Struggling with mismatched libidos in your relationship? You’re not alone—and the real problem isn’t what you think.

In this episode, I’m joined by relationship and intimacy coach Monica Tanner to unpack the hidden dynamics behind desire discrepancy. We dive into why couples get stuck in cycles of pressure and rejection, how small disappointments turn into long-term resentment, and what both partners may be doing (without realizing it) to keep the pattern going.

If you’ve ever felt like:

• Your partner “should” want sex more
• You’re constantly navigating pressure or rejection
• Emotional connection isn’t translating into a better sex life

…this episode will help you understand why—and what to do differently.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why desire discrepancy is really a relationship dynamic (not just a libido issue)
• How “building a case” against your partner destroys intimacy
• The hidden ways higher desire partners create pressure
• Why emotional intimacy alone doesn’t fix sex
• How to expand your definition of sex and reduce pressure
• The role of childhood conditioning in your sex life

Guest Resources Mentioned:

• Monica Tanner’s book: Bad Marriage Advice
• Monica Tanner's website: https://www.monicatanner.com/

❤️ Ready to improve your sex life?

Take my free quiz to discover what’s really blocking intimacy in your relationship:

👉 https://TheBetterBedroom.com

Or, if you’re ready for personalized support, book a free consultation:

👉 https://HeatherShannon.co

Struggling with mismatched libidos in your relationship? You’re not alone—and the real problem isn’t what you think.

In this episode, I’m joined by relationship and intimacy coach Monica Tanner to unpack the hidden dynamics behind desire discrepancy. We dive into why couples get stuck in cycles of pressure and rejection, how small disappointments turn into long-term resentment, and what both partners may be doing (without realizing it) to keep the pattern going.

If you’ve ever felt like:

• Your partner “should” want sex more
• You’re constantly navigating pressure or rejection
• Emotional connection isn’t translating into a better sex life

…this episode will help you understand why—and what to do differently.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why desire discrepancy is really a relationship dynamic (not just a libido issue)
• How “building a case” against your partner destroys intimacy
• The hidden ways higher desire partners create pressure
• Why emotional intimacy alone doesn’t fix sex
• How to expand your definition of sex and reduce pressure
• The role of childhood conditioning in your sex life

Guest Resources Mentioned:

• Monica Tanner’s book: Bad Marriage Advice
• Monica Tanner's website: https://www.monicatanner.com/

❤️ Ready to improve your sex life?

Take my free quiz to discover what’s really blocking intimacy in your relationship:

👉 https://TheBetterBedroom.com

Or, if you’re ready for personalized support, book a free consultation:

👉 https://HeatherShannon.co

Thinking about opening your relationship—but already feeling tension, anxiety, or uncertainty?

You’re not alone.

For many couples, conversations about non-monogamy or open relationships quickly become overwhelming. One partner may feel excited and ready to explore, while the other feels hesitant, worried, or emotionally unsafe.

In this episode, I break down why that happens—and how to approach non-monogamy in a way that actually supports your relationship instead of destabilizing it.

Because the truth is:

👉 Non-monogamy isn’t the problem.

👉 The issue is how couples navigate it—especially when emotional safety isn’t fully established.

• Why non-monogamy often feels unsafe early on (even when both people are open to it)
• The #1 mistake couples make: moving too fast—in conversations or actions
• How non-monogamy can quietly become one-sided (and lead to resentment)
• Why staying surface-level in communication creates more insecurity
• What it actually takes to build emotional safety in open relationships
• Why even doing everything “right” won’t make the process perfect—and what to expect instead

This episode is especially helpful if:

• You’re just starting to discuss non-monogamy
• One of you is excited—and the other is unsure
• You’ve tried opening things up and it didn’t go well
• You want to explore ethically without damaging trust
• You’re navigating differences in sexual desire, curiosity, or identity

Want help figuring out what non-monogamy could actually look like for you?

Download my Quick Start Guide to Non-Monogamy Options—a practical overview of different relationship structures and ways to explore safely:

👉 https://heather-shannon.mykajabi.com/offers/ELDCt5tG

If you want support navigating this with your partner—especially if things feel tense, confusing, or emotionally loaded—I can help.

I specialize in helping couples work through: navigating non-monogamy, kink differences, and mismatched libidos.

👉 Book a consultation here:

https://HeatherShannon.co

non-monogamy, ethical non-monogamy, open relationships, how to open a relationship, non-monogamous relationship advice, relationship communication, emotional safety in relationships, polyamory, swinging, sexual compatibility, couples therapy, intimacy coaching

Non-monogamy is usually seen as something that destroys relationships.

But what if, in some cases, it can actually save them?

In this episode, I’m talking with a non-monogamy expert about a perspective that challenges everything most couples have been taught about love, sex, and commitment.

We explore how Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) and Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM) can sometimes be a more honest and sustainable way to navigate real relationship challenges—especially when it comes to mismatched libidos, unmet needs, and resentment.

This isn’t about telling you to open your relationship.

It’s about helping you think more clearly about:

• What you actually need
• What your partner can realistically provide
• And what options exist beyond the default model of monogamy

We also get into:

• Why expecting one person to meet all your needs can create pressure and disconnection
• How resentment builds when sexual needs go unmet
• The difference between choosing monogamy vs defaulting into it
• How people navigate open relationships, polyamory, and other forms of non-monogamy
• The role of honesty, communication, and emotional security in polyamorous relationships
• Why some couples explore swinging, swingers communities, or other forms of shared sexual experiences
• The emotional realities (not just the fantasy) of ethical non-monogamy

We also talk about the different roles partners can play—and why one person often can’t be everything for you over time.

Whether you’re firmly monogamous, curious about ENM, or somewhere in between, this episode will give you a new lens on relationships, desire, and what it actually means to get your needs met.

Take the quiz: Discover what’s really causing your intimacy issues

👉 https://TheBetterBedroom.com

Request a consultation for Heather's Pathway To Passion Coaching Program

👉 https://calendly.com/hshann1/ignite

Learn more about our guest Cidney Green and buy her new book All 3 Of Me

👉 https://www.all3inme.com/

Thinking about sharing a sexual fantasy—but worried your partner will see you differently? This is where most couples unknowingly start creating distance instead of deeper intimacy.

In this episode, we break down the 3 biggest mistakes couples make when sharing sexual fantasies—and why these patterns often lead to pressure, resentment, or emotional disconnection instead of closeness.

If you’ve ever struggled with how to talk about sex, navigate kinks or fantasies, or handle differences in desire, this episode will give you a clear framework for doing it in a way that builds trust, emotional safety, and a more satisfying sex life

What You’ll LearnHow shame around sexual fantasies creates distance in relationships

Why avoiding conversations about sex limits intimacy and connection

The hidden risk of pushing a fantasy too quickly after sharing it

How pressure and urgency can lead to coercion (even unintentionally)

Why your partner’s reaction is shaped by conditioning—not you

The truth about being “sex-positive” without abandoning your boundaries

How to handle mismatched sexual interests in a healthy way

• Ways to explore fantasies without being 100% sexually compatible

• Open communication about sex is essential for long-term intimacy
• Fantasies require consent, pacing, and emotional safety
• Shame, pressure, and people-pleasing are the biggest intimacy killers
• You can accept your partner’s desires without participating in everything
• Great sex lives aren’t about perfect compatibility—they’re about how you navigate differences together

Chapters

0:00 Introduction to the topic of sharing sexual fantasies and the common issues couples face.

1:05 Introduction to the three biggest mistakes couples make.

2:02 Mistake #1

3:23 Importance of openness and being sex-positive.

4:19 Benefits of discussing sex more frequently.

5:16 Normalizing conversations about sex.

6:34 Importance of consent and communication in sexual relationships.

7:31 Variety and novelty in long-term relationships.

8:28 Understanding each other fully through sharing fantasies.

9:27 Mistake #2

12:04 Mistake #3

16:03 Encouragement to maintain personal boundaries.

21:32 Exploring fantasies in a healthy way.

22:52 Conclusion and encouragement to seek help if needed.

If you’re noticing patterns like holding back, pushing too fast, or going along with things that don’t feel right, that’s exactly what I help couples work through.

👉 Take the quiz to discover your relationship pattern and what’s really driving your sexual disconnect:

https://TheBetterBedroom.com

👉 Want personalized support? Apply for a free consultation for my Pathway to Passion coaching program:

https://HeatherShannon.co

You want sex. You care about your relationship. But when things actually start to happen… something shifts. You get in your head. You feel anxious, disconnected, or unsure of yourself.

And sometimes, you walk away wondering why it didn’t feel as good as you hoped—or even feeling shame or guilt.

In this episode, I’m joined by sex therapist and Certified IFS Therapist, Patricia Rich, to unpack what’s really going on beneath that experience.

Because it’s not just about libido.

And it’s not something you can fix by trying harder or “being more confident.”

We’re diving into how different “parts” of you can take over during sex—pulling you out of the moment, creating tension, and leaving you feeling disconnected from your own desire.

Once you understand this, everything starts to make a lot more sense.

• Why anxiety shows up during sex (even when you genuinely want it)
• How “parts” of you can override your desire and create inner conflict
• The difference between being present vs. going on autopilot during sex
• Why you might feel regret or disconnection afterward
• A simple way to start reconnecting with yourself in the moment

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to IFS and Sex Therapy

02:45 Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS)

05:34 Exploring Parts in Sexuality

08:27 Vulnerability and Intimacy in Relationships

11:22 Self-Led Sexuality and Awareness

14:12 Curiosity and Differentiating Parts

17:05 Practical Application of IFS in Sexuality

23:21 Exploring Vulnerability and Playfulness

25:41 Navigating Safety and Judgment in Relationships

28:07 Understanding Parts and Their Needs

32:13 The Complexity of Human Emotions

36:28 Communication and Vulnerability in Relationships

41:06 The Goldilocks Approach to Therapy

44:58 Training and Resources for IFS in Sexuality

Patricia Rich is a sex therapist and certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist and consultant. She specializes in helping people understand their inner world so they can experience more connection, clarity, and ease in their relationships and sex lives.

🔗 Learn more about Patricia’s work:

https://patriciarich.com (update if needed based on exact link you prefer)

If this episode resonated with you, there are a couple ways to go deeper:

Find out what’s actually keeping you stuck:

👉 https://TheBetterBedroom.com

If you’re ready for personalized support, my Pathway to Passion coaching program helps you reconnect with your desire, improve communication, and create a sex life that actually feels good again.

👉 https://HeatherShannon.co

Make sure you’re following the show so you don’t miss future episodes on emotional intimacy, desire, and building a better sex life in your relationship.

Sick of not knowing what you want in bed? Download The Free Sexy Scorecard now - https://heather-shannon.mykajabi.com/offers/km5Dd3rf

Figure out your sexual self so you can communicate better with your partner and experience more pleasure together.

In this episode:

• Discover how understanding your current patterns can open doors to new experiences
• Learn why stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to deeper connections
• Find out how curiosity can be your best friend in exploring desires
• Get practical tips for trying new things without any pressure
• Hear stories about how surprises can lead to delightful discoveries
• Create and share your own "treasure map" of interests with your partner
• Embrace lifelong learning and celebrate your evolving relationship
• Navigate fears with kindness and authenticity

Timestamps:

00:00 - Breaking free from routines and finding joy in the bedroom

02:14 - How comfort zones can be cozy yet limiting

03:37 - Recognizing patterns and opening up to new possibilities

05:02 - Keeping the conversation alive about what you truly desire

06:25 - Letting curiosity guide you past limiting beliefs

07:55 - Personal stories of growth and learning at any age

10:01 - Fun ways to categorize and explore your pleasures

11:27 - Crafting your own "pleasure menu" to savor life

12:23 - How desires change and grow over time

14:15 - Exploring safely and authentically, with a gentle touch

15:42 - Embracing surprises as clues to what lights you up

17:37 - Turning insights into shared moments of joy

19:03 - Keeping a "treasure map" of your evolving desires

21:13 - Understanding and celebrating your partner's journey too

22:38 - Remembering there's no "right" way—just your way

23:07 - Final thoughts: Celebrating sexuality as a lifelong adventure

Resources & Links:

Request a free consult for Heather's Pathway to Passion coaching program: https://HeatherShannon.co

Sexual Exploraion Scorecard (Free Download)

Take the Why You're Stuck In A Sex Rut quiz! https://TheBetterBedroom.com

What happens when you feel attracted to another woman… but you’re in a committed relationship with a man?

For a lot of women, this curiosity brings a mix of excitement, confusion, and uncertainty. You might wonder what it means, whether it’s worth exploring, or how to even begin without creating problems in your current relationship.

In this episode, I’m joined by Genevieve LeJeune, founder of Skirt Club—a global community for bicurious and bisexual women—to talk about what this experience is actually like in real life.

We get into the most common obstacles women face when exploring attraction to other women, why this can feel so hard to navigate, and what helps women feel safe enough to be honest with themselves and try something new.

We also talk about:

1. Why so many women discover this curiosity later in life
2. The difference between performance and genuine desire
3. What makes exploration feel safe (and what doesn’t)
4. How women navigate this while staying in a relationship with a man
5. What it’s actually like to connect with another woman for the first time

This is a grounded, real conversation about curiosity, identity, and creating space for parts of yourself that may have been pushed aside.

Chapters

00:00 -Overview of the community for bicurious women.

01:30 - Genevieve LeJeune's journey from personal experience to creating a global movement.

02:14 - The importance of removing men to foster genuine expression.

04:27 - Tips and advice for women beginning their journey.

13:50 -Navigating monogamy and non-monogamy in women's exploration.

16:42 -How diverse age ranges influence openness to exploring sexuality.

19:42 - Workshops and resources for building sexual confidence.

22:17 - The impact of media portrayal on perceptions and expectations.

33:30 - The role of shared vulnerability in healing and confidence.

41:00 - Encouragement to explore sexuality with courage and authenticity.

Links

Check out Skirt Club: https://skirtclub.co.uk/

Schedule a free consult with Heather for the Pathway to Passion coaching program: Unlock Your Passion - Consultation Call https://HeatherShannon.co

Take the Why You're Stuck In A Sex Rut quiz: https://TheBetterBedroom.com