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Bob and Eric welcome back comedian Lydia Henninger and drag performer Envy Sinn to talk about the moment Jesus tells Peter to get behind him — and figure out he's not mad, just disappointed.

This week's gospel (Matthew 16:21-28) has Peter going from golden child to "Satan" in the space of one verse, and the crew digs into what actually earned him the demotion. Plus:

• A cold open you'll wish you could unhear (ask Bob about his childhood pencil thief)
• Drag performance vs. stand-up: which one requires being blackout drunk?
• QR codes declared the mark of the beast
• An extended, unprompted legal defense of Fred Rogers's honor
• A surprisingly tender detour into what it means to say goodbye to a church building

(Keep an eye on the YT thumbnail for our Sacred Heart of Not Mad, Just Disappointed.)

Matthew 16:21–28 (NRSVue)

[21] From that time on, Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and undergo great suffering at the hands of the elders and chief priests and scribes and be killed and on the third day be raised. [22] And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “God forbid it, Lord! This must never happen to you.” [23] But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me, for you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things.” [24] Then Jesus told his disciples, “If any wish to come after me, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. [25] For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. [26] For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? Or what will they give in return for their life? [27] “For the Son of Man is to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay everyone for what has been done. [28] Truly I tell you, there are some standing here who will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible pairs Pittsburgh standup comedians with actual pastors to argue about the lectionary gospel — and the comedians usually turn out to be the serious ones.

It's a Short Take this week: Resident Comic Theologians Abby Evans (@itsabbye) and Erick Williams (@comicaledubs) join Bob and Eric to unpack Peter's confession at Caesarea Philippi — the gap between "who do people say that I am" and "who do you say that I am" — and what Jesus actually meant by handing the church the power to bind and loose.

• Evil-twin gaslighting over who's really Abby and who's really Eric
• Hades, Gehenna, and Sheol — why Jesus' vocabulary for "the bad place" is more specific than most English translations let on
• Molech, mass graves, and the pagan gods the Bible casually name-drops
• A whole subgenre of movies you didn't know existed: Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter
• The Supreme Court gets dragged into a conversation about ecclesial authority
• Figuring out, with the help of The Good Place, whether Peter just skipped a grade

"Peter's the who's-on-first of the Bible."

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Matthew 16:13–20 (NRSVue)

[13] Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” [14] And they said, “Some say John the Baptist but others Elijah and still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” [15] He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” [16] Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” [17] And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you but my Father in heaven. [18] And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it. [19] I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” [20] Then he sternly ordered the disciples not to tell anyone that he was the Messiah.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible pairs Pittsburgh standup comedians with pastors to read the week's lectionary gospel cold — and somehow the comedians end up being the theologians.

This week: drag performer and stand-up Envy Sinn (@envysinnpgh) and dog-sitter/comedian Lydia Henninger (@lydia__allison) join Pastors Bob and Eric for Matthew 15:10–28 — Jesus's "it's not what goes in, it's what comes out" teaching, followed immediately by his tense, electric exchange with the Canaanite woman.

• Lydia clocks Jesus mid-passage: "Why is Jesus mansplaining right now?"
• The Greek word behind "dogs" gets a real translation — and it's blunter than your Bible study probably let on
• Envy connects the daytime/nighttime split of drag life to what actually "defiles" a person
• A full roast-battle read of the Canaanite woman's comeback, and whether Jesus took the L
• A tangent through Pittsburgh's relic collection, the Vatican catacombs, and (allegedly) Bigfoot

--

Matthew 15:10–28 (NRSVue)

[10] Then he called the crowd to him and said to them, “Listen and understand: [11] it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but it is what comes out of the mouth that defiles.” [12] Then the disciples approached and said to him, “Do you know that the Pharisees took offense when they heard what you said?” [13] He answered, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be uprooted. [14] Let them alone; they are blind guides of the blind. And if one blind person guides another, both will fall into a pit.” [15] But Peter said to him, “Explain this parable to us.” [16] Then he said, “Are you also still without understanding? [17] Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth enters the stomach and goes out into the sewer? [18] But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this is what defiles. [19] For out of the heart come evil intentions, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. [20] These are what defile a person, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile.” [21] Jesus left that place and went away to the district of Tyre and Sidon. [22] Just then a Canaanite woman from that region came out and started shouting, “Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is tormented by a demon.” [23] But he did not answer her at all. And his disciples came and urged him, saying, “Send her away, for she keeps shouting after us.” [24] He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” [25] But she came and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, help me.” [26] He answered, “It is not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs.” [27] She said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.” [28] Then Jesus answered her, “Woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed from that moment.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Two Pittsburgh comedians and two Lutheran pastors read the week's gospel cold and see what happens. This week: Peter gets out of the boat, immediately regrets it, and Jesus does not let him drown.

Resident Comic Theologians Abby Evans and Erick Williams join Pastor Bob and Pastor Eric to work out what walking on water actually feels like (bouncy house floor, it turns out), whether Jesus timed his midnight lake stroll for maximum dramatic effect, and why the guy who sinks is the one the church gets built on.

Also discussed:

• Whether a library card is the sexiest thing on the planet, and whether a second library card in the next town over improves on that
• The Sea of Galilee's rumored walk-on-water tourist platform, and whether monetizing Christianity is still Christianity
• Christian comedy as one of the few scenes that actually pays mid-tier artists — and the very serious cost of that bargain, especially for young women
• A 50-second detour into Jonathan Rundman's "Xian Bookstore" that stops the room cold
• Judas volunteering to handle the money, which everyone agrees should have been a red flag
• Mike Flanagan's Midnight Mass, and why "be not afraid" is load-bearing advice
• The Jesus Christ lizard of central Florida

Matthew 14:22–33 (NRSVue)

[22] Immediately he made the disciples get into a boat and go on ahead to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. [23] And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, [24] but by this time the boat, battered by the waves, was far from the land, for the wind was against them. [25] And early in the morning he came walking toward them on the sea. [26] But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out in fear. [27] But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.” [28] Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” [29] He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. [30] But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” [31] Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” [32] When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. [33] And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

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"Xian Bookstore" by Jonathan Rundman, used by special permission of the artist. Find more at jonathanrundman.bandcamp.com.

Follow Abby on Instagram @itsabbye and Erick @comicaledubs. Follow the show @cptbpod.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
Find us at @cptbpod on most social media platforms.
More at linktr.ee/cptbpod

Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Josh Rittenour (@ritkeepstalking) and Seth Queen (@sethqueen_comedy) are back on the couch for the Feeding of the 5,000 — and the question nobody's brave enough to ask in Bible study: was Jesus nervous? This week we treat the greatest miracle in the Gospels like a top-five stand-up bit, complete with pre-show jitters, hecklers, and a hometown crowd that literally tried to throw the headliner off a cliff.

Along the way:

• Ineffective church recruitment tactics (open gyms, basement PowerPoints, and one deeply confusing party)
• The poop-emoji-vs-pudding-emoji theory of why Bible study is hard
• Jesus's "failed takes" — the two-part blind-man healing and the disciples who came back saying the miracle "didn't work"
• Compassion after grief: Jesus gets the worst news of his life and the crowd still won't leave him alone
• Eric's read on the actual miracle — that the crowd stopped hoarding and started sharing (or, as Josh puts it, that it beats "clown car bread")

"Whether he zapped the bread or whether he zapped their hearts like the Grinch — there is this miracle there, and it was just enough."

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Matthew 14:13–21 (NRSVue)

[13] Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. [14] When he went ashore, he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion for them and cured their sick. [15] When it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a deserted place, and the hour is now late; send the crowds away so that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” [16] Jesus said to them, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” [17] They replied, “We have nothing here but five loaves and two fish.” [18] And he said, “Bring them here to me.” [19] Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and blessed and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. [20] And all ate and were filled, and they took up what was left over of the broken pieces, twelve baskets full. [21] And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
Find us at @cptbpod on most social media platforms.
More at linktr.ee/cptbpod

Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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The Kingdom of Heaven Is Like a New York Deli

Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible pairs Pittsburgh standup comedians with Lutheran pastors to read the week's lectionary gospel cold, with no preparation and no safety net. This week's a Short Take — no warm-up banter, just our Resident Comic Theologians Erick Williams (@comicaledubs), Abby Evans (@itsabbye) and the text.

Jesus fires off five parables in a row, asks if the disciples understood, and they lie and say yes. This episode is our attempt at the honest answer — mustard shrubs, laundered treasure, and a pastrami sandwich all get pressed into service.

Expect:

• A cold open that throws out somebody's back before the Bible even shows up
• The kingdom of heaven compared to frozen pizza deals, food TV, and a very specific New York sandwich
• A serious detour into buried treasure, stolen property, and what grace has to do with either
• Sourdough starters as an unplanned theology of things you don't fully control

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Matthew 13:31–33, 44–52 (NRSVue)

[31] He put before them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed that someone took and sowed in his field; [32] it is the smallest of all the seeds, but when it has grown it is the greatest of shrubs and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches.” [33] He told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed in with three measures of flour until all of it was leavened.”

[44] “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and reburied; then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. [45] “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls; [46] on finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it. [47] “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net that was thrown into the sea and caught fish of every kind; [48] when it was full, they drew it ashore, sat down, and put the good into baskets but threw out the bad. [49] So it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come out and separate the evil from the righteous [50] and throw them into the furnace of fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. [51] “Have you understood all this?” They answered, “Yes.” [52] And he said to them, “Therefore every scribe who has become a disciple in the kingdom of heaven is like the master of a household who brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old.”

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible pairs Pittsburgh-area standup comedians with ELCA pastors to dig into the week's Revised Common Lectionary gospel text — the format is right there in the name.

This week, we sit down with comedians Josh Rittenour (@ritkeepstalking) and Seth Queen (@sethqueen_comedy) to wrestle with Jesus' Parable of the Weeds — the one where an enemy sneaks into a farmer's field under cover of night and sows weeds among the wheat, and the boss's answer to "what happened here?" becomes the most melodramatic line in the gospels.

Expect:

• A cold open so telenovela-coded it demanded its own thumbnail
• A deep dive on the Greek word behind "slave" in the parable, and why it's more complicated than a straight swap to "servant"
• A tangent on prayer as a message in a bottle (and why "please God, don't let me have explosive diarrhea" might be a legitimate prayer)
• The HOA-and-bamboo modern retelling of the parable, which may be funnier than the original
• Josh accidentally producing the episode's best bumper sticker
• A genuinely difficult question for two Lutheran pastors: how do you preach "the weeds are the children of the evil one" when your whole theology runs on grace?

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Matthew 13:24–30, 36–43 (NRSVue)

[24] He put before them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to someone who sowed good seed in his field, [25] but while everybody was asleep an enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat and then went away. [26] So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared as well. [27] And the slaves of the householder came and said to him, ‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? Where, then, did these weeds come from?’ [28] He answered, ‘An enemy has done this.’ The slaves said to him, ‘Then do you want us to go and gather them?’ [29] But he replied, ‘No, for in gathering the weeds you would uproot the wheat along with them. [30] Let both of them grow together until the harvest, and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, Collect the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.’ ”

[36] Then he left the crowds and went into the house. And his disciples approached him, saying, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds of the field.” [37] He answered, “The one who sows the good seed is the Son of Man; [38] the field is the world, and the good seed are the children of the kingdom; the weeds are the children of the evil one, [39] and the enemy who sowed them is the devil; the harvest is the end of the age, and the reapers are angels. [40] Just as the weeds are collected and burned up with fire, so will it be at the end of the age. [41] The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will collect out of his kingdom all causes of sin and all evildoers, [42] and they will throw them into the furnace of fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. [43] Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Let anyone with ears listen!

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible pairs Pittsburgh standup comedians with two ELCA pastors to talk about the week's gospel text — badly, then well.

Bob and Eric get back to weekly rhythm with resident comic theologians Abby Evans and Erick Williams, diving straight into Matthew 13's Parable of the Sower — no guest banter, straight to scripture.

Expect:

• A pastor-approved case for becoming mushroom manure when you die
• Jesus explaining his own parable (and what that says about comedians who explain their jokes)
• Eric's pivot: it's not that bad soil beats the odds — it's that good soil shows up where you don't expect it
• A detour through the fall of Jerusalem and what "profligate" means

"Even the challenging, difficult soil can be made better."

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Matthew 13:1–9, 18-23 (NRSVue)

[1] That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat beside the sea. [2] Such great crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat there, while the whole crowd stood on the beach. [3] And he told them many things in parables, saying: “Listen! A sower went out to sow. [4] And as he sowed, some seeds fell on a path, and the birds came and ate them up. [5] Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and they sprang up quickly, since they had no depth of soil. [6] But when the sun rose, they were scorched, and since they had no root, they withered away. [7] Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. [8] Other seeds fell on good soil and brought forth grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. [9] If you have ears, hear!”

[18] “Hear, then, the parable of the sower. [19] When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what is sown in the heart; this is what was sown on the path. [20] As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, [21] yet such a person has no root but endures only for a while, and when trouble or persecution arises on account of the word, that person immediately falls away. [22] As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of this age and the lure of wealth choke the word, and it yields nothing. [23] But as for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.”

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
Find us at @cptbpod on most social media platforms.
More at linktr.ee/cptbpod

Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.