『EP239 What If Belonging Is a Decision and Not a Feeling』のカバーアート

EP239 What If Belonging Is a Decision and Not a Feeling

EP239 What If Belonging Is a Decision and Not a Feeling

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Send us Fan MailYou're tired of being the one who plans the get-together, sends the first text, remembers the birthday. Some weeks you wonder if anyone would even notice if you just stopped.Sami and Angela almost didn't record this episode. They'd both been independently reading books this week, one on persuasion, one on ritual, and when they sat down to debrief with each other before the show, they realized both books had landed in the exact same place. So this week is a little different: a real-time debrief on what they're each thinking about right now, and how it all keeps circling back to one word. In this episode, we dig into:Permission to stop keeping score of who reached out lastA new way to think about why shaming someone for their opinion rarely changes itLanguage for setting a boundary with a friend who wants more than you have to giveWhy unresolved abandonment can make “everyone eventually leaves” feel like proof instead of fearA simple decision that changes whether you walk into a room like a guest or a hostAngela shares the speech she gave as she stepped into the presidency of the League of Women Voters of Arkansas, built around joy as an act of rebellion, radical nonpartisanship, and belonging, and traces it back to a moment with Bob Goff around a fire pit, and to her own TED Talk on community as the solution to homelessness. Sami digs into the book How Minds Change and a conversation with a friend who believes people with the wrong opinions should be shamed until they come around, and shares research on why that approach almost never works, including the story of a 9/11 “truther” who only left the group once he found belonging somewhere else. Angela's own book, A Time to Gather, has her thinking about ritual and celebration as the original technology of community, and Kendra Adachi's opening and closing ceremonies for each season come up as a simple way to build more of that into ordinary life. And Sami tells the harder story underneath all of it: a friend who accused her of being a bad friend for not reaching out, during a season when Sami had two small kids, a miscarriage, a high-risk pregnancy, and COVID pneumonia, and had nothing left to give.If you've ever been the one who's tired of initiating, or the one who got blamed for a friendship going quiet during the hardest season of your life, this conversation gives you permission to set that boundary without deciding you're a bad friend. And if belonging still feels like something other people hand out, Angela's host energy exercise is a simple, repeatable way to just decide it for yourself instead.Press play on this one. Whether you're the initiator who's running low, or the one waiting to feel like you belong before you show up fully, there's something here for you.Related EpisodesEP208 — Guest Energy vs. Host Energy: The concept Angela revisits and deepens in this episode, now applied to walking into a room of strangers as the new League of Women Voters president instead of a networking event.EP104 — Abandonment and the “I Belong” Belief: The direct backstory for Angela's line that unresolved abandonment wounds make it harder to trust people and easier to believe you don't belong.EP63 — Why Friendship Matters for Longevity: The “five people you spend the most time with” episode Sami references directly in this one. Start here for the fuller take on proximity and friendship tiers.Mentioned in this episode:How Minds Change: The Surprising Science of Belief, Opinion, and Persuasion by David McRaney — https://www.davidmcraney.com/howmindschangehomeA Time to Gather: How Ritual Created the World, and How It Can Save Us by Bruce Feiler — https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/738772/a-time-to-gather-by-bruce-feiler/The Small and the Mighty by Sharon McMahon — https://sharonmcmahon.com/bookThe Lazy Genius Way by Kendra Adachi — https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/608850/the-lazy-genius-way-by-kendra-adachi/Angela's TED Talk, CommUNITY Is the Solution to Homelessness — https://www.ted.com/talks/angela_belford_community_is_the_solution_to_homelessnessAngela's book, The Invisible Edge — https://bfreakingawesome.com/the-invisible-edge-preorder/You've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/podcast-coachingSupport the showSign up at bfreakingawesome.com to get the latest news, insights, and episodes straight to your inbox.Follow Be Freaking Awesome on Facebook, LinkedIn, Youtube, and Instagram.Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at podcast@bfreakingawesome.com.
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