What if the behaviors you’re trying to “fix”—overworking, overeating, hoarding, choosing unhealthy relationships, withdrawing, or sabotaging your own success—aren’t random flaws? What if they’re clues?

In this conversation, Alina speaks with Charlene Underhill Miller, a psychotherapist, educator, coach, writer, lecturer, and marriage and family therapist based in California. Together, they explore how childhood trauma, neglect, and family patterns can show up later in relationships, work, parenting, food habits, and self-sabotage.You’ll learn how to recognize repeating patterns without judging yourself, replace “Why did I do that?” with more useful questions, and begin turning old pain into insight, connection, and meaningful change.

In this episode, you’ll discover how to:

• Recognize when a current behavior may be connected to an older emotional wound
• Understand why you may repeat familiar—even unhealthy—relationship patterns
• Replace judgment and shame with curiosity
• Identify whether you’re using food, work, possessions, or control to create comfort or safety
• Notice the “internal saboteur” that may be protecting you from failure or rejection
• Understand why some children seek negative attention rather than no attention
• Build more honest, supportive relationships and communities
• Talk about difficult experiences without immediately trying to fix them
• Use simple practices to identify patterns and make new choices
• Reframe your history as something that can inform your future rather than define it

About Charlene:
https://underhillmiller.com/

Dr. Miller works regularly with clients experiencing depression, anxiety and self-sabotage, including unusual behaviors such as hoarding. Her doctoral work focused on specialized care to adults and children who have been affected by sexual abuse and trauma.

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