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“I never thought I would be the one.” It is the sentence people say after an affair, and it points to why affairs happen to people who were sure they were safe.

How do affairs start? Why do good people cheat, including people in happy marriages and committed Christians? In this episode of The Voyage Cast, Eddie Eccker, MS, LMFT, walks through Proverbs 7 as a three-thousand-year-old case study of infidelity and sets it beside what he sees in his counseling office and what the research on affairs shows.

Most affairs do not begin with a stranger. They begin with a coworker, a friend, a neighbor, or someone from church. Eddie explains the four things a person is offered at the start of an affair (being chosen, a clear conscience, pleasure, and secrecy) and why the real decision gets made long before anyone thinks they are deciding.

This episode covers:

• How affairs start, and why most begin as friendships or at work
• Why good people cheat, even in happy marriages
• What arousal and secrecy do to your judgment
• Why the people most confident in their self-control are at higher risk
• The confusion after an affair: “What have I done?” and “Who am I now?”
• What an affair costs: your marriage, your family, your reputation
• How to protect your marriage from infidelity before temptation shows up
• What Proverbs 7 and 1 Corinthians 10:12 say about temptation

If you are the spouse who was betrayed, parts of this episode may be hard to hear. An explanation is not the same thing as an excuse.

Research referenced: Shirley Glass (Not “Just Friends”), Dan Ariely and George Loewenstein, Daniel Wegner, Helen Fisher, Loran Nordgren, and Leon Festinger.

This episode is based on Eddie’s article “I Never Thought I Would Be the One.” Read it, with all the sources and Scripture references, on his website: https://www.eddieeccker.com/post/i-never-thought-i-would-be-the-one

Topics discussed: how affairs start, why people cheat, infidelity, emotional affairs, workplace affairs, affair prevention, protecting your marriage, Christian marriage, temptation, Proverbs 7, marriage counseling.

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What does it take to keep becoming? Eddie Eccker wrestles with that question on The Voyage Cast through interviews, topical discussions, and teachings on emotional health, marriage and family, faith, and the habits and stories that shape a life.

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