In this episode, Angela opens Season 3 by exploring one of the most common and most costly patterns in close relationships: listening to defend rather than listening to understand.

Drawing from Gottman Method research and Emotion-Focused Therapy, Angela unpacks why defensiveness isn't the enemy but rather a nervous system signal, what happens when protection replaces connection, and how learning to truly hear your partner can transform conflict into closeness, one pause at a time.

Relationship Reset Challenge

The Rapaport Practice Round

Set a timer for five minutes and try one full Rapaport round: one person speaks, one person only listens and reflects.

When the speaker says "yes, you got it," switch. No rebuttals. No fixing. Just: do you understand me? Notice what shifts when someone feels truly heard, even once.

Resources Mentioned

• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Presented by: Angela Kingma

Edited by: Tayte McHugh

In this episode, Angela explores one of the most quietly transformative skills in any relationship: the repair attempt. Angela unpacks what repair actually looks like beyond the perfect apology — and why the ability to come back to each other after conflict matters far more than whether conflict happens at all. Whether repair feels natural or terrifyingly vulnerable in your relationship, this episode offers real language, warm insight, and a practical reset to help you find your way back to each other.

Relationship Reset Challenge

One honest repair this week

This week's challenge invites you to try one genuine repair attempt, no drama, no perfectly timed speech required. Just a small, intentional move toward your partner.

Example: "I was short with you earlier, and I'm sorry, can we start over?"

No perfection required, just intention.

Resources Mentioned

• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Presented by: Angela Kingma

Edited by: Tayte McHugh

In this episode, Angela explores one of the most quietly powerful — and quietly neglected — forces in long-term relationships: fondness and admiration. Drawing from Gottman Method research and Emotion-Focused Therapy, Angela unpacks why expressed admiration is foundational to relational health, what happens when it goes underground, and how small, specific, consistent acts of saying what you genuinely value in your partner can transform the emotional climate of your relationship — one moment at a time.

Relationship Reset Challenge

The Admiration Audit

Sit quietly for five minutes and identify three things you genuinely admire about your partner — not what they do, but who they are. Their character, their spirit, the way they move through the world. Then find a moment this week to say one of them out loud. Specific, genuine, unprompted. Just because it's true. And if you're feeling brave — say all three.

Resources Mentioned

• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Presented by: Angela Kingma

Edited by: Tayte McHugh

In this episode, Angela explores one of the most quietly misunderstood skills in relationships — the stress-reducing conversation. Not every hard moment needs a solution. Sometimes what your partner needs most is simply to feel heard, held, and less alone in what they're carrying. Angela shares a hilarious (and completely relatable) client story about a well-meaning partner who showed up to an emotional conversation with a spiral-bound notebook and bullet-pointed action items — and uses it to unpack why the fix-it instinct, while rooted in love, can accidentally leave partners feeling unseen.

Relationship Reset Challenge

Try the 10-minute rule.

Give your partner ten minutes of uninterrupted, advice-free listening — no solutions, no redirects, no silver linings, and absolutely no notebooks. Ask one open question: "What's been the hardest part of this for you?" Then just be there with what comes. Notice what shifts — in them, and in you.

Resources mentioned

• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com
• The Gottman Institute — stress-reducing conversations and rituals of connection: www.gottman.com
• Dr. Sue Johnson — Emotion-Focused Therapy for couples: www.iceeft.com

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Presented by: Angela Kingma

Edited by: Tayte McHugh

This episode explores how the first three minutes of a hard conversation predict how it will end, and how our nervous systems and attachment needs often drive harsh openings that are really desperate bids for connection. Drawing from Gottman Method research and Emotion-Focused Therapy, Angela offers practical, real-life language shifts to help you bring up hard topics with respect, appreciation, and emotional safety, even when you’re tired, resentful, or feeling unseen.

Relationship Reset Challenge

The 60-Second Start-Up Pause

Before you bring up a concern this week, pause for one minute. Ask yourself: “What am I really feeling underneath this frustration?” and “What do I actually need right now?” Then remove blanket generalizations like “You always” and start with a moment of appreciation before naming the issue. For example: “I really appreciate how much you do for our family. There’s something on my heart I’d like to talk about.” No perfection required — just intention.

Resources Mentioned

• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Presented by: Angela Kingma

Edited by: Tayte McHugh

What if the strength of your relationship isn’t built in the big moments — but in the small ones you barely notice? In this episode, Angela explores the power of “turning toward” your partner through everyday micro-moments of connection. Drawing from the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), this conversation breaks down what bids for connection look like in real life, why they matter so deeply, and how tiny, intentional responses can rebuild closeness, trust, and emotional safety over time.

Relationship Reset Challenge

This week, practice turning toward intentionally: Notice one bid for connection each day and respond with presence — a look, a question, a touch, or a few moments of attention. At the end of the day, reflect: Did I turn toward love today?

Resources Mentioned

• Gottman: gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (John Gottman)
• Hold Me Tight + drsuejohnson.com
• gottman.com/couples/
• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Presented by: Angela Kingma

Edited by: Tayte McHugh

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling — they show up in every relationship at some point. In this episode, Angela breaks down what these “Four Horsemen” actually look and sound like in everyday life, why they happen, and the small, simple shifts couples can make to create more connection and less conflict. This is a practical, judgment-free guide to recognizing harmful patterns early and choosing healthier communication that feels good for both partners.

Relationship Reset Challenge

Choose one Horseman you fall into most often and practice its antidote every day for the next week:

• Criticism → Gentle startup
• Contempt → One daily appreciation
• Defensiveness → Own 2%
• Stonewalling → Take a break with a return time

Resources Mentioned

• John & Julie Gottman – The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Presented by: Angela Kingma

Edited by: Tayte McHugh

In this episode, Angela explores how just five intentional hours a week can transform your relationship. Drawing from the Gottman Method and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), she shares how to build daily rituals of connection that strengthen trust, friendship, and emotional safety. Discover how small, consistent habits can rekindle closeness — no grand gestures required.

Relationship Reset Challenge

Create your own 5-Hour Love Plan this week. Ask each other:

• What’s one ritual we can add in the morning?
• What does a comforting reunion look like for us?
• How can we bring back a little fun or play?
• When can we schedule a weekly check-in?

Remember — it’s not about perfection; it’s about presence.

Resources Mentioned

• John & Julie Gottman – The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
• Dr. Sue Johnson – Hold Me Tight (EFT framework for emotional connection)
• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Presented by: Angela Kingma

Edited by: Tayte McHugh