Going Home Without Your Child | The Grief Guardian Podcast – Episode 73

There is a moment after losing a child that can be almost impossible to describe.

You have to leave the hospital.

You have to walk through your front door.

And your child isn't coming home with you.

In this deeply personal episode of The Grief Guardian Podcast, Grant Cosgrove shares what it was like to leave the hospital after losing his daughter, Mia, and return to a home that had been prepared for a family of three.

But that wasn't the only trauma happening.

After Mia was born stillborn, Grant's partner Saroeun was rushed into emergency care after doctors discovered she had no blood pressure. While she was fighting for her life in ICU, Grant was trying to process the loss of his daughter.

Then came another unexpected trauma. Police investigating Mia's death forced entry into Grant and Saroeun's home, leaving the front door damaged for around three months. Every time Grant came home, he was confronted by a physical reminder of that terrible day.

Yet alongside the trauma came something Grant desperately needed: human connection.

Friends and family helped keep him grounded when reality didn't feel real anymore. At the same time, Grant discovered that he also needed solitude. Sitting at his computer and writing down exactly what had happened became one of the ways he began processing what he had been through.

He wasn't following a grief program.

He didn't know what he was supposed to do.

He was just winging it.

And sometimes, that's enough.

In this episode, Grant talks about:

• The shock and numbness of leaving the hospital without his daughter
• Walking into an empty home while Saroeun was still critically ill
• The impact of having his home broken into during an already traumatic time
• Why human connection can be so important in the early days of grief
• Why solitude can be just as important
• How writing his story helped him process the trauma
• Why you don't need to know how you're going to get through tomorrow
• The moment Grant realised he was beginning to find his feet
• Why healing doesn't mean loving your child less
• How the pain can shift while the love remains
• What Mia ultimately gave Grant: a complete understanding of love

If you're grieving

If you've just gone home without your child, you don't need to figure out your whole future today.

Tomorrow is too far away.

Focus on the moment you're in.

What do you need to do right now?

Then take the next step.

And the next.

You don't have to know how you're going to get through tomorrow.

You just need to get through this moment.

About The Grief Guardian

The Grief Guardian exists to help people navigate life after losing someone they love, particularly parents and fathers who can sometimes feel forgotten in the conversation around grief.

Grant's daughter Mia is at the heart of this work.

Mia never had the chance to take a breath in the physical world, yet her life continues to affect people Grant has never met.

The hope is that her story can help someone else find their feet.

You are not alone.

If this episode speaks to you, please consider subscribing to The Grief Guardian and sharing it with someone who might need to hear it.

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📱 Instagram: @grant_a_cosgrove

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