 - Welcome to the Show!

    1:48 - THE BIRD NAMING CHALLENGE BEGINS

    6:36 - Robin Behaviour Investigation

    9:10 - Love Actually Deep Dive

    13:05 - Dream Careers: Hollywood vs West End

    15:11 - Joy, Pet Peeves & Handling Anger

    17:05 - The Potato Gratin Disaster

    💬 BEST QUOTES:

    "I nearly said scarecrow!"

    "You can have two tits (birds!)"

    "Three cries and one sob!"

    "I thought pet peeve was about PETS!"

    "I tell her... to wind her neck in!"

    🎯 WHY WATCH THIS:

    ✅ Bird naming fails that'll make you cry-laugh

    ✅ Love Actually nostalgia

    ✅ Marriage tips (sort of)

    ✅ British comedy chaos

    ✅ Empty nest banter at its finest

    ✅ Random bird facts you never asked for

    👫 ABOUT EMPTY NEST FULL BANTER:

    We're Jo & Stu - married 24+ years, empty nesters, and complete opposites who somehow make it work. She thinks scarecrows are birds. He can actually name birds correctly. Together, we bring you weekly doses of relationship chaos, questionable knowledge, and genuine laughs.

    📱 JOIN THE CONVERSATION:

    💭 Can YOU name 20 birds? Comment your list!

    🎬 What's your favourite Love Actually moment?

    🐦 Are robins actually mean? Settle this debate!

    ❓ Questions for future episodes? Drop them below!

    #EmptyNestFullBanter #Podcast #BirdQuiz #LoveActually #ChristmasMovies #KeiraKnightley #MarriedLife #BritishComedy #CouplePodcast #FunnyPodcast #ChristmasContent #MovieReview #RomCom #RelationshipGoals #Marriage #EmptyNesters #ComedyPodcast #UKPodcast #ChristmasAd #Waitrose #EmmaThompson #ColinFirth #HughGrant #RomanticComedy #Robins #ChristmasBirds #QuizShow #CoupleGoals #PodcastCommunity

    ⚠️ WARNING: Contains excessive laughter, bird confusion, emotional damage from Love Actually, and frozen potato gratins.

    👍 LIKE if you've ever confused a scarecrow for a bird

    💬 COMMENT your Love Actually cry count

    🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly empty nest chaos

    📤 SHARE with anyone who needs a laugh today!

    New episodes every week! Thanks for being part of our Empty Nest Full Banter family! 💕

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    19 分
  • Jo’s Bird Wrangling Disaster Interview + Waitrose Christmas Ad
    2025/11/30

    Jo reveals her latest career ambition: BIRD WRANGLING. Yes, you read that right. Despite being terrified of chickens and having a traumatic pigeon incident in Birmingham, she's ready to wrestle eagles... or is she?

    🎯 IN THIS EPISODE:

    🐔 The Bird Wrangling Interview

    - Jo applies for the world's strangest job

    - Can she name more than 12 birds? (Spoiler: We're not convinced)

    - The infamous tit-wrangling reference disaster

    - Why ostriches and fancy hats don't mix

    💼 Jo's Job History: A Masterclass in Quitting

    - Applied, accepted, and quit a job in 3 DAYS (possibly a world record?)

    - Tales from the revolving door of employment

    - Sometimes the job hates YOU back

    - Shout out to Sandra (the only good thing about work)

    💕 Relationship Chaos: ADHD vs. The Donkey Brain

    - Living with someone who discusses 3 topics in ONE sentence

    - Stu's brain: a peaceful donkey cart 🫏

    - Jo's brain: a motorway at rush hour 🏎️

    - The whale/salmon conversation phenomenon explained

    🎄 BONUS: Waitrose Christmas Advert Review

    - Why we're obsessed with the new Keira Knightley ad

    - Stu gets a "free pass" (and so does Jo!)

    - Mark Bonner: The unexpected crush revelation

    - TikTok algorithm exposes Jo's... interesting viewing habits 👀

    ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:

    0:00 - Intro & Mannequin Talk

    2:32 - What Are We Talking About Today?

    4:12 - Waitrose Advert & Keira Knightley

    7:19 - Free Pass Confusion

    9:47 - Bird Wrangling Origins

    12:27 - The Bird Wrangling Interview Begins

    15:18 - Life Together: ADHD Meets Donkey Brain

    17:23 - Final Thoughts & Subscribe!

    ## 💬 BEST QUOTES:

    "Sometimes the job hates me!"

    "I nearly drowned, call the emergency services"

    "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" "Ask me where I'll be in 2 months!"

    "You lost control of the tits on several occasions"

    ---

    👫 ABOUT US:

    We're Stu & Jo - a married couple who've been together 24 years (somehow). He's a computer programmer who can help with your AI fears. She's... well, she's looking for her next career, possibly in avian wrestling. We're very different people who somehow make it work, and we're bringing you our chaotic conversations weekly!

    ---

    📱 CONNECT WITH US:

    Questions? Relationship advice? Bird wrangling tips? Send us a message on Instagram Instagram @emptynestfullbanter

    Special shout out to Sandra - you're a legend! 💙

    ---

    #Podcast #Comedy #BirdWrangling #Relationships #ADHD #MarriedLife #CareerChange #JobHunting #CouplePodcast #BritishComedy #WeirdJobs #KeiraKnightley #ChristmasAdverts #TikTokAlgorithm #PodcastEpisode #RelationshipHumor #JobInterview #AnimalJobs #QuirkyCouples

    ---

    ⚠️ WARNING: Contains discussions of bird poo, questionable career choices, and an unhealthy obsession with a supermarket Christmas advert.

    👍 LIKE if you've ever quit a job before starting it

    💬 COMMENT your weirdest job experience

    🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chaos

    Thanks for watching! Now go wrestle a pigeon! 🐦💪

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    19 分