Are affairs really just about sex? I don't think they are, and neither does my guest this week. I sat down with Dr. Marie Murphy, a non-judgmental infidelity coach, to take apart the biggest myths about why people cheat, starting with the assumption that it's all physical. From my own years as the other woman, I can tell you the sex was never the whole story.

We get into why most people who cheat don't actually want to be cheating, and why so many of them stay stuck instead of leaving. Marie's take: a lot of people cheat and keep cheating because they're terrified of hurting someone, not because they want to. We talk about why "just get divorced" is easier said than done, and why the person who was betrayed sometimes holds onto that hurt like an identity they can't put down.

Then we get to the question I know a lot of you are sitting with: how long do you wait for him to leave his wife? Marie's answer reframes the whole thing. There's no sign from the universe telling you when to walk. The real question is how much longer you'd be gladly willing to stick around and see what happens, which is a very different thing from waiting.

Marie also said something I haven't stopped thinking about: the people most certain they'd never forgive a cheater are usually the ones who've never been cheated on. She has, in dramatic and not-so-dramatic ways, and she still refuses to treat it as the worst thing that can happen to a person.

Marie's Website: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/

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