Why am I so angry over things that do not deserve it, and why do I hate myself

afterward? The anger is real. It is just aimed at the wrong person.

This is a session with a client who stopped himself in the middle of an argument

with his wife and said, I have so much more anger right now than is warranted for

this conversation, and I don't totaly understand why. Underneath it was not the

money he was arguing about. It was displaced anger from a childhood in which

his deeper needs and wants were never considered, landing on the person

standing closest. We cover the Worst Day Cycle™ of trauma, fear, shame and

denial, the Authentic Self Cycle™ of truth, responsibility, healing and forgiveness,

and the six steps of the Emotional Authenticity Method™ you can use the next

time your anger is bigger than the moment in front of you.

Displaced anger is a form of denial and self-deception. It is when we transfer

anger away from the person we would like to express it toward and onto

somebody who is just like them, because the original person was too big to be

angry at and our life depended on them.

Anger is almost always either displaced onto a stand-in or turned back on

ourselves. To find out which, write down anything you judge, blame, hate or

criticize, then turn every you into I. What you say about them is what you are

doing to yourself, directly or metaphoricaly.

The people you keep getting angry at are satelites, interchangeable versions of

a parent you are stil angry at. Removing one satelite never ends the pattern,

because the one at the center has not been dealt with. That is why no single

relationship ever looks like the problem.

A 2020 study of 326 trauma-exposed adults in the journal Psychological Trauma

found that experiential avoidance fuly mediates the relationship between shame

and post-traumatic stress symptoms. It is not the shame that keeps a person

stuck. It is the refusal to feel it, which is exactly what displacement is for.

Kenny Weiss is a relationship, communication and childhood trauma recovery

specialist and an ICF Certified Professional Life Coach. He created the Worst

Day Cycle™, the Authentic Self Cycle™ and the Emotional Authenticity

Method™, and wrote Your Journey to Success and Your Journey to Being

Yourself.

TOPICS COVERED: why am I so angry, displaced anger, why am I so angry for

no reason, overreacting to smal things, anger and childhood trauma, emotional

blueprint, survival persona, self-deception and denial, victim position,

reparenting, emotional authenticity

TIMESTAMPS

0:00 Angrier than the conversation caled for

1:50 The pattern he could not see

3:04 Displaced anger, defined

3:43 Satelites: the same fight, new face

4:37 Where the anger was built

5:32 The research on avoidance and shame

6:08 Why blaming feels like power

7:06 My driving range: her, or my dad

8:30 The Worst Day Cycle

9:43 Truth: flip every you to I

12:18 Emotional Authenticity and titration

15:26 Feelization: rewiring where anger goes

Talk to my free AI Coach: https://kennyweiss.net🤖

Schedule a Session: https://calendly.com/kennyweiss/single-session-350🕺🏼

Client Reviews: https://bit.ly/30zFTBN📣

📚

My New Book: Your Journey To Being Yourself; https://amzn.to/3U1IGNZ

📚

My First Book: 'Your Journey To Success': https://amzn.to/3nfVphr

My Website: https://www.kennyweiss.net🌍

🎓

Online Masterclasses: https://thegreatnessu.com/courses

FREE childhood Assessment: https://kennyweiss.net/childhood-assessment

FREE Emotional Blueprint Quiz: https://kennyweiss.net/emotional-blueprint-quiz

🕺CONNECT WITH ME:

Heal The Hurt Weekly Podcast https://spoti.fi/46FSmAj 🎙

Instagram @kennyweiss.kw 📸

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/kennyweiss.net👥

Newsletter https://geni.us/kennyweissnewsletter 💌

#WhyAmISoAngry #DisplacedAnger #ChildhoodTrauma #EmotionalAuthenticity

#KennyWeiss

Fear of intimacy makes you shut down, pull away, or pick a fight right when love gets close. That isn't a character defect. It's a survival strategy doing a job, and once you see the job, you can change it.

In this video I share a client's story: a hardworking, patient man at work who was hiding from his wife at home, and who kept letting things slide until she pointed them out. When he traced it back, he found the short-term emotional relief underneath every withdrawal, and the childhood that taught him he had to perform to belong.

I break it down through the Worst Day Cycle™ (Trauma, Fear, Shame, Denial), the Authentic Self Cycle™ (Truth, Responsibility, Healing, Forgiveness), and the six steps of the Emotional Authenticity Method™.

Fear of intimacy is the fear of being seen behind the survival persona. The avoidant partner builds a better-than mask to cover how small and insignificant they felt as a child, and closeness threatens to expose it.

Shutting down, withdrawing, defensiveness and detachment are attempts to soothe intolerable, unhealed pain. They give short-term emotional relief, which is why they repeat even when the long-term cost is the relationship.

Negative control is not living up to your own standards so that someone else points it out. It creates distance and a reason to pull away without ever saying no directly.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study began in an obesity clinic where the most successful patients kept dropping out. The weight was doing a job, and the answer was childhood.

Kenny Weiss is a relationship, communication and childhood trauma recovery specialist, ICF certified coach, and author of Your Journey to Success and Your Journey to Being Yourself.

TOPICS COVERED: fear of intimacy, intimacy issues, why do I pull away, avoidant partner, shutting down in relationships, emotional withdrawal, negative control, survival persona, childhood trauma

TIMESTAMPS

0:00 Why you shut down when love gets close

1:02 Where the pattern was learned

2:05 The better-than mask and the wall

3:15 What the avoidant is really avoiding

4:09 Not a character defect, a medication

4:58 Negative control and the distance it creates

6:30 What the research shows

7:06 My own recovery

8:42 The Worst Day Cycle™

10:44 The Authentic Self Cycle™

12:46 The six steps of Emotional Authenticity

16:08 You are not to blame

🤖 Talk to my free AI Coach: https://kennyweiss.net

🕺🏼 Schedule a Session: https://calendly.com/kennyweiss/single-session-350

📣 Client Reviews: https://bit.ly/30zFTBN

📚 My New Book: Your Journey To Being Yourself; https://amzn.to/3U1IGNZ

📚 My First Book: 'Your Journey To Success': https://amzn.to/3nfVphr

🌍 My Website: https://www.kennyweiss.net

🎓Online Masterclasses: https://thegreatnessu.com/courses

FREE childhood Assessment: https://kennyweiss.net/childhood-assessment

FREE Emotional Blueprint Quiz: https://kennyweiss.net/emotional-blueprint-quiz

🕺CONNECT WITH ME:

Heal The Hurt Weekly Podcast 🎙https://spoti.fi/46FSmAj

Instagram 📸 @kennyweiss.kw

Facebook 👥 https://www.facebook.com/kennyweiss.net

Newsletter 💌 https://geni.us/kennyweissnewsletter

#FearOfIntimacy #IntimacyIssues #AvoidantAttachment #ChildhoodTrauma #KennyWeiss