What happens when the person you love is struggling with addiction, and somewhere along the way, you begin losing yourself trying to save them?

In Episode 27 of Recovery Unfiltered with Nick and Will, we welcome Ryan Allen Carrillo, a professional athlete, television personality, LGBTQ+ advocate, and author, for an unfiltered conversation about love, addiction, codependency, trauma, and finding the courage to choose yourself.

Ryan has lived an extraordinary life. From performing alongside Madonna, Beyoncé, and P!nk to competing as a professional roller skater and appearing on national television, his career has taken him around the world. But behind the accomplishments and success was a personal battle that no amount of fame, determination, or professional achievement could prepare him for.

After building a life, family, and successful business with his partner of 14 years, Ryan discovered that crystal methamphetamine addiction had become a devastating presence in their relationship. What followed was years of emotional turmoil, manipulation, broken trust, attempts to intervene, and the painful realization that loving someone cannot make them choose recovery.

Ryan opens up about the devastating impact addiction can have on partners and families, including the trauma of watching someone you love become increasingly unrecognizable. He shares how a five-day incarceration became an unexpected turning point, why Al-Anon helped him begin reclaiming his life, and what he means when he describes himself as having become "addicted to hope."

Nick and Will bring their own lived experiences with substance use disorder into the conversation, exploring codependency, accountability, enabling, boundaries, and the grief of mourning someone who is still alive.

Ryan also introduces his forthcoming book, I Loved You Sober: Loving an Addict, Losing Myself and Finding My Way Back, which chronicles his relationship, the impact of addiction, and his ongoing journey toward healing.

Through honest reflection, unexpected humor, and moments of profound vulnerability, this episode addresses an often-overlooked part of addiction: the people who love someone struggling with it.

"Saving him is killing me." — Ryan Allen Carrillo

For anyone who has ever loved someone with addiction, questioned their own reality, struggled to establish boundaries, or wondered when it was finally time to take care of themselves, this conversation is for you.

Connect with Ryan Allen Carrillo:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ryanacarrillo

IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1304402/?_ssoLoop=1

Substack: https://ryanacarrillo.substack.com/

Listen to Recovery Unfiltered with Nick and Will

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Listener Discretion Advised: This episode contains discussions of substance use disorder, emotional abuse, domestic conflict, trauma, and incarceration.

Recovery Unfiltered with Nick and Will is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. The perspectives shared are personal experiences and should not be considered clinical or medical advice.

Recovery is possible. Healing is possible. And nobody has to face it alone.