If you've ever done every dish, packed every lunch, and then found yourself furious at a partner sitting on the couch, this one will feel familiar. So will the moment right after, when the fight gets uncomfortable and someone rushes to smooth it all over before anything actually gets resolved.

What this episode covers:

- The drama triangle: the victim, rescuer, and perpetrator positions couples cycle through, often within a single conversation

- A real scenario, walked through step by step, of how a couple moves from overfunctioning and resentment into blame, hurt, and a rushed peace that settles nothing

- Why the rescuer position and the victim position can look kind or selfless on the surface while carrying their own quiet aggression

- How this same triangle shows up in the bedroom through duty sex and hypervigilant self-monitoring during sex

- What it actually takes to step out of each corner, including why getting out of the victim position isn't the same as just accepting bad treatment

This is a dynamic Jackie and Catherine work through with clients and coaching clients regularly, and if any of these roles sound like your own, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what shifting out of them could look like for your relationship.

Free consultation: https://www.differentiatedlove.com/contact

Substack: https://differentiatedlove.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web

Podcast: https://pod.link/1884143784?view=apps&sort=popularity

Chapters:

00:00 Intro

00:34 What the drama triangle is

02:40 The Sarah and Mark example: overfunctioning turns into blame

08:52 How rescuing smooths things over without solving anything

12:56 Why all three positions come from low differentiation

16:40 Why the victim and rescuer positions can look nice on the outside

22:09 How this plays out in sex through duty sex

25:56 Self-monitoring and hypervigilance during sex

28:01 How to get out of each position

41:27 Closing thoughts

To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website.

Podcast Website

https://www.differentiatedlove.com/

Jackie's Website

https://www.candgtherapy.com/

Catherine's Website

https://www.catherineroebuck.com/

Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031

License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0

Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes

Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

If sex has started to feel like something you get through rather than something you want to experience, you're not alone — and it's not about attraction or love. For a lot of high-functioning, responsible people, pleasure has quietly been crossed off the list of things that matter. And their partners feel it.

This episode covers:

• How a productivity mindset migrates into the bedroom — and what it does to desire and intimacy
• The difference between accommodating sex and actually wanting it, and why that gap matters
• Why some people struggle to know what they want at all — in bed or anywhere else — and how to start finding out
• What it looks like to gradually rebuild a tolerance for pleasure, outside the bedroom and in it
• The real cost to a relationship when one partner has stopped letting themselves want things

This is the kind of work Jackie and Catherine do with couples and individuals all the time. If you're curious what it might look like to explore this, both offer a free 15-minute consultation.

https://www.differentiatedlove.com/

https://www.candgtherapy.com/

https://www.catherineroebuck.com/

Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031

License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0

Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes

Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

Most people know how to brace for bad news. But there's something quietly harder about sharing — or receiving — good news. If you've ever found yourself announcing something wonderful with a kind of apology in your voice, or you've noticed yourself go flat when someone you love tells you something great happened for them, this episode is about that.

This episode covers:

• Why sharing good news can feel shameful or exposing — and where that instinct comes from
• The connection between how you relate to your own achievements and your capacity to genuinely celebrate others
• What Brené Brown calls "foreboding joy" — the automatic pull away from positive intensity — and how it breaks contact with yourself and with the people you're close to
• How anxiety about other people's reactions can cause you to downplay your own life, and how to interrupt that
• What to do with jealousy when it comes up — including how to let it point you toward something useful rather than taking it somewhere destructive

This is the kind of conversation Jackie and Catherine have with clients all the time — the smaller, more specific places where closeness breaks down. If you're curious about what it might look like to work on this, both of them offer free 15-minute consultations and would be glad to talk.

Free consultation: [link]
Substack: [link]
Podcast: [link]

Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031

License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0

Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes

Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w