Adult kids = adult worries. If you’ve been stuck in an anxiety loop, today’s episode is your lifeline.

What You'll Learn:
•Why parenting adult children can trigger more anxiety than other stages
•Four mindset shifts to focus on when worry strikes
•A simple writing exercise to reframe parental anxiety
•How to trust your children’s journey—even when it looks messy

Timestamps:
[00:00:30] – Parenting adult children and anxiety traps
[00:02:57] – Shifting focus: What kind of parent do I want to be?
[00:05:11] – Transitioning from "problem solver" to "observer"
[00:08:31] – Exercise: Rewriting anxious narratives into trusting stories
[00:11:46] – Mistakes as a parent: Repair, commitment, and resilience
[00:12:47] – Conclusion: Investing in what you can control
[00:15:05] – Today's Kindness Narrative: A math teacher’s lasting impact

For full episode, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/when-you-can't-fix-it:-four-ways-to-calm-anxiety-about-adult-children

Share Your Story:
Send your Kindness Narrative (audio or written) to:
•Email: CalmYourCaveman@gmail.com
•Instagram DM: @CalmYourCaveman
(You can stay completely anonymous if you prefer!)

Music:
J.S. Bach, Goldberg Variations, Transcribed for String Trio (excerpts). Performed by Avery Ensemble live 12/2/2017. Used by permission.
Harmonia Artificioso-Ariosa, Partita No. 4 in E flat Major (excerpts). Performed by the Avery Ensemble, recorded 2017. Used by permission.
More information at https://www.averyensemble.com/

This episode starts with a conversation with my mom, who has spent a lifetime quietly serving others and finding real joy in it. But for me, giving didn’t always bring peace — it often brought guilt, pressure, and anxiety. If service is supposed to make us happier, why can it sometimes feel so heavy? I open up about my own dysfunctional relationship with giving, how it was harming rather than helping, and what finally shifted. Learn the two major blocks that might be keeping you from experiencing the mental health benefits of kindness — and how to turn giving into a powerful, joyful tool for emotional healing.

00:00 – Welcome & Introduction
Meet my mom and the powerful strategy of service that didn’t work for me… until I tweaked it.

00:52 – My Mom’s Quiet Ministry of Visits
Stories of visiting lonely neighbors and why she chose to do it.

03:19 – What She Gained from Serving Others
The emotional reward of listening and connecting with the elderly.

04:42 – Quilting with Purpose: Stitching Hearts Project
How she became an area manager and the far-reaching impact of these humanitarian quilts.

07:30 – What Service Gives Her Back
The deep fulfillment from feeling connected and making a difference.

9:19 – When Service Becomes a Burden
How I internalized service as obligation, guilt, and pressure—and why it made me anxious.

10:58 – The Global Science of Kindness
Studies that show helping others increases happiness—across cultures and circumstances.

12:29 – Learning to Put My Oxygen Mask on First
Why self-care is foundational to being able to serve in a healthy way.

14:06 – The Power of Saying No
Illness taught me to respect my limits—and protect my body’s energy budget.

16:09 – Choice vs Obligation in Service
The treadmill mouse study that reveals the emotional toll of forced generosity.

17:26 – What If You Don’t Have to Serve?
Facing mortality helped me realize that service is a choice, not a duty.

17:54 – The Science of Wellbeing Assignment
How “7 Random Acts of Kindness” changed my relationship with giving.

19:31 – Finding Joy in Kindness—My Way
Serving from a place of health, desire, and creativity—how I finally felt the reward.

21:56 – Kindness Narrative: Making a Support Fund

For full episode, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/when-giving-backfires:-healing-the-anxiety-of-overgiving

Music:
J.S. Bach, Goldberg Variations, Transcribed for String Trio (excerpts). Performed by Avery Ensemble live 12/2/2017. Used by permission.
To see original performance go to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TELZsL_5W2c

Harmonia Artificioso-Ariosa, Partita No. 4 in E flat Major (excerpts). Performed by the Avery Ensemble, recorded 2017. Used by permission. To stream recording go to: https://music.apple.com/br/album/mozart-biber-creston-schoenfield/1373331850?l=en-GB

More information at https://www.averyensemble.com/

Learn how the strategy of negative visualization can help regulate negative emotions like anxiety and enhance appreciation for positive events. From childhood memories to life-threatening experiences, discover how visualizing worse outcomes can make current challenges more manageable and appreciations more profound. Join Dr. Twitchell as she explores this concept, known as the George Bailey effect, through personal anecdotes and psychological insights.

00:30 A Family Road Trip Story: It Could Have Been Worse

02:38 Negative Visualization as a Tested Anxiety Strategy

05:51 The George Bailey Effect

04:55 Personal Stories: How Negative Visualization Helps With Stress

13:03 How Negative Visualization Makes Your Highs Higher

16:29 Kindness Narrative: A Free Lunch