『Conan the Barbarian: The 1982 Masterpiece vs. the 2011 Disaster』のカバーアート

Conan the Barbarian: The 1982 Masterpiece vs. the 2011 Disaster

Conan the Barbarian: The 1982 Masterpiece vs. the 2011 Disaster

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Peter and Eden compare the two Conan the Barbarian movies — the 1982 John Milius original that made Arnold Schwarzenegger a star, and the 2011 Jason Momoa remake. Peter, mid-outline on a new novel using Jessica Brody's Save the Cat beat sheet, finds the 1982 film fascinating but slow precisely because it ignores modern story beats in favor of a mythic, Wagnerian hero; the 2011 film follows every rule and lands soulless. They break down why the remake fails on nearly every front, geek out over James Earl Jones' Thulsa Doom and Basil Poledouris' score, and flag two upcoming projects: the Schwarzenegger/Christopher McQuarrie King Conan and the gender-swapped French curio She Is Conann. Before that, they catch up on Peter's 50th in Vegas — the Backstreet Boys at the Sphere and 20 laps in a Ferrari 296 GTB — and Spider-Man: Brand New Day.Show NotesThe catch-up: Eden's intrusive thoughts won and they dyed their beard purple rather than shave it again, a look they're keeping until they get bored.Lis's new gig: Peter's wife is now voice faculty at Idaho State University, teaching voice lessons to music majors and sitting in on juries.Eden — Rebecca Black: New Rebecca Black songs keep dropping ahead of an album due in two weeks, and they think she's one of the most interesting people working in pop music right now.Eden — Roll Over and Die: They caught up to the current volumes of the gory, action-packed light novel series Roll Over and Die, even if they wish they'd drop the bloated subtitle.Eden — The Credits Roll Into the Sea: The manga about a 70-year-old widow who enrolls in a university film program after her husband dies had a quiet tenderness they loved. The Credits Roll into the SeaEden — games: They joined a monthly brothers-in-law co-op night playing Heroes of Hammerwatch, which they think the sequel improves on.Eden — Fields of Mistria: The farming sim Fields of Mistria is out of early access and is one of the better Stardew-likes they've played, on the strength of its character writing.Eden — Bad Movie Bros: Movie night returned with the gloriously bad Gor, a Conan knockoff based on John Norman's sword-and-planet novels, with the sequel already queued.Spider-Man: Brand New Day: The fourth Tom Holland Spider-Man is Peter's favorite of the four and Eden's best yet, both crediting Destin Daniel Cretton's direction.Spider-Man's Punisher: They argued the unusually light Punisher is deliberate — the first person Frank Castle has cared about since his family died, so he drops the grimness around Peter.Peter's 50th in Vegas: The whole family of eight came together in Las Vegas, and Peter correctly guessed the Backstreet Boys' Into the Millennium residency at the Sphere was the Saturday show.Ferrari at SpeedVegas: Lis bought him 20 laps in a Ferrari 296 GTB at SpeedVegas, where he hit about 137 mph on the 2,000-foot straightaway under relentless coaching from his instructor, Nico.Lucky: He's caught up through six episodes of Lucky, an Anya Taylor-Joy con-artist thriller that won't win awards but is a ton of fun.Ted Lasso returns: Season four follows Richmond's new women's team and is unapologetic about the shit women's sports has to put up with.Mortal Kombat: The 2021 Mortal Kombat was so flat Peter skipped the sequel, a midi-chlorian-style explanation for character powers that was completely unnecessary.The Expanse: He's halfway through Leviathan Wakes and enjoying the series so far.Beyond Grace: The UK band's Welcome to the New Dark Ages Part Three completes a heavy, ugly, socially conscious death-metal trilogy he's had on repeat.Death: Returning to Death reminded him what a spectacular discography Chuck Schuldiner left behind, with some eerie prescience on The Sound of Perseverance.Main topic: The episode's feature compares the 1982 and 2011 Conan the Barbarian movies.Why 1982 works: Peter, mid-outline using Save the Cat Writes a Novel's 15 beats, found the Milius film fascinating but slow — a mythic, Wagnerian hero with no B-story and no internal conflict.The 1982 details: Basil Poledouris' score, the Andalusia shoot, and James Earl Jones' scenery-chewing Thulsa Doom carry it, with the riddle-of-steel payoff landing.Why 2011 fails: The remake hits every beat on paper but is soulless — Momoa has no presence, Rose McGowan is the only interesting thing in it, and it's all cheap CGI.2011 plot holes: Breaking a magic mask into eight pieces instead of a million, elephants dragging a boat through a jungle, and instant travel between far-flung citadels.2011's politics: Eden flagged how the orcish peoples read as Native American and African while the white characters don't get the same treatment.Financial disaster: The $90 million remake grossed around $60 million, and Peter argues it deserved worse.Worst movies: It sits near the very bottom of everything they've watched, in the running with Knights of the Zodiac and Black Adam.King Conan: A long-in-development King Conan sequel with ...
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