What if the best gift you gave your kids wasn't a memory, but your own voice? Blake Fly, dad to Koa and Summer (with a third on the way), joins Tony Cooper to talk about Dads Making History, the group he started where fathers record monthly audio and video messages for their kids to hear someday. Blake shares how the practice began during the pandemic, why "donut dates" became a normalizing ritual for the group, how a lost hard drive taught him about the fragility of memory, and how becoming a dad expanded his emotional range in ways he never expected. Tony and Blake dig into presence, legacy, and what it means to really show up for your kids.

• The "Forever Folder" is a monthly audio or video message dads record for their kids, meant to be a presencing practice for the dad as much as a gift for the child.
• Less is more: a good message is often just two to three minutes, a small, specific moment rather than a sweeping life lesson.
• Small rituals normalize across a community fast. One dad's "donut date" habit inspired another dad to start his own recurring one-on-one time with his daughter.
• One-on-one time with a kid (a donut date, coaching a sport, a standing weekly outing) gives a spouse real relief and builds a distinct bond.
• Becoming a parent can expand emotional range far beyond what a "sunshine only" upbringing prepared someone for, including grief, like a miscarriage before a first child.
• Presence is the real antidote to time passing unnoticed. Capturing a moment, even a mundane one like potty training, makes it retrievable later.
• What we intentionally leave behind (and take forward) from our own parents shapes how we father, whether that's constant positivity, a short temper, or building things with your hands.
• A voice message might never be listened to, and that's okay. The value is in the ritual of recording it, not guaranteed impact on the recipient.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper

00:00 Cold open
00:29 Meet Blake Fly
01:23 Blake's speaking and coaching work
03:00 Becoming a dad in 2020
04:00 What is the Forever Folder
05:00 Choosing what to record each month
07:54 Dads Making History group
08:05 The donut date ripple effect
10:19 One-on-one time and giving mom a break
12:00 Being the youngest of three
14:04 Foresight that everything is temporary
16:04 A voicemail from aging parents
17:13 Documenting firsts, lasts, and the messy middle
18:23 Counting laps, counting years
21:09 Losing four years of photos and video
23:11 Is this really for the kids or for you
25:00 The realization that changed his approach
27:14 How coaching shapes his fathering
29:17 A grade 8 yearbook prediction
30:52 His mom's signs and rituals
34:01 What he's leaving behind from his parents
37:12 Becoming a dad kicked his ass
38:00 The miscarriage before Koa
40:09 Expanding emotional range
42:22 Preparing for baby number three
44:01 Closing thoughts