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"Boundaries" gets used so much that it has almost lost its meaning. Most of what people call a boundary is really a request.

In this episode, I explain the difference. A boundary is something you do. A request is something you ask him to do. "You can't call me after 10:00" is a request. "I don't take calls after 10:00" is a boundary, because you've already decided and you don't need his cooperation to keep it.

Then I walk you through the dating boundaries I think are wise, and why you should never set them out of a sense of lack.

In this episode:

• Why a boundary that needs his cooperation is really a request
• My own 9:00 PM phone boundary, and why I keep it
• Why choosing from a sense of lack works against you
• Protecting your time: you don't have to pick up every time he calls
• Why endless texting drains you, and why you should stay on the app until you meet
• Who plans the first dates, and what it tells you if he never does
• Letting him pay for the first couple of dates, and reciprocating by the third
• Setting your own physical pace
• Why you don't owe anyone a second date
• Why a boundary you're too scared to say out loud is only a wish

Are boundaries hard for you to create? Do you have too many? Do you set them and then nobody follows them?

Here's your exercise: write down your five most important boundaries, not 462. Then pick one, say it out loud this week, and watch what he does with it. What he does next is the most useful information you'll get all week.

How ready are you for love? Take my free two-minute quiz at quiz.dianebrandonmoody.com

I'd love to hear from you. Email me at info@dianebrandonmoody.com

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Is there a man in your head you measure every new guy against?

You've got one. I know you do. Maybe he's the one who got away. Maybe he was terrible, but the chemistry was undeniable. Maybe he passed away. Either way, he's still living in your head rent-free.

In this episode, I talk about the three kinds of exes we compare new men to, and why none of them is a fair fight.

In this episode:

• The one who got away, and the highlight reel you keep replaying
• The one who was a disaster, and why that chemistry can trigger limerence
• The one who passed away, and why you're allowed to love him forever
• Why comparisons start before you even decide to make them
• How to put your past in the right place so someone new has room

The question worth sitting with: would the man in your head have survived as long as the one in person?

"Loving him and wanting someone new is not a competition. They can both be true at the same time."

Are you ready for love? Take my free quiz and find out.

Here's the new quiz, it's fun and funny and will let you know how ready you are for love - quiz.dianebrandonmoody.com. Sign up here for the Simply Irresistible Priority List! It's free and no obligation. https://www.dianebrandonmoody.com

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This is my very favorite thing to want to shake people over when they're dating again. Stop texting and meet them already.

So many women believe that if they text long enough, they'll finally feel comfortable meeting him. But you don't get to know somebody over text. You get to see the pretty picture he's trying to draw for you.

You've been messaging for six weeks and you feel like you know him?

You don't. You just don't.

In this episode, I talk about:

• Why texting feels safe but keeps you stuck
• How you end up "building" a man in your head, filling every gap with what you hope is there
• Why the chemistry may not survive meeting in person (and why the reverse is just as common)
• Why extended messaging is mostly avoidance wearing a better outfit
• My two-week rule, and what it means when you can't get to coffee in that time
• How to spot when "he" might actually be a scammer
• How meeting in person stops the limerence and the fantasizing

If you've never been in a room with him, are you really dating him?

Be brave. Decide to meet within the next two weeks, or let him go. Make it a public place, keep it to an hour, and tell people where you'll be and when you'll be back.

Want to go deeper?
Sign up to be notified about my next live Dating Safely and Scam-Free class: https://dianebrandonmoody.com/safety

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Are you checking your phone 40 times a day? Re-reading his last message, trying to figure out what he really meant? Building a whole future out of three dates?

That's not love. It's limerence.

In this episode, I explain what limerence is, the signs to watch for, and why it can feel so much bigger than it really is.

In this episode:

• What limerence means and why it's so often mistaken for love
• The signs: intrusive thoughts, over-analyzing everything he says, and a mood that depends on whether he's in contact
• Fantasizing about a future with someone you barely know
• The physical symptoms, like your stomach dropping when the phone rings
• Why limerence runs hottest when the other person is inconsistent
• How uncertainty keeps the intensity burning
• Why a steady, available man can feel like the "lesser" choice
• What real love feels like by comparison

The intensity you're feeling is not proof that he's the one. It may only mean he's unpredictable.

Real love is steadier. It's calmer. You're not wondering, you're not analyzing, and you're not having to build a case.

So the next time it feels enormous, ask yourself: Is this intensity about him, or is it not knowing where I stand?

How ready are you to find real, lasting love? Take my free quiz. It takes less than two minutes.

Here's the new quiz, it's fun and funny and will let you know how ready you are for love - quiz.dianebrandonmoody.com. Sign up here for the Simply Irresistible Priority List! It's free and no obligation. https://www.dianebrandonmoody.com

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I Was Roofied in 1982: How to Spot Drink Spiking and Date Safely (Encore)

Content warning: This episode discusses sexual assault, rape, and drug-facilitated assault.

How do you know if your drink was spiked? And how do you stay safe when you date?

I wish I didn't have to replay this one. But women everywhere are feeling a lot of rage right now, and I'm feeling it too.

In 1982, two very nice, very fun guys bought my college roommate and me a birthday drink. A few hours later, I was so sick I couldn't walk a straight line. It took me three days to recover. It took me decades to understand that I had been drugged.

In this encore of Episode 60, I've added a new intro. I talk to the good men who can stop this from happening, and I share practical safety tips for women. Then you'll hear my full story.

In this episode, I cover:

Why consent is impossible when a woman is drugged or drunk, and why good men need to speak up
Why it is never your fault, no matter what
How self-defense training can help you move past the freeze response
Why you should always go out with a friend and make a plan
How to protect your drink, from the moment it's poured until you finish it
Why to call a rape crisis center first if the worst happens
My full roofie story, and the signs I missed for years
Why I still believe in love, and how to date safely without giving up on it

Chapters

00:00 A content warning and why I'm replaying this episode
01:23 The Giselle Pelicot case and the female rage happening right now
02:00 To the good men: talk about consent, and stop it on your watch
04:01 To the women: it is never your fault
04:27 Self-defense and the freeze response
05:42 Skip the fraternity parties
06:05 Always take a friend and make a plan
06:29 Never leave your drink unwatched
07:49 Call a rape crisis center first
09:00 My free Dating Safely and Scam-Free class
10:00 The original episode: I was roofied in 1982
14:33 Realizing years later that I had been drugged
16:35 Why I teach Dating Safely and Scam-Free
19:22 I still believe in love
21:00 My #1 drink safety tip

Join my free class, Dating Safely and Scam-Free

I've updated it with new information on AI scams and personal safety. If enough of you sign up, I'll teach it live again this year.
👉 dianebrandonmoody.com/safety

See me live at Still Open to Love

October 10 and 11 in Houston. I'll be there on the first night.
👉 stillopentolove.com

If you need support

If you have been assaulted, consider calling a rape crisis center before you call the police. In the US, you can reach the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline 24/7 at 800-656-4673 or online.rainn.org.

Originally aired as Episode 60.

Here's the new quiz, it's fun and funny and will let you know how ready you are for love - quiz.dianebrandonmoody.com. Sign up here for the Simply Irresistible Priority List! It's free and no obligation. https://www.dianebrandonmoody.com

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Can You Receive a Compliment?

This episode is all about receiving, because it's in a woman's nature to receive, and I wanted to break it down in the simplest possible terms.

Someone gives you a genuine compliment. What do you do?

What you do next probably tells you more about why you struggle with receiving, whether that's compliments, money, raises, or attention. Most of us deflect. We say "oh, this old thing," or explain away why the compliment isn't even true. It isn't vanity, and it isn't modesty. Most of us were trained young that a woman who takes up space is too much, so we learned to shrink a little to stay likeable. That deflection costs something too. It's a small refusal, and the person offering the compliment feels it, even if they can't name it.

Your practice this week

When someone compliments you, say thank you. Then stop talking. No qualifier, no return compliment, no explanation. Just thank you, and silence. Watch the urge to fill it. That urge is the whole thing you're working with.

Here's the new quiz, it's fun and funny and will let you know how ready you are for love - quiz.dianebrandonmoody.com. Sign up here for the Simply Irresistible Priority List! It's free and no obligation. https://www.dianebrandonmoody.com

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I run this podcast for women over 50 who are still dating, or dating again after a relationship has ended. And today I want to talk about a question that quietly runs under so many of our beliefs, whether we've named it or not.

What if I never find love again?

That fear can be scary for reasons you haven't even put your finger on yet. In this episode, I break it down into three kinds of fear I see most often: financial, physical, and the simple, plain fear of being alone. All three are legitimate. None of them make you weak.

Why does this fear matter if we don't name it?

Because unexamined fear drives your decisions without asking you first. It's why some of us stay months past the point we knew something wasn't working. It's why we settle for "available" instead of "right." It's why we walk into a first date auditioning instead of observing.

I walk you through the exercise I did myself: writing out 25 things I'd do if I never found love again. Not five. Twenty-five. It sounds strange, maybe even a little morbid, but here's what happens when you actually do it. A vague fear feels enormous. A specific plan feels manageable.

This isn't giving up. It's a Plan B.

And making peace with that Plan B is one of the most effective things you can do to get the life you actually want. Because desperation is the single least attractive thing any of us can carry into a room. When the fear drains out, so does the desperation, and that's when you get to go find the one you actually want.

This might be one of the most controversial episodes I've done in three years of podcasting. I'd love to hear what you think.

Here's the new quiz, it's fun and funny and will let you know how ready you are for love - quiz.dianebrandonmoody.com. Sign up here for the Simply Irresistible Priority List! It's free and no obligation. https://www.dianebrandonmoody.com

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I dated for 41 years before I finally got it right. So believe me when I say I've been ghosted more times than I can count, and it took me way too long to figure out that ghosting just is the answer.

Whether it's a rude answer or a fair one doesn't matter. It's still an answer. In this episode I'm reframing ghosting completely, because the story you're telling yourself about why he disappeared is costing you way more than he ever did.

Why do we spend so much energy on "why"?

Because we want closure. We want a period at the end of the sentence. But here's the truth, a lot of men treat ending the conversation as the end, full stop, and waiting around for a definitive answer that's never coming is only hurting you.

What's the new rule?

A yes is a yes. Everything else is a no. A waffle is a no. Dot dot dot on your text is a no. Vague plans are a no. I learned this the hard way after an eight month relationship disappeared the same week my dad died, and it took me years to get over what I thought was a betrayal. It wasn't a betrayal. It was an answer I didn't want to hear.

So what do you do with the silence?

You stop waiting for closure from a man who already gave you his answer. You take it, call it a no, and give yourself your Tuesday back. You walk away like the queen you are, not like a woman with a temper tantrum, because somewhere out there is a man who knows exactly how to close a conversation and open a relationship.

Take my free Love Readiness quiz at quiz.dianebrandonmoody.com and find out what beliefs you might be dragging around without realizing it.

If you've got a girlfriend who's still stuck on why he ghosted her, send her this episode. I'd appreciate it.

Here's the new quiz, it's fun and funny and will let you know how ready you are for love - quiz.dianebrandonmoody.com. Sign up here for the Simply Irresistible Priority List! It's free and no obligation. https://www.dianebrandonmoody.com