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A religion can look peaceful from the outside while quietly training you to disappear on the inside. My friend Darlene Hegyi joins me to tell the story of growing up in the Two by Two church, a secretive high control religion where meetings happen in homes, rules are enforced through shame, and “faith” can become indistinguishable from loyalty to the system.

We talk about what spiritual abuse does to identity and the nervous system: kids conditioned to sit silent, emotions treated as disobedience, and a constant fear of being seen as “off” or “confused.”

Darlene describes the pressure to perform, the way enmeshment pulls extended family and church leadership into personal decisions, and the moment a simple question exposed a painful truth: she could describe how the church works, but not what she actually believed.

COVID became an unexpected opening for deconstruction and clarity, but it also revealed how quickly gossip and social punishment can push someone out.

Darlene also speaks candidly about the church’s expectations for women to be quiet, submissive, and muted in voice, gifts, and ambition, and what it takes to reclaim agency through therapy & boundaries, and learning to trust your own inner voice again.

If you’re navigating religious trauma, leaving a controlling church, or rebuilding after spiritual manipulation, her story offers language, validation, and hard fought for hope.

If this conversation helps you, share it with someone who needs it!

"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."