Six months ago I was sitting in a hospital room with the blinds closed.

She didn't want them open. And I sat beside her in the dim light watching her breathe and asking myself the same question over and over.

Where did she go?

Not the medical version of that question. The other one.

The one that comes when you realize the spark has been dimming for longer than you knew. That somewhere along the way the person you love stopped really living and started just existing. And you were so busy keeping them alive that you missed the moment the light started going out.

One afternoon someone brought her a milkshake from her favorite place. Her whole face lit up. She talked about it. She was so excited.

She took two sips.

And then that was it. Everything that it takes to sustain and enjoy life was just too much. Or just gone.

This week I'm taking you inside those first hospital days. The confusion that came in waves. The impossible dance of speaking for her and being snapped at for it. The husband who was losing her too and showed up steady anyway. And the question I kept asking myself that I still haven't fully let go of.

There's also a name in this episode for something you might be feeling right now that you don't have words for yet.

Anticipatory grief.

The grief that starts before the ending. Before the diagnosis. Before anyone says the words out loud.

If that's where you are — this episode is for you.

I'll see you in there. 💙

Grace Lives Here is made from moments like this one. If your story connects to it, you’re part of it too.

You can reach me here: 👉 https://secondstorystudios.org

Or email me directly at: 👉 secondstorystudios.creative@gmail.com

Substack: Kris Sinclair Writes