In this special episode of Still Here: Blessed and Bruised, Lynda and Jon welcome Andrea Warnick for a captivating and deeply meaningful conversation about grief, children, honesty, and the importance of keeping our relationships with those who have died alive through stories and memories.

Andrea explains that while people are usually well-intentioned when responding to grief, they are often misguided. Despite growing research, awareness, and resources, she believes we are still living in a “death-phobic, grief-illiterate society.”

One of Andrea’s most powerful messages is that children need honesty. Their understanding often exceeds their ability to put what they are thinking and feeling into words. When adults avoid conversations about death or leave out information in an effort to protect them, children fill in the blanks themselves, and what they imagine may be far more frightening or inaccurate than the truth.

Andrea talks about the importance of giving children clear language around death and grief, including the simple explanation that when someone dies, their body and head has stopped working and will never work again, and that the death was not their fault. And for families who didn’t have these conversations when a child was young, Andrea offers an important reminder: it is never too late to begin.

The conversation becomes especially personal when Andrea talks with Jon about losing his mother when he was only three years old. Part of Jon’s grief is not only that his mother died, but that he has no stories about or memories of her.

Andrea challenges the idea that grief is something we eventually “get over.” Instead, grief continues to be part of our lives, sometimes resurfacing through triggers or “grief bursts.” Joy and sorrow can coexist, and Andrea suggests that rather than thinking of ourselves as balancing joy and sorrow, juggling them is a much more accurate way to describe how we move through life with both.

She also emphasizes the power of telling stories about the people who have died. Death ends a life, but it does not have to end a relationship. We can continue that connection through memories, stories, conversations, and the ways that person remains part of who we are.

Perhaps one of the most profound messages from the conversation is Andrea’s reminder:

When we do the grief work, we make more space for the joy.

And another beautiful expression captures why remembering and speaking about those who have died matters so much:

“Mention my child’s name and I’ll cry. Don’t mention my child’s name and you’ll break my heart.”

An honest, hopeful, and incredibly informative conversation about making room for both grief and joy and giving ourselves and our children the language to talk about both.