Ted Gibson was a certified sommelier, a certified spirit specialist, and was on the verge of becoming a professional spirit taster. He spent 20-plus years in hospitality, drinking enthusiastically, surrounded by people doing the same thing, and never once thought he had a problem. Why would he? Nobody around him was standing out as different, nobody was flagging a concern, and he was good at his job. He was the wine guy in every room he walked into.

He decided to stop - possibly while still drinking, which he laughs about - the night he found out his wife was pregnant with their first child. She'd already been alcohol-free for two years. He knew she wasn't going to give him a free pass when he was hungover and the baby needed changing at 3am. So he committed to a year off, white-knuckled it with no reflective work, no self-inquiry, no coaching - just stubbornness - and by the time the year was up, his life simply didn't involve alcohol anymore.

He'll be six years alcohol-free in October. He's still untangling who he is without it.

This week, Ted joins Rich and Andy from his restaurant in South Carolina, sitting at the bar - alcohol-free - to talk about what it actually means to have a problem with alcohol. Not a DUI, not a relationship falling apart, not some public rock bottom moment. If you're not showing up as the dad you want to be. If you don't have the patience for your kids. If you're not recovering well enough to train, or present enough to connect. That, Ted argues, is a problem. And most of us are waiting for something far worse before we're willing to call it one.

They get into the identity crash of going alcohol-free and becoming a first-time dad simultaneously - two massive blows to who you thought you were, hitting at exactly the same time. The bar moment where a man three drinks in before noon asked Ted if he'd ever had a problem with alcohol, and what that question revealed. Why we scrutinise our diet, our sleep, our training - but always give alcohol a pass. And the coaching exercise Ted now uses with clients that cuts through everything: go stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself, with a straight face, that alcohol makes you a better dad.

There's also the story of his first marathon - concert the night before, beers in hand, headphones in, fell at mile 26.1 with the finish line in sight, calves turned to solid rock. He couldn't get up. The finish line was right there. His response? He took the headphones out. Running became meditative. He did his first 50K last year.

Find Ted on Instagram @TedGibsonCoaching.