Caroline Nield was 48 when she discovered she was autistic.

Until then, she had spent years wondering why certain parts of life seemed harder for her than they appeared to be for other people. She rehearsed conversations before they happened. Phone calls needed preparation. Friendships could be difficult to maintain. Changes to familiar routines could feel disproportionately unsettling.

And, like many women who receive an autism diagnosis later in life, she had become very good at adapting and masking.

Caroline’s route to diagnosis began when her son was diagnosed as autistic. As she learned more about autism – including sensory differences, social communication and repetitive behaviours – she began recognising herself.

When her own diagnosis eventually came, her overwhelming feeling was relief.

Rather than giving her another label, Caroline says it helped her begin stripping away some of the labels she had already given herself, like shy, stubborn, difficult.

We talk about what autism can look like in women, why so many women reach midlife without recognising that they are neurodivergent, and the difference that self-understanding can make.

Caroline also shares some wonderfully relatable examples from everyday life – from supermarket layouts and favourite sandwiches to friendship drift, phone calls and the need for routine.

We also explore:

• Why autism in girls and women has historically been overlooked• Masking and learning to copy other people socially• The relief – and sometimes grief – that can accompany a late diagnosis• Sensory differences and the need for routine• Friendship and the feeling of never quite fitting in• Executive functioning, overwhelm and the “too many tabs open” brain• Perfectionism and the freeze response• Finding ways of working that suit your own brain• Caroline’s decision to pursue acting in her 40s• Leaving a 20-year HR career and retraining as a coach• Why understanding yourself can be the beginning of treating yourself more kindly

What struck me most about our conversation was that this isn’t really a story about acquiring a label.

It’s about finally having an explanation, and, perhaps, being able to look back at yourself with a little more self-compassion.

FIND CAROLINE

Instagram: @caroline_nieldFacebook: Caroline NieldLinkedIn: Caroline Nield

Caroline also mentions her free two-minute quiz exploring patterns including cognitive overload, perfectionism, overgiving and the freeze response.

AGEING WONDERFULLY WELL

My book, Ageing Wonderfully Well: The Good News about Midlife and Growing Older, is now available worldwide:

https://geni.us/AgeingWonderfullyWell