In this episode of LEANING INTO THE FIRE: couples therapy conversations, I sit down with Dr. Scott Woolley to explore neurodivergence—especially ADHD—through the lens of Emotionally Focused Therapy. Scott brings both depth and clarity as we unpack how ADHD isn’t just about attention or behavior, but about emotional processing, attachment, and the ways people experience connection. We get into how often ADHD is misunderstood in relationships, and how those misunderstandings can create painful cycles between partners.

Scott does an incredible job breaking down what’s really happening underneath the surface. We talk about how ADHD can show up as inconsistency, missed cues, emotional flooding, or shutdown—and how partners often interpret these as lack of care, when in reality something much more complex is going on. This is where EFT becomes so powerful. Instead of pathologizing, we slow things down and begin to understand the emotional experience of both partners, helping each person feel seen rather than blamed.

We also get into the practical side—what therapists need to pay attention to when working with neurodivergent clients and couples. Scott shares insights from decades of teaching and training therapists around the world, and how to adapt EFT in a way that honors differences in processing, regulation, and communication. We talk about pacing, structure, and how to create enough safety so that both partners can stay engaged in the work, even when things get intense.

What stands out most in this conversation is the sense of hope. When neurodivergence is understood and held with compassion, it stops being “the problem” and instead becomes something couples can navigate together. This episode is about moving out of frustration and into understanding—about helping couples reconnect in a way that actually fits who they are. If you’re a therapist, or someone in a relationship where ADHD plays a role, this one will land.