It’s National Cheeseburger Day AND First Love Day, so naturally this funny podcast starts with burgers before everybody digs up the childhood crushes that emotionally damaged them forever. Rizz remembers Michelle brutally checking “NO” on his do-you-like-me note, Moon recalls inviting his crush to a roller-skating birthday party and then basically ignoring her, and Rafe takes us on a deeply nostalgic journey through trampoline crushes, teenage romance and the Buick Skylark where things got considerably more serious.

All that romance sets the mood perfectly for Lern’s Pick ’Em punishment: singing a love song to Rizz. Except Lern doesn’t just sing something — she records an entire original power ballad called “Our Sweet Rizz,” complete with saxophone, hairy-arm references, ravioli breath and enough direct eye contact to make everyone uncomfortable. Somehow, it’s legitimately catchy. Epic Records should be calling any minute now.

Then Rafe’s E-Memorium takes this funny podcast completely off the rails with the viral Hyrox bathroom disaster, before introducing everyone to the actual Silence of the Lambs house in Pennsylvania — which you can rent. Yes, Buffalo Bill’s house is an Airbnb-style attraction complete with themed rooms, the basement well, costumes, a Hannibal Lecter mannequin and even Valentine’s Day packages. Nothing says romance like complimentary lotion and wondering whether you’ll ever check out.

Rafe also takes aim at an extremely identifiable getaway vehicle, discovers that Reacher star Alan Ritchson can apparently sing in addition to being tall, shredded and handsome, and revisits the emotional moment he walked into Rick’s Ace Hardware looking for lawn equipment and walked out with a new father figure.

First crushes, love songs, murder houses, hardware dads and enough childhood emotional baggage to fill a Buick Skylark — another perfectly healthy funny podcast from The Rizzuto Show.

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