What to do when your child knows the work but still falls apart at home

Your child knows how to do the work.

The teacher says they can do it independently. You have watched them solve the same kind of problem before.

And then homework starts:

"Is this right?"
"Are you sure?"
"Can you check this?"
"I CAN'T DO THIS."

In this episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude helps parents figure out whether homework struggles are coming from a skill deficit or a performance deficit.

Sometimes "I can't" means:

"I don't know how."

Sometimes it means:

"I know how, but anxiety is making it hard to use the skill right now."

You'll learn how to tell the difference, avoid getting pulled into the reassurance loop, and support your child without becoming the answer key.

• Your child can do the work at school but struggles at home.
• You hear "Is this right?" or "Are you sure?" over and over.
• Homework turns into tears, shutdown, erasing, or refusal.
• You are not sure whether your child is anxious or genuinely confused.
• Homework takes much longer than you think it should.

• The difference between a skill deficit and a performance deficit.
• Why "I can't" may really mean "I don't feel sure enough."
• Why a child can work independently at school and still struggle at home.
• How reassurance can become part of the homework loop.
• How to support your child without becoming the answer key.

• After-School Reset Guide
• Volcano Feelings Freebie
• Summer Without the Spiral
• Tiny Wins Playbook
• ADHD, Anxiety, or Something Else?

If this episode made you think, "Yep. This is exactly what homework looks like in my house," come follow me on Instagram @dramypatenaude for practical school-psych takes on the moments when you know your child is capable, but something is getting in the way.

And if you have a friend currently sitting at the kitchen table saying, "But I know you know how to do this," send this episode to them. They probably need it too.

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This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a provider-client relationship. If you're concerned about your child's mental health, safety, learning, or development, please consult a qualified professional in your area.