Why do we react the way we do in relationships? Why do two people experience the same moment so differently? Why does one person pursue while another withdraws? Why do our fears, assumptions, and protective strategies sometimes take over before we even realize what is happening?

In this episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop is joined by Beth and Jeff McCord, founders of Your Enneagram Coach, a gospel-centered platform helping people understand the Enneagram with clarity, compassion, and real-life application.

Beth and Jeff are the authors of multiple books and resources, including Becoming Us, More Than Your Number, Enneagram for Moms, and a full series of Enneagram journals. Through their work, they help individuals, couples, parents, and leaders understand what is happening beneath the surface so they can grow in self-awareness, compassion, and healthier connection.

In this honest and practical conversation, Beth and Jeff share how the Enneagram first helped them find language for the patterns in their own marriage. Together, they explore how the Enneagram can help us understand not just what we do, but why we do it.

Trevor, Beth, and Jeff discuss core motivations, levels of health, defensive strategies, trauma, attachment, co-regulation, marriage, parenting, and the ongoing work of becoming more whole in Christ.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why the Enneagram is more than a personality test
• How core motivations shape thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
• How to use the Enneagram as a tool for growth instead of a label, excuse, sword, or shield
• Why self-awareness should lead to compassion and responsibility
• How trauma and the nervous system shape relational reactions
• How Beth’s deeper trauma work changed the way she understood herself and her marriage
• How Internal Family Systems and the Enneagram come together in More Than Your Number
• Why one person’s healing work can impact the whole relationship
• The power of co-regulation in marriage, parenting, and close relationships

A key takeaway from this conversation is that self-awareness is not meant to become self-protection. It is meant to help us see more clearly, love more wisely, and relate more honestly.

Used well, the Enneagram becomes a tool for compassion, growth, and transformation. Learn more about Beth and Jeff McCord and their resources at yourenneagramcoach.com.

Free resources mentioned in this episode:

Enneagram Origins:
yourenneagramcoach.com/origins

Core Motivations PDF:
yourenneagramcoach.com/core-motivations

Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, The Deeper by Design Podcast, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com.

The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify. New episodes release every Tuesday.