What if evolution isn't only something that happens to a species over millions of years?

What if it's happening inside you right now?

In episode 97, Dan and Carlos explore one of the biggest questions we've taken on yet:

Why do we evolve?

Why is there something inside human beings that keeps reaching for more?

More experience. More understanding. More growth. More expression. More life.

And why is pain so often the thing that finally forces us to change?

Dan introduces the idea of two very different forces that can move a human life forward: being pushed by fear, pain and circumstances—or being pulled by curiosity, passion and the desire to experience more of what life has to offer.

That distinction opens the door to a much deeper conversation.

We explore questions including:

• What does evolution actually mean?

• Why are human beings constantly driven toward “more”?

• Does technology mean humanity is actually evolving?

• Were human beings built for comfort—or challenge?

• Why does pain accelerate transformation?

• Are you being pushed by fear or pulled by purpose?

• Can someone evolve without first reaching a crisis?

• Why can material success still leave someone feeling empty?

• How much of what we believe we want is actually programming?

• Are most people living on autopilot?

• What happens when we resist change?

• Does evolution require pain?

• Why is curiosity such a powerful driver of growth?

• What can Darwin's theory tell us—and what questions does it leave unanswered?

• Why do we evolve at all?

• What is consciousness?

• Is consciousness connected to what people call God or Source?

• Why does the human experience exist?

• Why are humans driven to create and express themselves?

• Can evolution happen within a single lifetime?

• Is death part of the evolutionary experience?

• Why are human beings so afraid of death?

• Can making peace with mortality make us more free?

• What role could AI play in the next stage of human evolution?

• If knowledge becomes universally available, does creativity become more valuable?

• Can AI ever become conscious?

• How do we choose the right teachers as we evolve?

• What happens when we resist our own evolution?

This is Conversations I Wish I Had With My Father — an unscripted series of the How To Battle Podcast with Carlos Vasquez and Dan Olschwang exploring the deeper questions about life, identity, relationships, pain, consciousness, purpose and the human experience that so many of us never had the opportunity to ask.

If there is a conversation you wish you could have had with your father, leave the question in the comments. It may become a future episode.

Subscribe and join us for a new conversation every week.

Learn more about Dan Olschwang:

https://www.danolschwang.com/

Join Carlos Vasquez on Substack:

https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

#ConversationsIWishIHadWithMyFather #HowToBattle #CIWIHWMF #Evolution #PersonalGrowth #Consciousness #HumanPotential #SelfRealization #Spirituality #Purpose #InnerWork #Transformation #Curiosity #ArtificialIntelligence #HumanEvolution

She became pregnant at 13.

Had her daughter at 14.

Entered foster care.

Grew up surrounded by poverty, gangs, drugs and violence.

And for years, Valaery Rose struggled with the belief that maybe this was simply the life she had been given.

But eventually, she made a different decision:

The cycle was going to end with her.

In this episode of the How To Battle Podcast, Carlos sits down with Valaery Rose for a raw conversation about teen motherhood, foster care, gang culture, toxic relationships, self-worth, motherhood, healing, personal development and the power of choosing a different future.

Timestamps:

00:00 Pregnant at 13 and entering foster care

01:08 Surviving darkness and becoming a light for others

03:18 Growing up around gangs, poverty and addiction

05:02 Feeling abandoned by her parents

07:15 The streets, fighting and becoming a teen mom

08:25 What it feels like to be pregnant at 13

10:32 The moment motherhood changed everything

11:29 “I became the mother I wish I had”

12:06 Leaving her daughter’s father and breaking the pattern

17:03 Nine years inside a toxic relationship

19:48 How she finally found the courage to leave

20:25 “No one is going to come save me”

24:41 Stepping into the unknown and rebuilding herself

27:15 The personal-development practices that changed her life

32:20 Why Carlos began living life like an adventure

36:00 Why young people are drawn to gangs

40:52 Be loyal to yourself—not the streets

42:34 The social worker who showed her another life

45:07 How Valaery became a life coach

49:39 Her definition of success

54:29 Becoming a motivational speaker

55:31 Why Carlos sometimes feels like it’s never enough

59:39 Do we need rock bottom to change?

1:00:20 Where Valaery sees herself in five years

1:04:03 The power of vulnerability

1:06:52 Build a life that you love

Valaery's life is proof that your environment can influence you without having to define you.

Your family can shape you without determining your future.

Your mistakes can become lessons.

And the life you're living today does not have to be the life you're living five years from now.

Sometimes transformation begins with one very uncomfortable question:

What am I allowing in my life that I already know needs to change?

If this episode speaks to you, subscribe to the How To Battle Podcast and share it with someone who may need the reminder that they are allowed to want more for their life.

Connect with Valaery Rose

Instagram: @valaery.rose

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/valaeryrose

Connect with Carlos

Instagram: https://instagram.com/carlosvasquezofficial

Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/carlosvasquezofficial

#BreakingTheCycle #TeenMom #SelfLeadership #Resilience

#ValaeryRose #CarlosVasquez #HowToBattle #HowToBattlePodcast

Our family is the first place we learn what love feels like.

But it's also the first place we learn fear, expectations, beliefs, rules, identity and what we're told life is supposed to look like.

So how much of who we become is actually us, and how much was handed to us by the family we were born into?

In Episode 95, I sit down with Dan to explore one of the most complicated forces in the human experience:

Family. The good, the bad and the ugly.

We explore how our earliest experiences with parents and caregivers begin shaping the way we understand ourselves and the world long before we're old enough to question any of it.

Dan describes the family as our first “mold” — the environment where we begin learning whether we're safe, whether we're okay, how relationships work, what is expected of us and what we believe is possible.

But parents are human too.

They carry their own fears, wounds, insecurities, beliefs and inherited patterns, and whether they intend to or not, some of those patterns inevitably become part of the next generation.

That raises some uncomfortable questions.

Are parents automatically right simply because they're parents?

Should children follow the path their parents choose for them?

Is rebellion sometimes a healthy part of becoming yourself?

Why can family members trigger us more deeply than almost anyone else?

How do you set boundaries without completely abandoning the people you love?

And do we actually owe our family anything?

Dan and I also explore generational trauma, parenting, unconditional love, family hierarchy, the influence of technology and social media on younger generations, blended families and what happens when one person decides to break a pattern that has existed for generations.

I also share my own experience of reconnecting with my family after years in the streets and prison, and realizing that loving my family did not mean I couldn't establish boundaries with them.

Sometimes those boundaries actually made the relationship stronger.

Subscribe and join us for a new conversation every Wednesday.

Learn more about Dan Olschwang:

https://www.danolschwang.com

Join Carlos Vasquez on Substack:

https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

We explore questions including:

• How much does your family shape who you become?

• Are parents automatically right because they're parents?

• What does a healthy family actually look like?

• What gets passed from one generation to the next?

• What is generational trauma?

• How do you break patterns that existed before you were born?

• Can parents unintentionally pass their own fear onto their children?

• Why are children sometimes our greatest teachers?

• Should parents allow their children to rebel?

• How much freedom should children have to discover their own path?

• Why does your family know exactly how to push your buttons?

• What is unconditional love between a parent and child?

• Does a child's struggle mean the parent failed?

• Do we owe our parents or family anything?

• Can you love your family and still separate yourself from them?

• How do blended and adoptive families fit into the definition of family?

• Can healing one person change an entire family system?

• Can breaking your own patterns change the generations that come after you?

#ConversationsIWishIHadWithMyFather #HowToBattle #CIWIHWMF #Family #GenerationalTrauma #Parenting #FamilyHealing #Boundaries #ChildhoodTrauma #BreakingTheCycle #PersonalGrowth #InnerWork #Healing #SelfDiscovery #Transformation

We say we love our partners. Our children. Our parents. Our friends.

But what is love — really?

And how much of what we call love was actually taught to us by our childhood, our wounds, our culture and the relationships we experienced growing up?

In the this episode of How To Battle, Dan Olschwang and I explore one of the deepest questions I wish I could have asked my father:

What is love, and what is the purpose of relationships in our lives?

This conversation goes far beyond romance.

We talk about how people learn what love means, why two people can experience love completely differently, how childhood wounds affect our ability to give and receive love, why relationships can expose parts of ourselves we cannot see alone, and whether there really is such a thing as a soulmate.

Dan shares his perspective that love is something experienced through connection — an exchange that becomes deeper as two people become more open, healed and aligned.

That leads us into some uncomfortable questions.

Is “self-love” actually love?

Do soulmates really exist?

How do you know when you have found yours?

Should marriage matter, or is commitment what actually matters?

Can open relationships reach the same depth as complete commitment to one person?

What happens when one person in a relationship keeps growing and the other doesn't?

And can the person we love become one of the greatest catalysts for our own healing?

I also share parts of my relationship with Shirin, how we met while volunteering with foster children, why I initially resisted the relationship, the connection I couldn't explain, and how healing individually helped us eventually become stronger together.

This is Conversations I Wish I Had With My Father — a series built around the questions about life, meaning, relationships, fear, purpose and the human experience that so many of us never had the opportunity to ask.

Learn more about Dan Olschwang:

https://www.danolschwang.com

Join Carlos Vasquez on Substack for weekly reflections on transformation, leadership, purpose and the human experience:

https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

#ConversationsIWishIHadWithMyFather #HowToBattle #CIWIHWMF #WhatIsLove #Love #Relationships #Soulmates #HealthyRelationships #Marriage #EmotionalHealing #PersonalGrowth #InnerWork #SelfDiscovery #Healing #Transformation

Most of us spend our entire lives answering the question “Who am I?” with labels.

Our name. Our job. Our past. Our accomplishments. Our failures. Our beliefs. The roles we play.

But what if none of those things are actually who we are?

In the second episode of Conversations I Wish I Had With My Father, I sit down with Dan Olschwang to explore one of the deepest questions I wish I could have asked my father:

Who am I, really?

But before we can answer who we are, Dan proposes an even deeper question:

What am I?

This conversation moves through identity, consciousness, the soul, conditioning, free choice, fear, fate, destiny, purpose, relationships, love and what it means to actually express who you are beneath everything life has taught you to become.

We explore how our families, environments, experiences and pain begin shaping our identities before we are old enough to question them, and how many of us eventually enter adulthood believing those accumulated experiences are simply “who we are.”

Dan introduces the difference between fate and destiny: a life being pushed forward by the fears and conditioning of the past versus a life being pulled forward by calling, passion and genuine self-expression.

I also reflect on my own life, from the environment that pushed me toward drugs, violence and ultimately prison, to discovering a completely different way of living that now feels less like something pushing me and more like something calling me forward.

We explore questions including:

• Who are we beneath our labels, roles and experiences?

• Are we our body and mind, or something deeper?

• How much of our identity is created by our environment?

• What is consciousness?

• What is the soul?

• Do we actually have free choice?

• What is the difference between fate and destiny?

• Are you being pushed through life by fear or pulled by something you love?

• How do you know when you're living on the wrong path?

• Can healing help us discover who we actually are?

• Is there such a thing as reaching your “highest self”?

• Why do some people seem to discover their gifts early in life?

• What do you do when you have no idea what your purpose is?

• Can the people we love influence our destiny?

• Why do we sometimes attract relationships that recreate our pain?

• Can love overcome fear?

• What does it mean to fully express yourself?

This is Conversations I Wish I Had With My Father, a series built around the questions about life, meaning, relationships, fear, purpose and the human experience that so many of us never had the opportunity to ask.

If there is a conversation you wish you could have had with your father, leave the question in the comments. It may become a future episode.

Subscribe and join us for a new conversation every Wednesday.

Learn more about Dan Olschwang:

https://www.danolschwang.com

Join Carlos Vasquez on Substack for weekly reflections on transformation, leadership, purpose and the human experience:

https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

#ConversationsIWishIHadWithMyFather #HowToBattle #CIWIHWMF #WhoAmI #Identity #SelfDiscovery #Consciousness #SelfRealization #Purpose #PersonalGrowth #InnerWork #FateVsDestiny #Healing #Love #Transformation

Pain can break us. Numb us. Control us. But what if pain is also one of the forces that changes us?

In the first episode of our new series Conversations I Wish I Had With My Father, I sit down with Dan Olschwang to explore one of the deepest questions I wish I could have asked my father:

Why do we experience pain?

This conversation goes far beyond physical pain.

We talk about emotional suffering, childhood experiences, addiction and numbing, fear, anxiety, the stories we attach to painful experiences, why people stay trapped in familiar forms of suffering, and whether pain can ultimately become a pathway toward growth, freedom and purpose.

Dan also opens up about experiencing anxiety and emotional struggles even while appearing successful on the outside, and how confronting his own pain changed the way he lived, parented and ultimately helped others.

We explore questions including:

• Why does pain exist?

• Is suffering an unavoidable part of being human?

• Why can the same experience devastate one person and barely affect another?

• What happens when we numb pain instead of facing it?

• Can our relationship with pain actually change the experience?

• How does unresolved pain influence fear, anger and our reactions?

• Why do people stay inside pain that is familiar rather than face the unknown?

• Can pain become part of our purpose?

This is Conversations I Wish I Had With My Father — a series built around the questions about life, meaning, relationships, fear, purpose and the human experience that so many of us never had the opportunity to ask.

If there is a conversation you wish you could have had with your father, leave the question in the comments. It may become a future episode.

Subscribe and join us for a new conversation every Wednesday.

Learn more about Dan Olschwang: https://www.danolschwang.com

Join Carlos Vasquez on Substack for weekly reflections on transformation, leadership, purpose and the human experience: https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

CHAPTERS

00:00 Pain is part of the human experience

01:20 The conversations I wish I had with my father

05:00 What is pain — and why do we experience it?

10:00 Pain as a change agent

15:00 Is suffering unavoidable?

20:00 Why our interpretation changes pain

25:00 Numbing pain: drugs, addiction and avoidance

35:00 Can we transcend pain?

40:00 Separating the signal from our reaction

45:00 Teaching children not to fear discomfort

50:00 Emotional pain, energy and the body

65:00 Dan's story: success, anxiety and healing

75:00 When your pain prepares you to help others

80:00 Pain can become strength — or a prison

85:00 Pain, reaction and free will

90:00 How pain becomes fear, anger and grief

95:00 What is the purpose of pain?

100:00 Why we stay inside familiar pain

105:00 Presence in a distracted world

110:00 Final reflections

#Pain #Healing #PersonalGrowth #CIWIHWMF #ConversationsIWishIHadWithMyFather #HowToBattle

Five years ago, I walked out of prison after serving 17 years.

I had $200 in gate money. No real work history. No understanding of the world I was walking back into. And almost everything about my past seemed to tell employers one thing:

Don’t take a chance on this guy.

In this solo episode I wanted to take you back to those first days of freedom and explain how my life went from starting over with almost nothing to writing books, building businesses, speaking around the country, launching the How To Battle Podcast, and creating work that I genuinely believe I was meant to do.

But this episode isn’t really about accomplishments. It’s about what happens when life forces you to make a decision: Are you going to allow your circumstances to define you, or are you going to bet on yourself?

My first four job applications were rejected. Not because I couldn’t work.

Because of my past.

My tattoos.

My former gang affiliation.

Seventeen years of incarceration.

No traditional work experience.

And very little formal education that employers recognized.

Those rejections became a turning point.

Instead of waiting for someone else to give me permission to build a life, I decided to learn how to create one.

That led me into entrepreneurship.

Then writing.

Then speaking.

Then podcasting.

And eventually into the businesses and projects I’m building today.

In this episode, I also share the story behind the How To Battle Podcast and why its roots actually go back to the men I worked with inside prison every Tuesday in the chapel.

I saw firsthand what happens when someone finally feels safe enough to tell the truth about their life. Telling your story can heal you. It can teach you. And it can help someone listening realize that they are not alone.

That belief became the foundation of How To Battle.

And now, as we approach Episode 100, the podcast is evolving again.

I also introduce a new series I’ve been developing with my mentor, coach, friend and brother Dan:

Conversations I Wish I Had With My Father.

My father left when I was young.

For years, I carried anger, resentment and bitterness toward him.

Eventually, through doing my own healing work, I reached a place where I could sit across from him and ask the questions I had carried with me for most of my life.

That experience changed me.

And it made me realize how many people are carrying questions they wish they could ask their own fathers.

Questions about fear.

Love.

Death.

Resentment.

Relationships.

Accountability.

Authenticity.

Purpose.

And what it actually means to become a man.

This new series is about creating space for those conversations.

I’m five years into freedom.

And I’m still learning.

Still healing.

Still building.

Still becoming.

If you’re starting over, whether you’re coming home from prison, rebuilding after failure, changing careers, healing from your past, or simply realizing that your old life no longer fits you, I hope this episode reminds you that your beginning does not determine your ending.

Sometimes the moment nobody wants to give you a chance is the moment you finally learn to give yourself one.

Subscribe to the How To Battle Podcast and let me know in the comments: What is one conversation you wish you could have had with your father?

#HowToBattle #HowToBattlePodcast #CarlosVasquez #PrisonToPurpose #SecondChances #CarlosUnfiltered

For much of her childhood, Kym Chartrand wanted one thing:

To be invisible.

She grew up inside a volatile home, experienced sexual abuse by her stepfather, watched her mother struggle with alcohol, helped raise her younger brothers, and learned very early that speaking the truth could come with consequences.

So she became quiet. She tried not to be noticed.

She carried things a child should never have been asked to carry.

In this deeply personal episode of the How To Battle Podcast, Kym shares parts of her story publicly for the first time.

She talks about the childhood moment when she sensed something was wrong, the betrayal she experienced after disclosing abuse, the day she finally stood up to her stepfather, and how she slowly began discovering a voice that had been buried for years.

But the story doesn't end with childhood. Kym also opens up about her younger brother Nicholas, a boy she loved and cared for almost like a son.

After a difficult childhood, placement homes, incarceration, and struggles trying to rebuild his life, Nicholas was later killed following a police pursuit. For everyone else, it became a news story. For Kym, it was her brother.

His death broke something inside her.

She describes the isolation of grieving someone whose life others reduced to labels, headlines, or assumptions, and the pain of realizing that many people never stopped to see the child and human being underneath the story.

Eventually, Kym began returning to the thing that had always helped her make sense of the world: Writing. She began writing from other people's perspectives.

She wrote about her childhood. She began imagining telling her brother's story alongside her own. She explored grief and death by working as a death doula. And eventually, she made another decision:

She wanted to live.

She bought a boat, learned how to navigate it, spent time on the water, surrounded herself with nature, and began discovering that healing could also include beauty, adventure, laughter, creativity, and service.

Today, Kym wants to use what she has survived to empower girls and young people so that trauma never becomes the final definition of who they are.

This conversation is not about defining a person by what happened to them.

It is about acknowledging what happened, and then meeting the person who exists on the other side of it. Sometimes healing isn't forgetting your former self.

Sometimes healing is introducing that former version of you to the person you've become.

Connect with Kym

https://www.instagram.com/kymchartrand

Connect with Carlos

https://www.instagram.com/carlosvasquezofficial

Follow How To Battle Podcast

https://www.instagram.com/howtobattlepodcast

Learn more about Pathway to Purpose Project https://www.instagram.com/pathway2purposeproject

#CarlosVasquez#HowToBattle#HowToBattlePodcast#FindingYourVoice #TraumaHealing #Grief