Do adult children owe their parents daily contact, hands-on care, and the chance to stay in the homes they love, or is that expectation unfair to the lives their children are trying to build?

In this episode of Transatlantic Bookmarks, Ksenija Popovic and Sue Graham Johnston use Anne Tyler’s A Spool of Blue Thread to debate one of the most emotionally difficult questions in family life: what do we owe the people who loved us first?

Ksenija cannot understand a family that would move an elderly father out of the home he has lived in for decades, or a grown child who calls their mother only once a week. Sue argues that love does not necessarily mean living together, calling every day, or putting an adult child’s career and family life on hold. Between them: the Balkan and Mediterranean idea of intergenerational obligation, the American ideal of independence, aging parents, dementia, inherited homes, guilt, care, and the things families leave behind.

📚 BOOKS MENTIONED:
(As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases)

• A Spool of Blue Thread by Anne Tyler: https://amzn.to/4zzJImG
• Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke: https://amzn.to/4xRP8Yb
• Pachinko by Min Jin Lee: https://amzn.to/4gkO2NB
• American Hagwon by Min Jin Lee: https://amzn.to/4cSZOhc
• I'll Take the Fire by Leïla Slimani: https://amzn.to/4zve3CI
• Life of M by Rachel Cusk: https://amzn.to/3U5WAR7
• Partita by Barbara Kingsolver: https://amzn.to/4c1rVdX
• Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver: https://amzn.to/4gdH8JS
• The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver: https://amzn.to/4hLh6QU
• Whistler by Ann Patchett: https://amzn.to/4gm21ma
• Heather by Caitlin Mullen: https://amzn.to/4wAdEfH
• Fathers Before Sons by Ksenija Popovic: https://amzn.to/4wDloNK

💌 OUR SUBSTACK AND SHOW NOTES:
https://transatlanticbookmarks.substack.com/

📚 READ KSENIJA’S NOVELS:
https://transatlanticbookmarks.substack.com/p/publications

👉🏻 CHAPTERS

00:00 Teaser
01:05 Intergenerational Relations
07:19 Cultural Expectations and Responsibilities Towards Elders
26:00 The Ugly Side of Strong Intergenerational Connection
30:14 Balancing Independence and Family Obligations
33:53 Is the Relationship with our Elders Transactional?
38:27 The Future of Multi-Generational Living
41:42 What Do We Owe the People Who Loved Us First?
57:56 What We're Reading