With the sort of hubris that only two guys with microphones can muster, we spend an episode putting San Francisco on trial against many cities, foreign and domestic. Pretty presumptuous, we know.

But first, a first: an actual guest. Monte, dot-com era veteran, joins Wayne from his porch in Breezy Point, Queens, to relitigate the strange, beer-soaked boomtown SF once was. Rugby, free dot-com beer, burritos as a food group, the tyranny of hills on a bicycle, the slow surrender to SF's chill, the correct way to pronounce our street names, and a gentle but firm note to Raiders fans that it's time to move on. Monte also confesses he never quite made peace with the moody climate. Honestly, same.

Back in the virtual studio, we widen the lens to answer the question nobody asked: what even is LA? Tokyo has Japanese food, London's got a lot of old Roman stuff lying around, and Wayne loves his Hong Kong. Eventually we decide international comparisons are a fool's errand and stay domestic. Seattle earns hill-respect. Detroit is flat in a way that feels wrong, but redeems itself with genuinely great pizza. Chicago is crowned Most American City, while Philadelphia is like a sadder Boston. New York is wonderful, of course.

Also covered: Is Evening Magazine some how punk?, the shockingly low bar for 1980s hotel safety, and — stated with the full force of conviction — the Jets suck.