Gracefully Assertive (Part 1 of 2): Avoiding the Traps of People Who Liked the Old You

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Gracefully Assertive (Part 1 of 2): Avoiding the Traps of People Who Liked the Old You

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Once upon a time, when I was the only woman working at a nearly all-male equities trading desk, I was told I was too quiet, like it was a problem to be fixed. Some time later, I was told I was too loud, with a "will you please pipe down" tone.

Here's what I noticed: "too much" in other people's estimation can just mean "different from the version they were used to."

In this first part of my open discussion with divorce coach Sade Curry, we dig into the traps that open up when you've evolved and the people around you still hold you to an outdated set of expectations, from the ex who still expects your automatic yes to the employer who bristles when you finally ask for what you want.

We brought dating, work, and co-parenting into one dialogue because the same pull to shrink and accommodate follows you into every room, and the same skill of reading the room with grace lets you stay assertive without losing your spine or your warmth.

If the people who liked the old you are making your growth feel like a problem, this one is for you.

In this episode, we tackle:

Who gets to decide whether a woman is "too much"?
What happens when people liked you better when you were accommodating?
What is individuation, and how does it help you stop managing another adult's thoughts, feelings, and reactions?
Can being direct kill the spark in dating, and what's really happening when you attract the wrong people?
Can asking for what you want backfire at work, and what can you do instead of making one-sided demands?
Is "graceful" just one more thing women have to get right?