What does it take for a devoted husband to become a compassionate carer? In this moving episode, Carol speaks with Marty Schreiber, former Governor of Wisconsin, about his journey supporting his wife Elaine through more than two decades of living with Alzheimer's.

Marty shares how Elaine's early symptoms, from getting lost on familiar routes to muddling long loved recipes, marked the start of what he calls "the second Elaine." He speaks candidly about the guilt, grief and exhaustion that came with caregiving, and the medical profession's failure to properly prepare him for what lay ahead. Out of that experience came his book, ‘My Two Elaines’, written to give other carers the primer he wished he'd had.

The conversation moves through some of the most valuable lessons Marty learned along the way, from the idea of "joining her world" rather than pulling Elaine back into his, to the importance of asking for help before the carer becomes a casualty too. Carol and Marty also discuss the wider stigma around dementia, the need for society to treat it as openly as any other illness, and what politicians could be doing to better support families living with the condition.

To close, Marty reflects on what he'd wish for Elaine with the benefit of hindsight. His response offers a beautifully simple answer to what truly matters when someone can no longer remember your name.

Interesting Discussion Points

{2:03} - How Elaine's early symptoms first appeared, and the gap in support Marty found at the point of diagnosis

{10:20} - The idea of "therapeutic fibbing" and why joining a loved one's world matters more than correcting it

{22:15} - Why Marty describes carers as a "lifeline" and the importance of looking after your own wellbeing

{30:10} - Tackling the stigma around dementia and the case for making it a "chicken casserole disease"

{36:54} - What politicians and wider society could do to better support people living with dementia and those who care for them

Key Takeaways

• Carers are often the hidden second patient. Understanding and protecting your own wellbeing is not selfish, it is essential to being able to support your loved one
• Joining the world of someone living with dementia, rather than trying to pull them back into yours, brings far more peace and connection than correcting or arguing
• Asking for help is a sign of strength, not failure. Trying to manage caregiving alone puts both carer and loved one at risk
• Connection does not depend on being remembered. A hug, a smile or a shared moment can matter just as much as recognition

You can contact:

Marty Schreiber: https://mytwoelaines.com/

Marty’s book – ‘My Two Elaines’ - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Two-Elaines-Surviving-Alzheimers-Caregiver/dp/1945271213

Dr Carol Sargent at https://sargentgroup.consulting/