ABOUT THE EPISODE:

There is a version of a house where everyone moves quietly. You time your questions. You read the door slam before you read the room. You have gotten so good at it that you barely notice you are doing it anymore, and somewhere in there, one person's mood started running the whole place.

Cathy and I both lived there. I matched my son's emotional state toe to toe and had no skills to separate the two. Cathy handed so much authority over to her kids that her husband walked in the door every night and had to be the heavy, which put a wedge between them that added to their home’s dysfunction.

What we talk about in this episode is what pulled us out, and the term ‘emotional regulation’doesn’t adequately cover it. I made a decision while I was outlining this episode not to use that phrase, because I think it gets thrown around in a way that misses what you’re up against in the real world. Regulating is one thing. Planting your feet while a young person rages at you - and not picking up the rope - that takes something closer to durability. Stamina. Sturdiness.

Here is why we chose this topic: it is one of the most powerful things in this entire experience you are completely in charge of. You can’t control whether they show up for work, school or court. But this one is yours, and you can start on it today and feel something shift by the end of the week.

I also tell a story involving ten dollars and a vacuum, as a real world example of why emotional durability is crucial for your sanity and your child’s growth.

If you’re exhausted and need something to change this week, this is for you.

YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why I stopped using the phrase emotional regulation, and what Cathy and I use in its place
• The moment Cathy realized she had handed her parental authority over, and what it cost at home
• The ten dollar story with the vacuum that I still cringe about
• Where dysregulation shows up in your body first, and why that is the signal to work with
• Why the low stakes moments are where this can start growing in you

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Self coaching questions, Hopestream podcast Episode 333
• Self coaching questions, Hopestream podcast Episode 328
• Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change
• Beyond Addiction Workbook
• Free e-book, Worried Sick: hopestreamcommunity.org/worried
• Free two-week trial of The Stream: hopestreamcommunity.org/try

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