Episode 92: Danielle Steel's Star (1993)

We're back in the Danielle Steel cinematic universe with "Star" - one word, one syllable, maximum trauma. Peak 90210 Jenny Garth plays Crystal Wyatt, a 16-year-old aspiring singer who catches the eye of Spencer Hill, a Vietnam vet who's also finished law school. Cue the jailbait math: if he went to Nam at 18, served, then completed undergrad AND law school... we're looking at a minimum seven-year age gap. But sure, let's give her a heart-shaped necklace from Zales and tell her not to marry someone who doesn't deserve her.

The first 20 minutes are an escalating trauma speedrun: Dad dies of pneumonia, brother-in-law rapes her in the barn, mom doesn't believe her, Crystal grabs a shotgun, and her brother Jared catches a stray bullet trying to intervene. Tom's response? "Call the sheriff, honey." On himself. Then Crystal hops a bus to San Francisco like nothing happened.

What follows is 15 years of star-crossed near-misses, time jumps that would give Christopher Nolan whiplash, and a love triangle featuring Terry Farrell (filming Deep Space Nine simultaneously) as Elizabeth - the power-hungry Wall Street fiancée whose father tells her not to make Spencer "feel any worse" after he cheats. Spencer disappears to China for earthquake relief... for TWO YEARS. Crystal gets a sleazy manager named Ernie who ends up murdered (she definitely did it). And somehow, through it all, Jenny Garth doesn't age a single day while Spencer gets... reading glasses.

Peak Dumpster Moments:

• "Who the F is Trang?" - a character mentioned once, never explained, universally despised by Crystal's mother
• "Get your fingers out of the ham!" - the wedding reception line that launched a thousand questions about leftover logistics
• The violins vs. thunderbolts breakup speech that contradicts itself mid-sentence
• Director Michael Miller's signature move: the slow-motion post-coital fall-back-onto-the-bed shot (he directed Daddy too - the man has a brand)
• Elizabeth's father essentially saying "he cheated in a different zip code, it doesn't count"
• Spencer reading Crystal's Dear John letter while comforting a random Asian child in China
• Crystal's son is named Zeb. Short for Zebulon. We will not be taking questions.
• "You didn't tell me about the boy." "You didn't ask." - Crystal, mother of the year
• The Variety review noting that every scene except the sex scenes lasts "about as long as a commercial"

Behind-the-Scenes Gems: Jenny Garth didn't do her own singing - that's Megon McDonough, a folk singer who opened for John Denver at Carnegie Hall at age 17 and was a founding member of "Four Bitchin' Babes" (real group name). Craig Bierko, who plays Spencer, famously turned down the role of Chandler Bing on Friends despite Matthew Perry telling him to take it. Career choices!

The Verdict: More bananas than Daddy, with time jumps that make zero sense and a body count that includes a brother, a rapist, and a sleazy manager. IMDb gave it a 5.6, which feels generous. At least Daddy had Ben Affleck.

Coming Up Next: We're diving back into the After series with the fourth installment, After Ever Happy. The blurb promises "a shocking truth about a couple's family" and Tessa withdrawing from "absolutely everything, even her soulmate." So, you know, light viewing.

IMDB

Rotten Tomatoes