After years of longing for marriage and motherhood, Susan Lavender married her husband, James, at 41 and soon discovered she was pregnant. It felt like a beautiful answer to years of prayer and waiting. But over the next few years, Susan and James would experience the loss of four babies, Asher Grace, Christopher James, Anna, and Eden Leigh, along with the death of Susan's father.

In this episode, Susan joins Jennie to talk honestly about repeated miscarriage, compounded grief, and what it means to be a mother when your motherhood isn't always visible to the people around you. She shares about wrestling with God through questions, anger, comparison, and longing, and about the people and places the Lord used to meet her in some of her hardest days, including the Psalms and the Hope Mommies community.

Together, Jennie and Susan talk about the difference between understanding what God is doing and trusting Him in the midst of what we don't understand, the ache of watching other families grow, and the hope of knowing that our identity is ultimately held in Christ.

Susan's story is still being written, and she doesn't offer easy answers for the places that still hurt. Instead, she points us back to the One who sees every unseen mother, holds every child, and remains faithful even when the life we are living looks nothing like the one we once imagined.

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The Hope Mommies Podcast is a ministry of Hope Mommies, a non-profit 501(c)3 organization that exists to bring bereaved families comfort, encouragement, and relational support as they continue to walk this side of eternity without their beloved son or daughter. The music used is Sparrow Song, courtesy of Katie Cobbs and Flourish Creative