Welcome again to the Pineapple Ranch. Please mind the Lantern Flys on your way in. We suggest that you not only step on them but please don't look our host, Erin Maguire, directly in the eyes when you enter the Maha'a Tiki Lounge. It will make sense when you see her. Best of luck.

Excuse me, Sir. If you want to listen to the latest episode of DEAR POD on this flight, you'll have to buy these airline approved headphones from us. If you would like a soda, that's free. We just charge for the ice. Per cube.
Enjoy!

A ship.
A life-time supply of booze.
4000 people.
What could go wrong?
Hit START and try to act shocked. It will make me Erin feel a little better about her life choices.

Yes. I know. You're here for advice. But if Erin & Patty don't b&tch about the new Jurassic Park movie, we're never going to get anywhere this week. Now, please put on your Jeff Goldblum glasses and let's start the show.

For God's sake, whatever you do, do not approach Erin and assume that she works at the Pineapple Ranch. Just keep moving along and try not to make direct eye contact with her. I am telling you this for your own safety. Please try to enjoy the show.

Get the CREST. Get the COLGATE. Grab the floss. This week's "mini" is about to burrow a hole through your incisors. Now, please pass the chocolate covered peanuts and let's get this episode started!

We're picking, digging, and mining for gold in this week's episode. No need for a Kleenex. Just wipe this episode on your arm as God has intended it. Man. That's just nasty.

Where else can you go from fleeing the bombs in the Middle East, to fleeing the disgusting living conditions of our kids in college. You got it! Only here at DEAR POD: The Comedy You Can Bet Money You'll Hear The Word Poop At Least Once In Every Episode Advice Podcast. It just rolls of the tongue. Doesn't it?