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This episode comes with a content note. Rachel and I talk openly about suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation in parents, including our own experiences and what it can feel like when everything becomes too much.

Please listen with care. If today isn't the day for this conversation, give this one a miss and come back to it another time.

Rachel Winder from Auticulate joined me for a conversation that went in quite a few different directions.

Because that's how our brains work.

We make connections, go off down a completely different path, forget where we started, find our way back again and occasionally get completely distracted by a dog.

This isn't the neatest, most linear podcast conversation I've ever recorded. But perhaps that's exactly why I didn't want to edit all of that out.

It's two neurodivergent brains having a conversation in the way that comes naturally to us.

We started with suicidal ideation in parents and the shame that can come with admitting that you are struggling and you have had thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore. Especially when you're a parent and there's that added voice saying, *but how could you ever think about leaving your children?*

We talk about what can sit underneath those thoughts. Overwhelm. Isolation. Not feeling understood. Asking for help and being told there isn't any. The fear that admitting you're struggling could lead to people questioning your ability to parent.

And that really important human need to feel that we belong somewhere.

Rachel also talks about what happens to her executive functioning when she reaches that point of overwhelm and some of the things she has learnt can help.

And then, because this is us, we travel through meltdowns, autistic social skills, Girl Guides, David Attenborough, thinking in pictures, education, AI as an accessibility tool and linear ableism,

It is a very human conversation about a very difficult subject. There is laughter in it too, because sometimes there can be lightness alongside really hard things.

**Please remember:** if you're experiencing suicidal thoughts or feel that you may not be able to keep yourself safe, you don't have to sit with that alone.

**Samaritans:** Call 116 123, free, 24 hours a day
**Shout:** Text SHOUT to 85258
**NHS 111:** Call 111 and select the mental health option for urgent mental health support
**Emergency:** If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.

You'll also hear more about Rachel's work with Auticulate and her experiences of autism, ADHD, dyslexia, education and communication.

You can find Rachel here:
https://www.instagram.com/auticulate_autisticallyblunt/
https://www.tiktok.com/@auticulate
@Auticulate

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