The ultimate guide to retail rivalries, digital snobbery, and faking your way to a better discount. 📰🛒

In this 30-minute episode, comedian Kelly Morton dives headfirst into headlines of the USA Today newspaper he gets delivered to his house.

We are also breaking down why Costco shoppers look down on Sam's Club, the ridiculous war between iPhone and Android users, and the secret art of fake-canceling your subscriptions to bully corporations into a better deal.

We also expose the gross reality of how often people actually wash their bedding, Gen Z’s resurrection of the shopping mall, and why Kohl's basically became a glorified Amazon return desk.

Hit play, and let's find out why everyone ELSE is the problem.

Episode Markers:

(00:00) Intro & The USA Today Rant

(04:35) The Costco vs. Sam's Club Hierarchy

(08:30) iPhone Snobs & Android Peasants

(11:15) Dog Rescue Drones

(12:35) USA Today Comes to My House

(17:15) How to Fake Cancel for Cheaper Deals

(20:35) The Gross Truth About Washing Your Bedding

(22:55) Malls, Dillards is a Front, Kohl's is an Amazon Return Center

(29:35) Wrap Up

As if plucked right out of the thin night air, this radio-style sound will engage you from In to Out.

How a U.S. Navy battleship galley shaped the modern drive-thru lane. 🌍⚓️As Memorial Day approaches, Kelly Morton delivers a special radio-style broadcast in memoriam of the heroes who gave everything. Today, we step into a fast-food time machine to uncover how military-surplus technology and a lone teenage heiress preserved an American empire. Pull into the lane, share the lore, and thank a veteran for the moment.

This sketch will make you laugh out loud and think, "So true...so true." Thank you for subscribing!