『Do you have a mother wound?』のカバーアート

Do you have a mother wound?

Do you have a mother wound?

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Do you have a mother wound? The answer will surprise you. Most of us, are not even aware, that we have slipped from being the child, to being our parents parent. Welcome to the Mother Wound.When we hear the words mother wound, we often imagine a mother who was absent, cold, neglectful or unloving. But sometimes the mother wound looks completely different.Sometimes you love your mother deeply. Sometimes you saw how much she suffered. You saw how difficult her marriage was. You saw how much responsibility she carried. Maybe you saw her sacrifice herself for everyone around her. Maybe you watched her tolerate things that, even as a child, you somehow knew were not okay.And somewhere inside of you, you made a decision:I will not be another burden for her.Nobody had to say this to you.You simply felt it.Mom already has enough.Mom cannot take any more.So I will be good.I will manage.I will not need too much.And this is where something very interesting begins.Because what starts as love can eventually become an identity.The Good GirlYou become the child who does well in school. The responsible one. The one teachers like. The one nobody needs to worry about.Maybe you start taking responsibility very early. You organize things. You help with your siblings. You solve problems. You become emotionally mature far too quickly.And sometimes you don’t only try to protect your mother from your needs.You start trying to protect her from your father.You see what is happening between them and think:Somebody needs to stand up for her.So you do. And suddenly, energetically and psychologically, you are no longer simply the child. You have stepped into something that belongs to the adults. From a systemic perspective, this is important.The relationship between your parents belongs to your parents.They chose each other. Whatever happened between them, however painful it may have been to witness, it was never the child’s responsibility to repair their relationship, protect one parent from the other or become the emotional partner of either one.But children don’t know that. Children love blindly.And sometimes our deepest entanglements begin with the most innocent sentence:“Mom, I will help you.”When Love Becomes SuperiorityNow this is the uncomfortable part. Because consciously, you don’t think:I’m better than my mother. You don’t think: I’m stronger than her.You don’t think: I know better. Quite the opposite.You think you are helping her. Protecting her. Honoring her.But underneath the protection can be another movement:“You cannot handle this. I can.”And suddenly the child has become big and the mother has become small.Not because the child is arrogant. Because the child is terrified. If Mom is helpless, somebody has to be strong. And if nobody else is doing it, I will. This is how superiority can sometimes hide inside sacrifice.Not superiority as an attitude. Superiority as a survival position.And Then You Grow UpAnd everybody admires you. You’re so independent. You’re so capable. You’re so strong. You can handle anything. And you think: Yes. That’s just who I am.But is it?Or was there once a little girl who learned: Needing somebody creates problems.So you became hyper-independent. Giving feels wonderful to you.Receiving? Much more complicated. You can pay the bill. You can help someone. You can rescue someone. You can take responsibility. You can hold space. You can solve the problem. But when somebody wants to do something for you, something inside of you becomes uncomfortable.“No, no, no. It’s okay.” “I’ve got it.” “You don’t have to.”Because receiving can come with a hidden fear:If I take from you, I owe you something.If I need you, you have power over me. If I depend on you, you might disappoint me. So giving becomes safer than receiving. And yes, this can create incredibly successful women.It can create leaders. Entrepreneurs. High achievers. Women who can walk into chaos and somehow organize the entire room. But there is another side to it. It can become incredibly lonely.Because if you never need anyone, eventually nobody knows how to be there for you. You sit there saying: “I don’t need anybody.” And one day you realize: Maybe I don’t need anybody. But I would really like somebody.Healing means:I can take responsibility for myself and still allow myself to receive from you.I can need without becoming helpless. I can receive without owing. I can love without rescuing. I can be disappointed without becoming five years old again. I can let somebody support me without handing them responsibility for my entire emotional world.Giving Mother Her Life BackAnd perhaps the deepest part of healing the mother wound is this:You stop trying to save your mother. Not because you don’t love her. Because you finally respect her. You begin to see:My mother is the big one. I am the small one.She came before me. She had a ...
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