What kind of young man are you raising?

A disturbing story involving current and former Cornell students got me thinking about a question every parent of a middle school boy should consider:

Would your son have the courage to speak up if his friends were doing something he knew was wrong?

As parents, we spend a lot of time teaching boys what not to do. Don't bully. Don't mistreat girls. Don't do drugs. Don't get into trouble.

But raising good young men requires another conversation.

What happens when your son isn't the one doing something wrong—but he's standing there watching it happen?

In this episode of Parenting the Middle School Years, Joe Martin talks about raising boys with courage, character, confidence, and the willingness to stand up for others. Even when speaking up could cost them popularity or friendships.

You'll learn how to talk with your middle school son about peer pressure, bullying, group chats, disrespect toward girls, being a bystander, getting an adult involved, and knowing the difference between courage and unnecessarily putting himself in danger.

Because these lessons don't suddenly begin when our boys leave for college.

They're being practiced right now: in middle school hallways, locker rooms, sports teams, friend groups, and group chats.

One of the most important questions we can ask isn't simply:

“Would my son ever do something like that?”

It's:

“What would my son do if his FRIEND did something like that?”

If you're raising a middle school boy and want to help him become a good man who knows when to speak up, when to get help, and how to do the right thing when everyone around him is doing the wrong thing, this episode is for you.

They're not who they're going to be.