We've made it to Bill's Story in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Written in 1938, Bill W. had about 3 or 4 years of sobriety when he wrote Bill's Story for the Big Book, which was published in 1939 and originally titled Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How More Than One Hundred Men Have Recovered from Alcoholism.

One of my closest friends, a "normie," joined the podcast to hold my hand as I read Bill's Story. Re-reading it as a woman who is about 4-5 years removed from the 12-Step Program has brought a conflation of laughter, disturbia, and reminiscence. Had I had more confidence and free will, I would have understood that Bill W. and I had very little in common aside from alcohol/substance use disorder. Instead, I accepted my sponsor's diagnosis of myself: that I was selfish, self-centered, spiritually sick, and essentially a narcissist like Bill W. was. He fancied himself a leader, expected applause "thrown" his way, and had no question of his worth or abilities. My existence before sobriety was the polar opposite: I hated myself and thought I would do others a favor by [content warning] taking my life. Bill W. initially found that the "ultimate sacrifice" was weak—he had pride. I accepted that I was "weak" long ago.

The Big Book discusses powerlessness, and that we members are powerless over alcohol. But as sickness and groupthink combine, you're powerless over just about everything, and we're expected to perceive ourselves this way.

Bitch, I'm powerful. I learned this after leaving AA.

Part II coming next.