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What happens when loving dogs also comes with guilt, grief, worry, and the constant feeling that you should be doing more?

In this episode of Shy Dog Diaries, I sit down with Jill Gray, a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified thanatologist, and grief counselor—and someone who has been an important part of my own journey.

Jill supported me through the loss of my dogs Dublin and Wicklow, who died just three weeks apart, and then through the very different emotional challenges that came with bringing Nessie into my life soon afterward.

Together, we talk about the complicated emotions that can come with loving and caring for dogs: the guilt of wondering whether we're doing enough, the grief that can begin long before a loss, the responsibility of making decisions for animals who can't tell us exactly what they want, and the struggle to balance their needs with our own.

We also talk about the kinds of grief that aren't always recognized by others, the guilt that can come with learning more and looking back at what we wish we'd done differently, and what it means to live with uncertainty when there simply isn't a perfect answer.

One idea stayed with me throughout this conversation: caring for myself doesn't mean I care less about my dog.

And sometimes, instead of trying to solve everything about tomorrow, I can simply ask: What can I do today?

In this episode, we explore:

• Why caregiver guilt can become so relentless
• The feeling that you should always be doing more for your dog
• Cumulative grief and the emotional weight of pet loss
• Balancing your dog's needs with your own
• Why self-care is part of responsible caregiving
• Grieving the life you imagined having with your dog
• Learning to live with uncertainty
• Knowing when outside emotional support may help

About Jill Gray

Jill Gray is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Thanatologist, and grief counselor in private practice. She specializes in supporting teens and adults navigating cancer, chronic illness, grief, caregiving, and the emotional realities of death and dying. With more than a decade of experience, Jill is known for her warm, direct, and compassionate approach, helping clients process life's most difficult experiences with honesty, resilience, and meaning. She provides virtual therapy to clients in California, Florida, North Carolina, and Arizona.

Connect with Jill

Website: https://westcoastcounseling.co
Email: jill@jillgraylmft.com

Support Resources

• Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement: https://www.aplb.org/
• Lap of Love, including its Quality of Life resources: https://www.lapoflove.com/

Content Note: This episode includes discussion of grief, pet loss, euthanasia, and a brief reference to suicide.

Shy Dog Diaries is for education and entertainment only. It is not a substitute for working with your own trainer, behaviorist, veterinarian, or mental health professional.

Connect with Shy Dog Diaries

Instagram: @shydogdiaries
Email: pod@shydogdiaries.com