You’ve come out, told your partner, and gotten the okay — now how do you actually find a guy? Sam and Grayson turn this one into a field guide for bi and bicurious men: the health prep to handle first, a platform-by-platform tour, how to build a profile that works, first-contact etiquette, red flags, negotiation, the vibe check, and the encounter itself — down to the aftermath. Plus listener feedback, a Word of the Week, and cautionary meetup-gone-wrong stories.

Heads up: 18+, adults only.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren’t medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Word of the Week: NPNC — No Pic, No Chat.

Terms this week

• PrEP — medication taken before exposure to prevent HIV.
• DoxyPEP — doxycycline taken after a risky encounter (ideally within 24 hrs) to reduce syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea risk.
• Side — a guy who enjoys non-penetrative sex over anal.
• DL / down low — men seeking discreet same-sex encounters without being out or with their partner’s knowledge.
• Vibe check — a low-stakes public meet to confirm identity and comfort before playing.

Resource of the Week: DAP Health — A Guide to Safely Hooking Up Online, a safety checklist and hookup-lingo guide.

Apps & sites we covered

• Grindr — best-known hookup app; fast, location-based.
• Sniffies — web-based real-time map; heavy hookup/DL traffic.
• Scruff — gay dating/hookup app; solid messaging, flat price.
• Squirt, Adam4Adam, Manhunt — web-based cruising/hookup sites.
• Feeld — open-minded singles and couples; kink, poly, ENM friendly.
• Tinder — mainstream dating/hookups; good for same-sex matches without paying.
• SLS, SDC, Kasidie — swinger/lifestyle sites; strong in some regions.

Also: Reddit (r4r), sex-positive Discord servers, and IRL — gay bars, bathhouses, jack-off clubs.

Next episode: Coming Out — not to your partner, but friends, family, and your own kids (if applicable). Join us.

Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us!

Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write “OK for air” if we can read it on the show — and if you’d like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

How do you tell a partner you're bi — whether you're two weeks into dating or twenty years into a marriage? Sam and Grayson split it into two conversations: "I'm bi," and, if applicable, "I want to act on it." Both revisit their own disclosures — Sam reads the email he sent his future wife two weeks into dating, and Grayson recaps telling his wife after years of getting close.

The practical core: whether there's a benefit to telling at all, and how a partner might take it — their views on LGBT people, a religious or conservative background, the "close to home" shift, biphobia rooted in HIV/AIDS-era fear, and the "why now / were you deceptive?" question. Then preparing, timing, and framing. Word of the Week is DADT; the mini-topic is bringing up fantasies.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Terms

• DADT (don't ask, don't tell) — an agreement not to disclose details of other relationships; often one partner has "permission" to explore while the other stays monogamous
• The two conversations — "I'm bi" (identity) and "I want to act on it" (acting on it); distinct, and the second doesn't automatically follow the first
• Kinsey scale — a 0–6 orientation scale; in his email Sam calls himself a 2 (predominantly heterosexual, more than incidentally homosexual)
• Dead bedroom — a relationship in which sexual activity has largely stopped
• Fluidity — orientation and tastes can shift over time

Links & resources

• Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? by Joe Kort and Alexander P. Morgan — on Amazon and Audible
• DADT explainers: Paige Bond and Non-Monogamy Help
• Fantasy/kink quizzes to take together: BDSMTest.org and Carnal Calibration

Next episode: Finding a Guy — apps and how to actually approach exploring bi desires in real life.

Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" to have it read on the show; same address to be a guest). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Grayson walks through his path — a teenage sleepover fumble, an early fascination with nudity, and the college roommate he watched porn with, escalating from parallel jerking off to mutual to oral, all while both insisted they were straight in the early-'90s Bible Belt. From there: a complicated three-year relationship with a woman that enjoyed gay/bi porn, the Penthouse Forum letter that [SPOILER], early AOL and adult-theater hookups, and getting so tired of explaining how he was straight when he liked dicks that he finally landed on "yes, I am bi."

The back half is the coming-out arc: his wife coming out to him first, his own disclosure and her mixed initial reaction, years of chickening out, and the profile update about 18 months ago where he finally finished the job — plus the same-room agreements he and his wife built and where he's at now. Word of the Week is compersion; the mini-topic is threesomes and moresomes, fantasy vs. reality.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

• Compersion — joy caused by another person's happiness, especially seeing a partner enjoy another partner; often called the opposite of jealousy
• ENM / CNM — ethical / consensual non-monogamy; umbrella terms for openly agreed-on non-monogamous relationships
• Same-room / same-room-only — an agreement that any play with others happens with both partners present in the same room
• Vibe check — a low-pressure, in-person meet to gauge compatibility before anything physical
• MFM / MMF / MFF / MMM — threesome/moresome shorthand; the letters that touch indicate who plays with whom (MMF = the two men play; MFM = they don't)
• Hotdogging — simulating sex between the butt cheeks without penetration

• Multiamory — website, book, podcast, and Discord from Dedeker Winston, Emily Sotelo Matlack, and Jase Lindgren; book: Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships: https://www.multiamory.com
• Feeld — the ENM/kink/couples dating app Sam used for his MMF meet: https://feeld.co

Telling Your Partner — whether, when, and how to tell a partner you're bi, and the "I'm bi" vs. "I want to act on it" split. As Grayson's story shows, even with a partner who's also bi, it can still bring real anxiety.

Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.