『EP240 Living for Your Own Approval Instead of Others』のカバーアート

EP240 Living for Your Own Approval Instead of Others

EP240 Living for Your Own Approval Instead of Others

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Send us Fan MailYou know the feeling of finally setting a boundary and immediately regretting how good it feels, mixed with the guilt of knowing someone you love is annoyed with you over it. Or maybe you've never let yourself get there, because disappointing people you love has always felt like the one thing you're not allowed to do.This week Sami brings a book to the table she hasn't been able to stop talking about since she read it, The Courage to Be Disliked, and it cracks open the difference between two schools of psychological thought that quietly shape how most of us explain our own lives. Freud's theory says you are who you are because of what happened to you. Adler's theory says you are who you are because of what you're moving toward, the goals underneath your behavior right now. It sounds academic until you feel how much weight it takes off, or how much responsibility it hands back to you, depending on the day. In this episode, we dig into:Permission to let your past explain you without letting it define what happens nextA new way to think about why a hard childhood trained you instead of ruining youClarity on the difference between the goal you think you're chasing and the one you're actually chasingLanguage for setting a boundary that will disappoint people who are used to you always saying yesA simple daily question that shifts you from chasing everyone's approval to chasing your ownAngela traces her own theory in real time, from living in four different family situations and attending eight schools by second grade, to deciding that becoming excellent at making friends, reading people, and living an unmistakably good life was the best answer she had for anyone who'd ever hurt her. She and Sami test Adler's harder claim, that every problem is fundamentally an interpersonal problem, against something as personal as feeling inferior and something as heavy as hunger. Angela also shares a conversation with a friend who grew up the way she did, about giving your own kids a safety net neither of you ever had, and why that deserves to feel good instead of guilty. And Sami gets honest about the moment she realized Be Freaking Awesome had technically already met her stated goal of bringing in income, without that goal actually being the real one, and how naming the true goal underneath it changed her motivation overnight. She also shares the very current example of finally telling her extended family she's done being the one who plans every trip, and choosing peace over everyone's approval.If you've spent years explaining yourself by what happened to you, this conversation offers a gentler and more useful question: what are you actually trying to become? And if disappointing someone you love has felt like proof you did something wrong, this episode makes the case that it might just be proof you finally started living for your own approval instead of everyone else's.Press play on this one, especially if you're in the middle of deciding whether to keep doing something out of habit, or to finally name what you actually want instead.Related EpisodesEP236 — When the People Who Loved the Old You Don't Like the New You: Angela references this one directly in the episode. Same throughline, continued: growing into a new version of yourself will cost you some relationships, and that's survivable.EP211 — Disappointing Met Expectations: The other side of Sami's realization this week. What happens when you technically hit your stated goal and it still feels hollow, because it was never actually the real goal.EP148 — Setting Personal Boundaries: The fuller toolkit behind Sami's decision to stop being the default planner for her family's trip.Mentioned in this episode:The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga — https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Courage-to-Be-Disliked/Ichiro-Kishimi/9781668065969Bessel van der Kolk, quoted on trauma in this episode, author of The Body Keeps the Score — https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-scoreByron Katie, The Work and Loving What Is — https://thework.com/loving-what-is-revised-edition/Angela's book, The Invisible Edge, referenced as a comparable leadership fable — https://bfreakingawesome.com/the-invisible-edge-preorder/You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coachingSupport the showSign up at bfreakingawesome.com to get the latest news, insights, and episodes straight to your inbox.Follow Be Freaking Awesome on Facebook, LinkedIn, Youtube, and Instagram.Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at podcast@bfreakingawesome.com.
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