Have you ever replayed a conversation over and over in your head, convinced someone was criticising you? Or spiralled after your boss said, "Can we have a chat?" only to discover it was nothing at all?

The truth is, our brains are wired to take things personally. But that doesn't mean every awkward interaction, delayed reply or offhand comment is actually about you.

In this episode of But Are You Happy?, host Ashani Dante is joined by clinical psychologist Anita Shimmins to unpack why we take things so personally, where those reactions come from, and how we can stop letting them control our relationships and self-worth. Together, they explore why our brains interpret social rejection as a threat to our survival, how childhood experiences, attachment styles and past trauma shape the stories we tell ourselves, and why social media makes it even harder to separate fact from fiction.

The conversation also explores why criticism hurts so much, how to tell the difference between what actually happened and the meaning you've attached to it, and why taking something personally isn't always a bad thing. Anita shares a simple four-step exercise to help you challenge your assumptions in the moment, along with practical strategies for having difficult conversations, setting healthy boundaries and communicating your needs with confidence. Because sometimes the most important shift isn't changing what other people say—it's changing the story your brain tells you about it.

Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.

Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here.

Feedback: podcast@mamamia.com.au

Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.

CREDITS:

Guest: Anita Shimmins

Host: Ashani Dante

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti

Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever wondered why modern life can leave us feeling so disconnected, even when we're doing everything we're told should make us feel well?

This NAIDOC Week, But Are You Happy? explores a different way of understanding mental health — one grounded in connection, community and relationships rather than simply treating illness.

In this episode, host Ashani Dante is joined by proud Gamilaraay man, psychologist and Director of First Nations Strategy at the Black Dog Institute, Dr Clinton Schultz. Together, they unpack what First Nations perspectives on social and emotional wellbeing can teach all of us about living healthier, more connected lives.

Clinton shares his own extraordinary journey from childhood trauma and addiction to becoming one of Australia's leading voices on First Nations mental health. He explains why Aboriginal concepts of wellbeing begin with relationships — to ourselves, to each other, to Country and to community — and why those connections have been central to keeping First Nations peoples strong for tens of thousands of years.

The conversation also explores the often unseen impact of racism on mental health, why repeated experiences of discrimination don't leave people enough time to heal, the unique challenges facing young First Nations people today, and what it truly means to be an ally. Finally, Clinton shares why connection to Country remains one of the strongest protective factors for wellbeing, and the lessons all Australians can take from First Nations ways of healing, belonging and caring for one another.

Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.

Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here.

Feedback: podcast@mamamia.com.au

Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.

Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.

CREDITS:

Guest: Dr Clinton Schultz

Host: Ashani Dante

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti

Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You know that feeling when you open your group chat and there are 287 unread messages... so you immediately close it again?

Whether you're the ghost who never replies, the lurker silently catching up on conversations, or the friend who feels guilty every time they leave someone on read, you're not alone. Group chats were supposed to make us feel more connected, so why do they leave so many of us feeling overwhelmed instead?

In this episode of But Are You Happy?, host Ashani Dante is joined by Milly Rose Bannister, award-winning founder of the youth mental health charity ALLKND, to unpack the hidden psychology behind group chat overwhelm and why staying connected can sometimes feel like another item on your to-do list. Together, they explore why our brains aren't built for constant digital communication, the fear of social rejection that keeps us checking our notifications, and the emotional labour involved in reading tone, self-editing and trying to keep everyone happy.

The conversation also explores why women often carry the invisible mental load of staying socially connected, how digital communication can fuel overthinking and social anxiety, and why conflict is so much harder to navigate over text than it is face-to-face. Millie shares practical strategies for setting healthier boundaries with group chats, communicating your needs without guilt, and creating friendships that prioritise genuine connection over constant availability. Finally, they discuss why the healthiest group chats aren't necessarily the busiest ones—and why making new memories together offline might be the secret to stronger relationships.

Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.

Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here.

Feedback: podcast@mamamia.com.au

Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.

Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.

CREDITS:

Guest: Milly Rose Bannister

Host: Ashani Dante

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti

Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.