Episode 88: My Oxford Year

Welcome back to Oxford (yes, again) where Netflix serves up another ambitious American woman whose carefully planned life gets derailed by British architecture and a charming TA. Sofia Carson plays Anna, a Cornell grad with a Goldman Sachs job she deferred - did we mention Goldman Sachs? Because the movie certainly does, repeatedly - to study Victorian poetry for a year. Her greatest challenge upon arrival? A single flight of stairs. Truly inspirational.

Peak Dumpster Moments:

• Anna's voiceover declaring "everything was going according to plan until it wasn't" as she faces... one flight of stairs with a suitcase
• The ChatGPT-perfect Oxford bucket list written in impeccable handwriting in the middle of her Moleskine notebook - fish and chips listed right alongside the Bodleian Library
• Anna not understanding the chip shop guy asking "haddock or cod?" - a joke that would work better if England spoke a different language
• Netflix's cliché checkbox: the snarky gay neighbor whose first line is insulting her shoes
• The pub that's completely normal until the camera pans to reveal it's actually a drag karaoke bar - "like going to Fridays for bottomless margaritas and finding out it's drag night"
• Jamie refusing to take his shirt off on camera for four months of relationship montage, then finally having a Patrick Duffy-style love scene right before he dies
• The 750th anniversary gala at Oxford looking exactly like a high school prom

The Oxford Cinematic Universe: This episode marks the hosts' third trip to Oxford, following Surprised by Oxford (featuring Rose Reid). They note both films have suspiciously identical shots of campus and wonder how anyone actually attends classes there with all the film crews. Also discovered: Oxford Blues (1984) starring young Rob Lowe - a gender-swapped version where an American guy pursues a woman to Oxford. It's going on the list.

The Hatfield House Deep Dive: Jamie's childhood home is actually Hatfield House, a Grade 1 listed Jacobean estate built in 1611 where Queen Elizabeth I learned she would become queen. The current owner is worth £345 million. There's a controversial £50 annual charge just to walk the grounds.

The Verdict: It's Surprised by Oxford meets The Map That Leads to You - another film where a hot guy with a terminal illness white-fangs the protagonist. The cancer subplot comes out of nowhere, the illness is barely shown convincingly (he's dancing and drinking at galas!), and the ending montage of Anna completing Jamie's dream European tour alone is genuinely devastating - even if Scott was mostly ready for the credits to roll. The library fetish jokes write themselves, and we're apparently not done with Oxford yet.

Coming Up Next: Christmas on the Alpaca Farm - finally available in our region! A woman quits her New York fashion job to make sustainable luxury knits with a single dad alpaca farmer. He's very serious about not using blends. 5.8 on IMDb. 90 minutes of pure Lifetime holiday magic.

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Episode 87: Home for the Holidays

Welcome to Home for the Holidays, where Jodie Foster directs a 1995 Thanksgiving drama that raises conflicts and resolves... well, almost none of them. Holly Hunter mumbles her way through a holiday weekend with Robert Downey Jr. (in his heroin phase), Dylan McDermott, and Anne Bancroft (Mrs. Robinson herself). This is cinema that asks "what if nothing really happened?" and got a surprisingly stacked cast to go along with it.

What You're Getting Into: Claudia (Holly Hunter) gets fired from her museum restoration job, immediately makes out with her elderly boss, then flies home for Thanksgiving. Her daughter Kit (Claire Danes) announces she's about to lose her virginity, her free-spirited brother Tommy (RDJ) shows up with his "friend" Leo Fish (Dylan McDermott), her uptight sister Joanne resents being the responsible one, and her parents engage in quiet desperation disguised as marriage. Nothing gets resolved, everyone goes home. Roll credits.

Peak Dumpster Moments:

• Opening with seductive egg yolk handling during art restoration that looks way more sexual than it should
• Claudia's mystery cold that serves absolutely no narrative purpose and is never explained
• Tommy taking Polaroids of his adult sister in her underwear - twice - which is just weird on every level
• The turkey flying off the platter onto Joanne's lap, followed by Leo and Claudia intentionally spilling all the juices on her dress
• Aunt Gladys's unhinged monologue about kissing the dad back in 1952, leaving everyone at the table mortified
• The "food and making out" scene where Leo and Claudia get intimate with turkey sandwiches and cranberries in the dark - which awakens something in Liz about incorporating food into playtime
• Tommy casually outing himself as having been married to Jack for three months, which no one knew about

The Baltimore Deep Dive: Scott provides extensive commentary on the Baltimore filming locations throughout, including the Baltimore Museum of Art, BWI Airport (with its red pillars), Memorial Stadium in the background of the parade scene, Moravia Road, Most Holy Redeemer Cemetery, and even finding the actual house on Google Maps.

The One Good Scene: The dad watching old home videos in the basement and telling Claudia about taking her to watch planes take off when she was little. He talks about looking at old footage and not recognizing himself, saying "that wasn't me at all, that was some other guy." This moment resonates deeply and leads to a philosophical discussion about aging, nostalgia, and feeling disconnected from your past self. It's the only emotionally genuine moment in the entire film.

The Thanksgiving Food Debate: Extensive discussion of optimal Thanksgiving dishes including the great stuffing divide (in-the-bird soggy vs. prepared separately), whether you need turkey for it to truly be Thanksgiving, scalloped vs. au gratin potatoes, Scott's sobriety streak facing its biggest test, Popeyes' $99 pre-cooked Cajun turkey, sous vide turkey taking 8-12 hours (or days for short ribs), and the optimal plate-loading strategy. First things on the plate: Scott goes for turkey, Liz goes for in-the-bird stuffing with gravy.

The Verdict: Is this a profound meditation on family dysfunction or just a movie that chickened out of having anything meaningful to say? The film wants credit for being "realistic" about messy families but really it's just conflict-averse. The dad's scenes save it from being completely aimless, but otherwise it's a vignette pretending to be a movie. As Scott puts it: unresolved conflict is the entire point, which feels less like an artistic choice and more like the film just gave up.

Coming Up Next: Back to Oxford (for the third time!) with My Oxford Year starring Sofia Carson. Another ambitious American woman finding love at a prestigious British university because Netflix apparently has a template for these.

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Episode 86: The Wrong Paris

Welcome to The Wrong Paris, where Miranda Cosgrove trades her metal welding torch for a reality dating show catastrophe, and Frances Fisher (Rose's disapproving mother from Titanic) finally gets the role she was born to play: Netflix rom-com grandmother. This is cinema, people.

What You're Getting Into: Dawn (Miranda Cosgrove) is a hip country artist saving money in a literal jar to attend art school in Paris, France. When she gets accepted but can't afford tuition, her reality-TV-obsessed sister convinces her to audition for "The Honeypot" - a dating show where contestants can choose between the bachelor or cold hard cash. Plot twist: the show flies them to Paris... Texas. Yes, they spend $120,000-180,000 on private jet fuel just to circle in the air for nine hours and land 45 minutes from Dawn's house. The math isn't mathing, but at least the production budget went somewhere.

Peak Dumpster Moments:

• Dawn keeps her Paris fund in a glass jar in a barn instead of investing it like a sensible hedge fund broker, missing out on years of compound interest
• The "Honeypot" show's fundamental flaw: contestants can choose the money AND still date the bachelor after filming, making the entire premise economically nonsensical
• Miranda Cosgrove's character is a metal artist without the massive blacksmith arms typically required for the job
• Trey McCallum III has an eight-pack - which we determined is two abs too many (six is fine, people)
• The mechanical bull challenge where Lexie requests "low and slow" mode and basically gives a lap dance while everyone else got violently thrown off
• A mud-pit catfight between Dawn and Lexie during cowboy boot camp that's exactly as ridiculous as it sounds
• Cowboy Magic horse shampoo product placement that we actually applaud for authenticity
• The shirtless horse-washing scene shot exactly like a bikini car wash, complete with slow-mo and wind machines

The Cast Reunion: This movie features half the cast of To All the Boys I've Loved Before, including Emilia Baranac (Jen) and other familiar Netflix faces, because apparently Netflix has a Rolodex of actors on speed dial for these productions.

Reality Show Economics: The Honeypot's premise makes zero sense. Why would anyone choose the bachelor when you could take the money AND date him after production wraps? It's double-dipping on winnings, and we spent significant time calculating the flawed game theory. Also, they're apparently offering $20,000 just for appearing, plus challenge winnings up to $10,000. For a dating show filmed in Texas.

Technical Complaints: Scott goes on an extended rant about Netflix's chromatic aberration lens choices, the weird smearing effect in their cinematography, and how they intentionally make things look less crisp to avoid the uncanny valley of high-resolution filming. Also, the band at the bar is hilariously out of sync with the music.

The Verdict: Solidly mid. A respectable 6.1 on IMDb and a 2.5-3 dumpsters from us. It's not the worst thing we've ever seen, but it's so beige and formulaic that it blends into every other Netflix rom-com. Miranda Cosgrove is more enjoyable here than in Mother of the Bride (where she played an Instagram-obsessed bridezilla), mainly because she has a bigger role and isn't just being entitled. The movie is "meh" personified - nothing particularly standout, nothing particularly offensive. Just... beige.

Coming Up Next: We're headed to Oxford (again) with My Oxford Year, starring Sofia Carson. It's another movie about an ambitious young American woman who goes to Oxford University and meets a charming local who changes her life. Yes, this is the third Oxford movie we've encountered. No, we don't know why everyone keeps making these. The cast includes Catherine McCormick from Braveheart as the token older actor, and a bunch of randos. Netflix rom-com formula remains intact.

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