『Ep 444 Why Couples Resist Change, and What It Costs to Stay Stuck w/Iona Monk & Pam Stewart』のカバーアート

Ep 444 Why Couples Resist Change, and What It Costs to Stay Stuck w/Iona Monk & Pam Stewart

Ep 444 Why Couples Resist Change, and What It Costs to Stay Stuck w/Iona Monk & Pam Stewart

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10月19日まで。※適用条件あり
Zach flips the usual format and welcomes two fellow podcasters: Iona Monk and Pam Stewart, the therapists behind Relationship Dish. They're podcast partners, not romantic partners, and they're quick to add that they'd be a terrible match anyway (Iona pursues, Pam withdraws). Iona started the show to take the shame out of couples therapy. Couples tend to show up six or seven years too late, like walking into a dentist after years away and asking them to save the tooth. If two therapists can talk openly about their own marriages, maybe everyone else will get help sooner. Pam brings a different lens from years of family therapy, where parents often believe everything would be fine if the kid would just change.That idea turns into the backbone of the conversation: systems resist change. Iona calls it homeostasis, the pull back to whatever the body and brain already know. Pam calls it the "misery stabilizer," and points out how much energy it takes to keep things stuck. Zach pushes back on the idea that people hate change. They change their clothes every day. What they hate is loss, and they don't move until the cost of staying the same outweighs the cost of changing. From there, the three of them run with a Home Depot metaphor. Couples come in asking for tools, but a good helper asks what you're building first, and you don't hand a power saw to a kid. Iona shares a story about a couple who wanted "tools" mostly so one could hit the other over the head with them.The episode closes with Iona's new book, Happy for the Long Haul, which looks at marital conflict through five lenses, including relational trauma and what she calls the biological need for speed: the way growing up in chaos can leave your body craving the adrenaline of conflict. Zach connects it to what he calls relational recovery, the idea that all of us are hooked on the protective systems we learned as kids. It's a smart, funny, and practical conversation about why couples stay stuck and what it takes to finally move.Key TakeawaysPeople don't resist change. They resist loss. Name what the change will cost you, and it gets easier to face.You won't change until staying the same costs more than changing. Part of good therapy is helping you see that cost clearly.Staying miserable takes more energy than it looks like. Couples often realize this only after they've changed.Sometimes a couple avoids doing the work because failing would be scarier than staying stuck. Not trying protects the fantasy that things could be better "someday."Tools don't help until you know what you're building. Figure out whether you need fresh paint, a remodel, or a new foundation.A relationship tool can become a weapon. If you're using what you learned in therapy to prove your partner wrong, you're missing the point.The problem is rarely one person. It's the cycle you've built together, and that cycle is your common enemy.The survival strategies that protected you as a kid can sink you as an adult. You can survive or you can thrive, but you can't do both.Guest InfoIona Monk is a registered clinical counsellor in the greater Vancouver area with a graduate degree from the University of British Columbia. She works with couples and individuals, mainly through the lens of attachment and defense systems, with emotionally focused therapy as a core approach. She has 25 years of experience as a couples therapist. Iona co-hosts Relationship Dish and is the author of Happy for the Long Haul, a practical guide to building a marriage that goes the distance, drawn from her client work and her own 30-year relationship. The book came out September 22 and is available on Amazon.Pam Stewart is a registered clinical counsellor with master's degrees from the University of British Columbia and the University of Colorado. Her clinical focus is parents and children, helping families build healthy attachment relationships, often alongside child therapists and psychiatry as part of a coordinated care team. She says she's retired, but she still does some family therapy and has a side business in interior design. Pam and Iona met in grad school and co-host Relationship Dish together.Relationship Dish is a podcast where two therapists talk honestly about their own romantic relationships. New episodes come out every two weeks on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and other podcast apps.Iona's practice and show page: ionamonkcouplestherapy.com/relationshipdishBook: Happy for the Long Haul (Amazon)Show socials: Instagram @relationshipdishCrossover note: Zach also appeared on Relationship Dish to talk about the movie The Invite.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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